Sunday, November 26, 2006

Mal and Jessi are lucky to get by looking like sixth-graders; or, BSC #58: Stacey's Choice

Oh, poor divorced-kid Stacey. It's so hard for her. She has to make a choice: does she stay with her mom, who has pneumonia? Or does she go to New York for her dad's big dinner?

So, the background: Stacey's mom is super tired, cause she's temping and looking for a job (which, I know, TOTALLY sucks). But Stacey's dad just got this big promotion to vice president of something or other at his company, so his career is going swimmingly. In fact, the promotion is such a big deal that the company is throwing him this fancy dinner thing, and he invites Stacey, and even tells her to get a new outfit for the occasion. And Stace is super-stoked, 'cause, new clothes! Big weekend in NYC! But then...(duh, duh, duuuuhhh) Stacey's mom collapses at a job interview, and Stacey gets called out of school to go to the hospital. And Stacey's freaking out, cause she thinks her mom's going to die of leukemia or some shit. Turns out it's a nasty case of pneumonia. Which sucks, but it's not like Mrs. McGill is all on her death bed or anything. So, Stacey goes all martyr-complexy and insists on taking care of her mom at all hours and setting up mom-sitters for the hours when she's at school, and she temporarily quits baby-sitting and stops going to club meetings and BORING! And she angsts about whether or not to leave her mom for the big New York weekend.

Finally, she decides to not really make a decision and try to do both...so, she leaves after school Friday and goes to the dinner, but keeps leaving during the dinner to check on her mom. And she totally asks to leave early, but they don't leave until, like, midnight, which sucks cause she just has to take the 6:30 a.m. train, meaning she gets up at fucking 4:30 in the morning. Dumbass. Which riles up her relationship with her dad, who's none too pleased. And she's so tired she can't properly take care of Mom. So, Stacey just sucks all around. Finally, Mom gets better and tells Stacey that she can't take on everyone's probs.

Subplot: All the little kiddies waste all their money ordering crap from the backs of comic books and magazines. They get scammed, and wind up with tons of junk and don't have any money left to buy the yo-yos that they really want. So, they decide to have a traveling salesman-type show to sell all the crap. So, they pull their wagons from house to house and rap, recite poems and perform skits to try to sell the shit, with very little luck, but they get money for the performances. Blah. Stupid children, and stupid parents for letting them spend all their $$$ on stupid crap scams in mags.

So, here's what I really don't get. Since when does Stacey give a shit about anyone other than herself, and maybe Charlotte Johanssen (or how ever you spell it)? Seriously. And why is she all "ohmigod, my mom's dying" or whatever, when she's spent mad time in hospitals and being sick and shit? Isn't the whole point of "The Truth About Stacey" that overreacting about medical conditions is stupid? Whatever. And why do all the parents give the kids money to send away for stupid shit? My parents didn't let me order shit from the backs of mags, CAUSE IT'S A FUCKING RIPOFF!

Okay, here come the bullets!


  1. "...added Mal knowledgeably, even though she has been to New York, like, three times." Shut up, Stacey. You're a bitch on the first fucking page of the book.

  2. Oh, so Stacey's dad has a "tiny two-bedroom apartment." He must be paying a fortune in child support and alimony. I don't care if he's paying for a house and an apartment now, they were doing okay before the divorce. And now, with the promotion, he'll be able to upgrade for his stupid little daughter.

  3. Apparently, Claudia is neither fat nor thin, but just right. Huh.

  4. "But Claud and I have the exact same taste in clothes and fashion, and very similar interests. We are both sophisticated and trendy. I know I sound like I'm bragging, but everyone says this about us. We keep track of the new styles, and we wear tights and boots [ooh, trendy!], baggy tops, and big jewelry. Claud likes hats, and often wears one, and we experiment with makeup and accessories. We experiment with our hair, too, especially Claudia."

  5. Okay, so I totally remember this anecdote: "'Once,' began Kristy, 'I saw this ad on TV. The announcer said you could order this great collection of fifties and sixties rock 'n' roll songs by the original artists. You know what happened? The cassette arrived, but it turned out to be a collection of the old songs performed by a new group called the Original Artists. What a rip-off!...'" Yup, I totally remember that. And it's still stupid.

