Um, doesn’t Mal have red hair? I swear on every cover and in every description, she has red hair. Right? Then how come “every single one of us Pikes, even my parents, has dark brown hair (Mom calls it ‘chestnut brown’ to make it seem les ordinary)?” Huh? My very belief system is shaken.
Oh, and Mal? Stop your bitching about your glasses and your braces. Get over it. Lots of people wear glasses, and even more have braces for a while.
So, in this book, Mal whines and the BSC ride out some ego trips. Oh, and Jessi shows up.
So, the BSC has invited Mal to join, but first she has to pass some tests (oral, drawn and practical). So for the oral/written test, the BSC ask these ridiculous questions that they don’t even know the answers to, and they make Mal draw a diagram of the digestive system (yeah, a sixth-grader). And then Mal totally fucks up the sitting part of the audition, mainly cause she’s nervous and Claudia’s kinda being a bitch. So, blah she fails and quits at the same time. So she and Jessi decide to start their own BSC, called Kids Incorporated (at which point the Disney lawyers are all “CEASE AND DESIST!!!!). But the stars align and the BSC get over themselves incorporate (heh, get it!) Kids Inc, into their little club.
Okay, so this is one of Ms. Martin’s attempts at social responsibility, so all of the racists are really fucking OBVIOUS. Which is boring. Seriously. Plus this is like the only book in which Jessi’s trying to be a comedienne.
Your “Thank you Captain Obvious” moment of the book comes on page 66.
Mallory: There are a lot of things I do well, and one of them is mope.
Mallory: “I finally decided on my red jumper that said Mallory across the front, a short-sleeved white blouse, and white tights with little red hearts all over them.” [Now that’s dressing for success. Or kindergarten, take you pick.]
Kristy: “She was wearing faded jeans, sneakers, a pale pink turtleneck, and a dark pink sweater.” [I have always doubted that Kristy would ever wear pink.]
Mary Anne: “…she was wearing a baggy yellow sweater with a SILVER SQUIGGLE PIN [!!!!!!!!] near the collar, a short skirt made out of sweat-shirt material, yellow tights, and ballet slippers.”
Dawn: “She wears kind of casual clothes, like baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up, shirts with the tails out, and big belts.”
Claudia: “[She wears] things like short, tight pants with little ballet slippers, or torn T-shirts decorated with sequins, or overalls and high-topped sneakers. And her jewelry! She has a bracelet that looks like a coiled snake, and earrings that are a dog for one ear and a bone for the other, and I don’t know what else.”
YIPPEE!! So, I checked out the “Books for a dollar” shelf at the library tonight, and I bought the FIRST THREE SUPER SPECIALS!!!! And Dawn on the Coast! Yay!