So, here are everyone’s storylines, including a few non-BSC members who are granted their own chapters…
Kristy: She makes friends with an old guy.
Mary Anne (who totally looks like Jo from the Facts of Life on the cover!): She meets the daughter of some famous singing duo, who’s a pathological liar. And Mary Anne thinks she’s a true friend until she catches her in a lie. (Mary Anne’s a sucker.)
Dawn: She falls crazy in lust with this guy (she’s in luuuv, but there barely even talk. If she were ten years older, it’d be a fuck fest), and she teaches him to not hate his stepbrothers. Oh, and he buys her a glass unicorn. How fucking sweet.
Claudia has a mystery admirer who keeps buying her gifts, and he turns out to be both the guy she’s been hanging out with and Mary Anne’s not-so-true friend’s brother.
Stacey meets a little boy who’s got a bad heart. Awwwww.
Karen’s a little liar who breaks all the rules (and bought all the souvenirs from Disney World that I used to have, like the scarf in the plastic egg).
Byron (and his brothers) find what they think is a treasure map, so they run around the cruise ship, the Bahamas and Disney World looking for gold. Turns out, it’s a schematic for a copier (a Scandanavian guy on the plane home tells them).
It pisses me off (shut up, you get worked up about this shit, too) that Karen never really gets in trouble for lying or wandering off or making shit up! She wanders off and gets a manicure and charges it to her room AND DOESN’T GET IN ANY TROUBLE!
1. Remember when little kids could go visit the cockpit? And get wings? Yeah, that was a long time ago…
2. Mary Anne’s “friend” Alexandra Carmody is sophisticated, cause she has big boobs. Or, because “she had a figure that filled out the top of the bikini nicely.” So, I must be verrrrrryyyyyy sophisticated.
3. Oh, oops. I totally forgot about Mallory. She’s all about Harriet the Spy, except for not getting caught. So, she sits around the ship/island/Disney World writing in her notebook. Things like (prepare for the block quote, Mal’s italics [sorry, my MLA training dies very very hard)
Another family goes by. The little girl drops her ice-cream cone. Cries.
A big group of people goes by. They are wearing matching T-shirts. They are very loud (the people, not the shirts). I think the people are retarded. Having fun. Lots of smiles…
Two parents and a little girl come by. The girl’s legs are in braces. She doesn’t seem to care. She is saying, “Snow White’s Adventure is the funnest ride here!”
Yup, having fun at Disney World makes you retarded. I think Mallory’s retarded.
4. Guess who wore this? “I put on my new blue-and white bikini and over that, a pink sundress with spaghertti straps at the shoulders [well, I’m glad their not around her ankles…where else would they be?] and big blue buttons down the front. Then I accessorized. I tied a pink-and-blue scarf around my waist, knotting it in the middle, added my snake bracelet and feather earrings, wound my hair on top of my head, and finally put on these white sandals with long laces that you crisscross up your legs and tie in a bow.” Jesus, how many pairs of lace-up sandals does one thirteen year old need? Especially one that lives nowhere near the tropics…
5. Sweet!!!!! Kristy and her old man play Pack-Man, Donkey Kong and Centipede! In an arcade! Sometimes I honestly miss the 80s.
6. Oh yeah, the object of Dawn’s blind lust is named Parker Harris, which Dawn thinks is funny. But it makes me think of the show Parker Lewis Can’t Lose. Remember that show?
7. Stupid fucking Karen thinks that a ghost from the Haunted House is following her and is her new friend.
8. To impress her boy, Dawn borrows and “outfit” from Claudia: “a white tank to under lavender overalls, lavender push-down socks, lavender high-top sneakers and a beaded Indian belt, which we looped droopily twice around my middle. In my hair we put lavender-and-white clips that looked like birds.” Yup, nothing says date quite like lavender overalls and a belt that doesn’t match.
9. Stupid fucking Karen pretends it’s her birthday to get attention. Lame-ass.
Yup, that’s about all…