  6. So, to get her outfit for the big night, Stacey drags the girls to Zingy's, the store with "all that punk stuff." And this is the big winner: "...a hot pink (fake) silk jacket which fell to my knees, new black leggings [come on, Stace, did you really need another pair?], pink-and-black socks, and a black body suit. I planned to wear the outfit with black flats, and to dress it up with some jewelry and maybe a coupl of barrettes in my hair." Classy. You're going to a fancy business dinner, and you're dressing like you'll be spending the afternoon at the fucking mall.

  7. Heh. Arnie Swarteneggy.

  8. Ah, Stacey's imaginging the future, and her significant other's parents are divorced as well.

  9. Oh, and there's this whole thing where Stacey wishes there were a Divorce Handbook or some shit like that.

  10. I totally want a patch that says "Old bowlers never die; they end up in the gutter."

  11. Stacey bitches about delays at Grand Central. Shut up, Stacey.

  12. Heh. No one will tell Claire what a Bust Developer is.

  13. "I decided I had been away from New York too long. I was losing my grip on sophistication." Say it with me now, Shut up, Stacey!
  14. Stacey's dad says "But I swan." And I had to look that up. Apparently, to swan is to wander aimlessly or to dally. Huh.

  15. Heh, Stacey reminisces about Judy. See the archives for my Judy haiku.

  16. ANM, I'm so sure that some little kid knows what an "old-time medicine show" is.

  17. And how come Stacey gets to charge shit? I was never allowed to do that, and I would never authorize a fucking 13-year-old to use my charge card.



Oh, and one more time? Shut up, Stacey.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, and let me guess: all the other BSCers totally bitch about how Stacey is ignoring them and skipping meetings.
I mean, why didn't they just make her sorry ass the associate or whatever? Jeez.
I bet Logan and Shannon eat sweets, too.

ValueMeal2 said...

Isn't this also the book where, in the midst of describing Stacey's mom-sitter schedule, the ghostwriter talked about how "Mary Anne's mom" came at some point? It might only be in the older versions of the book, but it cracked me the hell up. Excuse me? Mary Anne's MOM? I just pretended it was Sharon, but it still amused me.

BTW, I LOVE reading these posts from you! Keep up the good work!

Soph said...

For Stacey being my favorite character back when I was reading the books, she really annoys the fuck out of me now ever since I figured out there were tons of internet communities for the BSC...

If you read the FBSC rpg on Livejournal, you'll understand my intense hatred for her. She's being such a little bitch right now, and I was wondering why she's changed, but truth is? SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE BITCH. Her and her self righteousness.

And the Zingy's outfit isn't...very...classy. If I were at that dinner, I'd think Stacey was a slut.

/end rant.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I forgot how snobby Stacey was in this book. I thought her dinner outfit was completely dibble as a little kid, but now, yuck: a fake silk jacket?

Was this the book where they introduced the Rosebud Cafe? They went to some restaurant after shopping and wanted to sit at the counter and pretend they were "college students from the 1940s." (Or 30s...or 50s? Well, can't remember.)

Mary Anne buys scented pens on their shopping trip. Pens. Uh... awesome. No Mal and Jessi, either, ANM was probably so bored with them she didn't want to write them in.

I liked how Claudia didn't think there was much distinction between crow's feet and laugh lines.

Anonymous said...

Stacey's outfit was. aw. ful. It's not just that it belonged to Stacey - it's the fact that it's hot pink and black. A *little* of that color combo, like in a hair clip or a funky pair of Cons or something - yeah, maybe I can accept that if you're going for an alternative punky look. But ALL OVER IS INSANE. Even for the 80s!!! SHUT UP, STACEY! :P

Anonymous said...

You know, if I'd gotten my dad's credit card at 13, I would've shelled out for a REAL pink silk jacket.

Okay, I would've bought a pile of Cure CDs. But they would've been REAL Cure CDs!

Anonymous said...

Valuemeal2 - it does say something about Mary Anne's mom. The number of editing/continuity errors in these books always astounds me - even as a 10 year old, I don't think I read one where I didn't notice at least 1 typo.

