Wednesday, November 22, 2006

They aren't a clique of girls who have to dress alike, talk alike, think alike...; or, BSC #31: Dawn's Wicked Stepsister

Okay, so the fucking Pikes gave me a fucking stomach virus. Yup, I read this book and I caught the fucking Pike plague. I'm feeling much better, but I'm still recovering. However, I'm back in New England for Thanksgiving, which will hopefully speed my recovery...plus, Mom-cooked food!

This book starts the moment after the cliff-hanger ending of Mary Anne and the Great Romance, with Sharon's bouquet flying through the air towards a gaggle of gaggling girls [I always hide during this part of weddings. I don't want to even accidentally catch the bouquet!] all leaping and swatting. And, much to Dawn's chagrin, MARY ANNE CATCHES THE BOUQUET! How could this "happen?" It's Dawn's mom's bouquet, she should be the one to catch it! And that's just the start of a stupid, stupid story.

Yep, now the Spiers and Schafers have combined (and I totally forgot this, but Sharon takes Richard's name, which they never seem to mention in the later books? or maybe I just ignored it...but I feel like they always refer to Mrs. Schafer, not Mrs. Spier. Anyone?), and Jeff is all uncomfortable around Richard, cause he's PBS dad...And, in the dumbest move ever OKed by parents, Mary Anne and Dawn decide to share Dawn's room. Seriously, who gave this the green light? Cause their ass is fired! Two 13-year-old girls who have never shared a room with ANYONE cramming together in one room? Especially when there's a spare room just begging for Mary Anne's stuff? And when it starts to go bad (because it starts to go very badly), instead of being mature and discussing the problems (or even acting like a child and going to their parents), Dawn takes matters into her own hands and scares Mary Anne into moving out of her room. Seriously. Dumb. And, correct me if I'm wrong, Dawn never comes clean! She never tells M.A. about the stupid pranks, even if Mary Anne knows and just uses it as an excuse or whatever, Dawn weaves a wicked web of lies about the stupid tricks...LAME!

Subplot: Pikes get sick. I hate them right now. They made me ill.

Fun stuff!


  1. Um, in this book, Mary Anne's maternal grandparents died a while ago, but I don't think that's quite right? Hmmm...stupid ghostwriter...I mean manuscript assistant.

  2. Dawn goes out of her way to note that Watson is a "divorced, balding millionaire." Heh.

  3. "Nobody dresses like Claudia. She is totally cool. She wears funky stuff like pink sparkly high-topped sneakers, or short flared skirts over skintight leggings [can I just add, with a pointed look at a number of girls I saw in JFK airport yesterday, LEGGINGS ALONE ARE NOT PANTS! THEY DO NOT LOOK GOOD, NO MATTER HOW TINY YOUR ASS IS!], or wild jewelry she's made herself...Claudia has had several boyfriends, including a long-distance one named Will, but she doesn't have a special one right now." Aw, and I thought they were made for each other...(sarcastic sad face).

  4. Okay, this made me laugh: "Jessi's skin color doesn't matter a bit to any of us..." I'm not sure why I find it so funny, though. I guess I just here that followed by "but not everyone's as open-minded as we are." Just a little self-congratulatory.

  5. Ah, poor Logan's speech impediment. Instead of "my hair," he says "mah hayer." Oh, wait! That's supposed to be his accent. I get it. And his allergic little bro says "bah hayer," cause he's always stuffed up. Which I just don't buy.

  6. They hired a moving van to move a few blocks away...I'm a little jealous. I wish I could afford that.

  7. I wanted to smack Dawn every time she bitched about how Mary Anne was all grumpy about moving. Bitch, please! She's only ever lived in one house, and now she's leaving it. Give the girl a break. She's allowed to be crabby. She's the one who has to give up a bunch of stuff for this marriage, and you get to keep all your shit. So back off!

  8. I loved every time Mary Anne got all bitchy with Dawn. For example:
    "You know," began Mary Anne, "I don't think my skirt looks so great on you, after all. It's a little...tight."
    Everyone gasped.
    "Are you implying that I'm fat?" I exclaimed, which was ridiculous, because I'm pretty thin.
    "You said it, not me."

    Hilarious!

  9. Seriously, Dawn, shut up about Richard's organizational systems. Okay, just cause he's not a brain-dead slob like your mom doesn't mean he's a freak. Got that! There is nothing wrong with organizing your books (or records or CDs or whatever), and there is nothing wrong with organizing your closet. Sure, maybe he missed out on a fabulous career as a cataloger, but THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ORGANIZED! DON'T FUCK WITH HIS SYSTEMS JUST TO FUCK WITH HIM! THAT IS SO NOT COOL! Whoa. Sorry. I'll stop now.

