Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The pros are that Watson is rich; or, BSC #6: Kristy’s Big Day

Technically, isn’t it Elizabeth’s big day? After all, she’s the one getting hitched.

Surprisingly, I found myself saying, or, um, screaming, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” more with this book than a lot of them…Now, most of the BSC books contain at least one ridiculous moment. And I remembered this one being pretty normal…This is not the case though. Apparently I never questioned even the basic premise of this book. But I should have. For your consideration:

"I’m saying that Watson and I are going to have to get married at the end of the month so we can move into the Brewers’ house two weeks later." Let’s take a moment to consider this. Kristy’s mom will be on a business trip in Europe when they had wanted to get married (funny, she never takes that trip to Europe. Or at least never mentions it again.), so she and Watson have to change the date. And she found a buyer for the house who wants a rush job. (Okay, having moved a lot growing up, even with rushing things, it’s not easy to complete a sale and escrow that fast. And, apparently, Kristy’s dad still owns half the house, so they’re completely ignoring the fact that they’ll have to contact him and get him to sign everything.) Okay, I could buy all that. But what really bothered me was the fact that they had to GET MARRIED BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER! Even if they were religious (which they don’t seem particularly devout), I’m sure that they wouldn’t be run out of town for moving in together before getting married. I mean, neither of them are virgins, and they’re both divorced. And he’s got a fucking mansion! If propriety required them to have separate rooms, it wouldn’t be a problem. And they could get married soon, but they could give themselves more than two and a half weeks to plan a BIG wedding, and focus on moving with minimum stress. OR, if they really had to get married before moving in together, have a tiny ceremony quickly and then have a big reception once they’re all settled in. Cause it’s not particularly cool to your friends and family to give them two weeks notice to come to a wedding. LAME!

"Would you really hire the whole Baby-sitters Club for the whole week?" So, in order to pull of the wedding, a whole bunch of friends and families are coming early to help. And since this is the BSC, they’re all breeders who have never heard of a diaphragm, there will be 14 extra brats running around Stoneybrook. So, to free up the adults, the BSC are going to run a sort of daycare for all the kids, keeping them from 9-5. And they’re only getting $120 each for the week. They all act like that’s a fortune, and I realize this was a few years back, but that’s not a lot for caring for that many kids ALL DAY LONG. (Sam even thinks it’s a lot of money, so he’s jealous. But he has a summer job; for the second summer in a row, he’ll be delivering groceries for the A&P. But ANM never explains how someone too young to drive can deliver groceries in a town that’s apparently big enough for two middle schools.) So, they take care of all these kids with relatively few problems.

KRISTY IS EXCITED ABOUT WEARING A DRESS AND HEELS. ‘nuff said.

"My brothers and I would be on own for a week!" Yep. After the wedding, Watson and Elizabeth go to Vermont for their honeymoon (cause they couldn’t afford anywhere else?) and they leave Charlie, Sam, Kristy and David Michael at home. Alone. Nannie’s “on call,” but she’s not there. The fuck? Sure, maybe Charlie and Sam. But a 17-year-old who just got his driver’s license in charge of a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old and a 7-year-old. Are they high?

Claudia’s classy outfit of the week: “a black leotard and skintight red pants [there are three girls at Ridgemont cultivating the Pat Benetar look] under a white shirt that was so big it looked like a lab coat. Claudia’s a wonderful artist and she had decorated the shirt herself, covering it with designs painted in acrylic.”

Oh, and Stacey? “Stacey’s blonde hair was permed, and what with that, her purple nail polish, and her Swatch accessories, she looked, well, kind of like a thirteen-year-old Madonna.” My ass, that just described a fucking mallrat, not Madonna.

14 comments:

Library Lady said...

It actually works out to about $.02 an hour. Nice. Classy, guys. With the amount of "insurance" Watson is "selling" no doubt they could have "afforded" a bit more (those last quotation marks were excessive and unnecessary, but what can I say...)

I'm sticking with the Pimp theory. And, with the outfit you described on Claudia, I think we have proof.

Sara said...

Those outfit descriptions are downright painful to read! What the eff are "Swatch accessories"? I know they did watches, but did they do plastic necklaces too? I bet she had on a slap bracelet!

ccburd said...

I JUST got done reading this one. Doesn't Andrew look weird on the cover- like a little old man?? And nice YELLOW heels, Kristy. And how did they get all those family members to take off all that time from work with no notice to come help with the wedding?? Best part of the whole book is Nannie's car- the pink clinker or some such nonsense. Classic.

Tiff said...

Andrew looks like W.C. Fields on the cover, complete with bulbous red schnozz.

bmad said...

i wish you could post the pictures of the covers. some of them are hard-ish to find these days.

bookworm kiki said...

I work in a library and came across something that really excited me today... the BSC series is being redone in graphic novel format! We got a few copies of Kristy's Big Idea today. Too cool. Mary Anne has her braids and Claudia's hair is pulled back with a headband. Kristy's got her ponytail and Stacy is kinda boring looking.

madrigalia said...

Hilarious!

PoBaL said...

Sara, I'm going to assume that what they mean by "swatch accessories" are those little plastic watchface guard things. Remember them? Utterly useless?

Adri said...

But a 17-year-old who just got his driver’s license in charge of a 15-year-old, a 13-year-old and a 7-year-old. Are they high?

If you think that's insane (and you're right, of course), then clearly you need to read Super Special #4 again. Jessi's parents go away for the weekend and leave her, an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD, in charge of an eight-year-old and a baby all weekend. It makes the Charlie-in-charge thing seem fairly sane in comparison.

Renee said...

This was my very first BSC book and I was hooked! I thought this book was written especially for me because it had all the right things--the clothes description, an asian character, pure zanyness...
Though it was my first, it wasn't my favorite BUT it does hold a special place in my heart! especially everytime I would read "David Michael Thomas" I would think of the Miami Vice guy.
Your blog rocks! Please keep it up!

Hollaya said...

Just a random confession

I thought David Michael was Davie "Michelle" until I was like 9..

bazu said...

I just discovered this blog, and am loving going through all the archives, even though I'm a year late to the party!

My favorite quote from this post: "And since this is the BSC, they’re all breeders who have never heard of a diaphragm, there will be 14 extra brats running around Stoneybrook."

I never realized it before, but there are SO many kids ALL the time EVERYWHERE in this series. I know, I know, it's about babysitting or whatever, but it's so heteronormative in general. As you mention in other posts, every relationship has to lead (quickly) to marriage, and marriage means children, and plenty of 'em, and you can't live together before you're married even if you are divorced parents in your 40's. Sheesh. Why was I so obsessed with this book??

Deena said...

I just found this book second-hand, in Swedish. I've got it in English and read it in Finnish for more than half a life ago.

I just love it. I just L O V E it. And that's because of your blog, otherwise I'd just have wondered why they have to get married before moving to Watson's.

BTW, in Swedish - in this book at least (not all of them)

Claudia = Cindy
Stacey = Sara
Mary Anne = Mari

but even worse in Finnish, in ALL the translated books:

Kristy = Lisa
Mary Anne = Anne
Claudia = Valerie
Stacey = Susan
Dawn = Violet

Some of the other names are changed too, like Logan Bruno = Bruno Logan. But why?? Only Anne is a Finnish name, and Liisa and Susanna. But wtf??

Continue! I'll continue reading.

Hina said...

RIDGMONT HIGH REFERENCE

EXCELLENTTTTTT