Kate said...

Haha, I totally remembered the Original Artists, too! I'd even forgotten where, exactly, it came from, but every time I see a Time Life CD collection commercial or something, I think of them...

Anonymous said...

From what I understand, "I swan" is what some people say instead of "I swear." Because "I swear" is short for "I swear to God," which is taking the Lord's name in vain.

Which is weird, because I never thought of Stacey's parents as particularly religious. Except...they do go to church in "Stacey's Mistake."

Anonymous said...

What the hell is a body suit? It sounds like she's going scuba diving. I mean, I guess I can picture it being sort of like overalls or something but how is she going to wear that with the rest of the outfit? Unless the pants were short and the leggings were longer, what would be the point of wearing leggings with that?

Anonymous said...

^ From what I understand, a body suit is more like a leotard. I remember body suits...

Erin said...

Here's something of interest...
This book was the last regular book entirely written by ANM. Maybe she was trying to get in some last minute jabs at Stacey.

help? said...

I'm hoping Tiff or one of her regular readers can help me out with a little dilemma I'm having. Back when I first discovered this awesome site, I was reading through the archives and found a link to a great BSC T-shirt that I wanted to buy for some friends for Christmas. But because it was September, and because I'm an idiot, I didn't bookmark it--and now I can't find it again. Multiple Google searches have yielded only this picture of the shirt. Anyone know where I can buy it?

Anonymous said...

http://catandgirl.com was offering that T-shirt, but I don't think they are anymore. Sorry!

If it's any consolation, I ordered mine two months ago, and it still hasn't arrived. For some reason, it was sent to my zip code in Chicago, then re-routed to suburban Illinois. Huh?

Anne-arky said...

"This book was the last regular book entirely written by ANM."

Gasp! I didn't know she had ghostwriters. Interestiiiinggg.....my childhood is shattering before my eyes!

Mollie Wells said...

I saw a bodysuit in a catalogue two days ago and almost threw up.

Denise said...

I love how some of the books say that Claudia and Stacey have the exact same fashion tastes, but the later books have Claud shopping at thrift shops while Stacey dresses so sophisticated. So in other words, they wouldn't be caught dead in each others' clothes.

Anonymous said...

-"I decided I had been away from New York too long. I was losing my grip on sophistication."-

Jeez. I thought you were kidding me when I read that. That's a bit much even for Stacey!

Seriously, it annoyed me how they thought she was sophisticated just because she comes from NYC.

Vani B. said...

I so looked forward to a book cover analysis. I just had to comment on how fugly Stacey looked on the front cover. She looks like Aaron Michael Metchik (Alan Gray in the BSC movie) in a blonde wig! Yet that was the photo they used on all of the BSC merchandise. This is your "drop-dead gorgeous" fashion plate?

Vani B. said...

Also, it seems like Hodges Soileau thought that Stacey was meant to have brown eyes, even though the books describe her as having blue eyes. Almost every cover except the original "The Truth About Stacey" cover depicts her as having brown eyes.

metamorphstorm said...

Yeah, the BSC girls were spoiled rotten and didn't like any of their friends to have non-BSC friends. I can only assume it's 'cause it'd mean a rewrite of the always-boring Chapter 2 instead of the "copy-and-paste-but-change-a-word-or-two-around-method-'cause-the-teenaged-girls-reading-this-will-never-notice!" method. And typing that out was painful.

And what annoys me most about Stacey, other than her snobbiness that everyone accepts as sophistication? The fact that she's moved 3 times between New York and Stoneybrook, which, granted, do tend to shift around on the map and cause travel times to vary between 1 hour and 4 hours. So, she moves 3 times between the same places and it's not even a long trip??????

I rant 'cause I'm only seven years older than she is and I've moved 24 times. And several of these moves were all the way across the province and into the territories (I'm Canadian, hee!) and there were usually multiple moves per year. As I believe I read "Tiff" say on here regarding Stacey's poor-me attitude about the moves and divorce (and hey, she should hear the actual horror stories of MY family life regarding divorce(s)!), "So she can suck it." Heh.