  10. I find it hard to believe that Richard and Sharon never talked about the food things or the cleaning things or anything before getting married and moving in together. They've both been married before, and one of those marriages ended in d-i-v-o-r-c-e, so, you'd think they'd have discussed some of the practicalities beforehand. Just sayin'

  11. I also love when Mary Anne is all, "when you get a boyfriend" and "I'm sure someone will ask you out someday." It's crazy bitchy and fun. Please, make fun of Dawn. She needs it!

  12. Enter Carol, Dawn's dad's girlfriend.

  13. Another example of "our parents do this for free everyday...they must be crazy." Yes, girls parenting is hard. But you're the crazy ones, cause you take care of other peoples kids for small quantities of money (or none at all) during your free time. So shut up already.

  14. Enter the Hobarts: Mary Anne's old house has been sold to a foreign family, possibly from Austria...nope, it's Australia. It's Mal's future luv-ah.



Okay, I know I'm being totally nitpicky, but that's what I do, so EAT IT! Mary Anne's supposed to be one of the shortest girls in her class, and she and Kristy are the short ones in the club, so why is Mary Anne taller than Dawn on the cover? Also, Mary Anne's totally wearing mom-jeans, and Jeff looks like a friggin' clown.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

SWEET!!!! I always loved the fighting ones...those ho's aren't quite so goody-goody after all! Right on Tiff, now I can REALLY give Thanks!

marissa said...

Great review after a two-week too long absence. You were missed!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE THIS BOOOK!!... well, not love it. Just that this was one of the few BSC books that my sister and I owned. All the others we loaned from the library. And that height thing on the cover really bugged me too. PLUS Dawn's meant to have "so blonde it's practically white" hair that goes down to her waist - she's meant to have to swing it out the way before she sits down so she doesn't sit on it.

Also, re: the Pike Plague. I LOVE the bit where all the whiny kids are asking for special breakfasts, and Mal yells up the stairs "THIS IS NOT A RESTAURANT!!" Go Mal! ^_^

Anonymous said...

C'mon! Everyone wore tapered-leg-high-waist "mom" jeans in 1990! Hehe...

Anonymous said...

This was definitely one of my favourites. I adored bitchy!Mary Anne in it. So much for being all "sweet and sensitive."

Anonymous said...

^ Yeah! Bitchy Mary Anne is great. Can this book be added to the collection entitled "Mary Anne Grows A Pair"?

annie said...

2 things:
1- I have a vague recollection of it changing between this book and the one before it over who gave who a Now-We're-Sisters present. Didn't Dawn give Mary Anne one in book #30, and then in this one she mentions wanting to save for one since MA got her a present?

2- Where is the logic in Dawn trying to scare MA out of their room? Apparently making your sibling think there is a ghost in your room is more polite and easier than just suggesting that since you're both unhappy, one of you should switch rooms?

This book was annoying.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for pointing out that leggings aren't pants and aren't meant to be worn alone - This is a big peeve of mine here.

Artemis said...

Yes! Annie, you're right. I remember thinking that was so weird, when I reread it. Mary Anne is feeling sort of guilty in the first one, Mary Anne in the Great Romance, about not giving Dawn a present, but that switches in the next book.

Also, it was incredibly weird that Dawn never said anything to MA about the ghost thing. MA basically thinks that a ghost actually entered the room...? Seems achingly obvious it was Dawn.

Dawn also tends to be way bitchier in general when the two of them argue (anyone remember Mary Anne's Makeover...?)

Anonymous said...

ok i'm starting off admitting i own every BSC since rereading them is better than watching legends of the hidden temple reruns and laughing at the casio stereo prizes. but this book is in the running for most mistakes in regards to previous books- i think the person who catches the flowers is diff from book 30 to 31, in addition to m.a.'s present, and dawn's a raging bitch. please do the school spirit war one, dawn's ridiculously annoying there.

Liss said...

"Where is the logic in Dawn trying to scare MA out of their room? Apparently making your sibling think there is a ghost in your room is more polite and easier than just suggesting that since you're both unhappy, one of you should switch rooms?"

Yeah it would have been so much easier if one of them had said it wasn't working out... but Dawn said she'd rather scare Mary Anne because she was the one who pressured Mary Anne into sharing a room with her and she doesn't want to admit she was wrong... ok Dawn, you don't want to look like a prat so you decide to make Mary Anne look like a prat instead, how nice *rolls eyes.*

Btw, love the Pike Plague storyline, especially Mal's restaurant comment :D

jook said...

This blog rules. Great idea!

Anonymous said...

the thing about Mary Anne's maternal grandparents being dead was what she had always been lead to believe, and so, Dawn would also think that. at least, that's my way of explaining that continuity error. :P

Artemis said...

That in and of itself is a little weird, though. Mary Anne thinking her maternal grandparents were dead. Richard not even mentioning them to her? Not even mentioning that they'd taken care of her? Although I suppose I need to go back and reread the entry on Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic for that warped plot.

Anonymous said...

I feel bad for Dawn when Mary Anne screws with her about not having a bf, but it is hilarious. "Shy, sweet" Mary Anne is downright catty in this book. I'm in agreement about how there's nothing wrong with Richard's organization. At least the man doesn't leave wet towels on the bathroom floor.

Which leads me to say I hate Sharon in this book, especially when she was ignoring everyone during their debate about when to wash dishes or something, and kept watching TV. Irritating. And poor Tigger tosses his cookies and all she does is yell at Mary Anne about it. He's just a sweet little kitten! And probably well-behaved. Dawn also bitches and moans about him leaving cat fur on beds and eating his smelly breakast in the kitchen. Ugh. Shut up, Schafers.

"Enter the Hobarts: Mary Anne's old house has been sold to a foreign family, possibly from Austria...nope, it's Australia. It's Mal's future luv-ah." This totally cracked me up!

coquelicot said...

I always wondered why Mary Anne was taller than Dawn on the cover...

Elizabeth said...

I have to second the "mom jeans" comment.. that's all you could buy back then!

Besides Mary Ann being bitchy about moving, girls that age are notoriously bitchy anyways... it's the hormones kicking in. Wouldn't that have been a great book: BSC#524 - Claudia and Great Maxi Pad Caper?

Tenacious said...

I love the bitchy mary anne...

Isnt this after Mary Anne gets her "big" makeover? Why is her hair long on the cover and I just noticed she's taller than Dawn...

Next to Mallory and Kristy, Dawn was annoying as hell...

coquelicot said...

"Isnt this after Mary Anne gets her "big" makeover? Why is her hair long on the cover"

Her "big" makeover was quite a while after this book. But at least she still wasn't in pigtails and dressed like a second-grader.

Anonymous said...

And in another great leap in literary genius, she names the new Australian family after... thats right, one of the capital cities of Australia. Hobart (which is the capital of Tasmania)

Anonymous said...

I love how they're called 'Hobart' and they're from Australia. Do you get the picture she just picked a random australian city and decided that'll be a great surname? just realised the person above me just said that. But i'd just like to second it!
And yeah. Sharing a room? DUMB. And fighting over catching a bouquet? I thought these two were friends?
And I remember getting sad for Mary Anne when no one was understanding why she was sad about moving. I'd have hated to move.

Anonymous said...

That was your best review yet!
Loved it. You need to review Mary Anne's makeover, in the continuing Mary Anne and Dawn hate fest saga. I had the opposite reaction as a young'n -I thought Mary Anne was so overrated as "nice" - she was a a raging, self-righteous lunatic.

Myself said...

Dude. This is seriously hysterical. Seriosuly. Are you from PITTSBURGH by any chance?

emma said...

Maybe it's MA's hair that makes her taller... And I love how much of a wuss she is during the prank scene! How did she think any of that was real? Could she not guess that Dawn was behind it? What a dumbass. Teehee!

Janet said...

Okay....why did Mr. & Mrs. Pike let babysitters sit for their sick children? I still don't understand that one. The triplets have bronchitis, Mal has the chicken pox, etc --- the kids are CONTAGIOUS and they're just letting the babysitters come on over.

The Pikes sure love their ginger ale. It's almost like they want to get sick so they have an excuse to drink it. Does anyone else think that Vanessa was secretly happy that she hurt her ankle?

Anonymous said...

Okay, in Mary Anne and The Great Romance, Mary Anne is all "I'm gonna cry, Dawn got me a Now-we're-sisters present! Waah!" And then she got mad because she didn't get Dawn one. But in Dawn's Wicked Stepsister, which is AFTER Mary Anne and The Great Romance, Dawn is all "Let me take the sitting job," at a meeting because MARY ANNE had gotten her a now-we're-sisters present, when it's the other way around. Ghostwriters, I expect better from you.

metamorphstorm said...

I pointed out that Mary Anne/Dawn "now-we're-sisters" present mistake too, in my own blog! Of course, it was just a random entry, definitely not a whole review blog like this...

And I've moved 24 times, so I guess I couldn't really get why M.A. was all upset about moving. I guess I'm just detached from that kind of emotion nowadays...

Still, I liked this book. Sort of. I hate illnesses and all the coincidences that ALL the Pikes ended up sick or hurt at the same time (why couldn't that happen at the Brewer/Thomas household and Karen breaks her neck or something?) but I always love reading about teen girls having stupid fights, especially in the BSC.