Imitate a small child having a tantrum; or, What I did over my summer vacation.

So, I'm working on a Super Special recap, and I'll probably post it this weekend. In the meantime, I'd like to share a little something I picked up at the thrift for a mere $2...



I was browsing at books, looking to feed my habit, when I saw the board games...Maybe they'll have the BSC game, I thought to myself...



Imagine my surprise when thrift karma swung my way...



And there it was, shining in all its copyright 1989 glory...



You know you craved this game...



You wanted to answer questions like "What do you do when you're baby-sitting and the kids start a food fight?"



Or, "How would you plan to meet a cute boy who is new at your school?"



You wanted to make your best friend "Describe the cutest boy in your school and have everyone guess who is!"



Hope this will hold you until I get the Super Special recap done...

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Oh, yeah...if you're in the Dayton area, pick up the City Paper this week and turn to pg. 17!

Please don't kick me out of the BSC for doing this...

...But I really need to take a few weeks off...I've been updating weekly (with one exception) since March! I've been good!

Actually, I have a couple of big projects that need my attention. However, I will be back in two weeks, with some Super Special action. So, please don't go away forever! Read the archives! Try to track down copies of the Vampire Diaries! Just please come back in two weeks!!!!

I bet her real name is Mobobwee or something; or, BSC #14: Hello, Mallory

Um, doesn’t Mal have red hair? I swear on every cover and in every description, she has red hair. Right? Then how come “every single one of us Pikes, even my parents, has dark brown hair (Mom calls it ‘chestnut brown’ to make it seem les ordinary)?” Huh? My very belief system is shaken.

Oh, and Mal? Stop your bitching about your glasses and your braces. Get over it. Lots of people wear glasses, and even more have braces for a while.

So, in this book, Mal whines and the BSC ride out some ego trips. Oh, and Jessi shows up.

So, the BSC has invited Mal to join, but first she has to pass some tests (oral, drawn and practical). So for the oral/written test, the BSC ask these ridiculous questions that they don’t even know the answers to, and they make Mal draw a diagram of the digestive system (yeah, a sixth-grader). And then Mal totally fucks up the sitting part of the audition, mainly cause she’s nervous and Claudia’s kinda being a bitch. So, blah she fails and quits at the same time. So she and Jessi decide to start their own BSC, called Kids Incorporated (at which point the Disney lawyers are all “CEASE AND DESIST!!!!). But the stars align and the BSC get over themselves incorporate (heh, get it!) Kids Inc, into their little club.

Okay, so this is one of Ms. Martin’s attempts at social responsibility, so all of the racists are really fucking OBVIOUS. Which is boring. Seriously. Plus this is like the only book in which Jessi’s trying to be a comedienne.

Your “Thank you Captain Obvious” moment of the book comes on page 66.

Mallory: There are a lot of things I do well, and one of them is mope.

Outfit time!

Mallory: “I finally decided on my red jumper that said Mallory across the front, a short-sleeved white blouse, and white tights with little red hearts all over them.” [Now that’s dressing for success. Or kindergarten, take you pick.]

Kristy: “She was wearing faded jeans, sneakers, a pale pink turtleneck, and a dark pink sweater.” [I have always doubted that Kristy would ever wear pink.]

Mary Anne: “…she was wearing a baggy yellow sweater with a SILVER SQUIGGLE PIN [!!!!!!!!] near the collar, a short skirt made out of sweat-shirt material, yellow tights, and ballet slippers.”

Dawn: “She wears kind of casual clothes, like baggy jeans with the cuffs rolled up, shirts with the tails out, and big belts.”

Claudia: “[She wears] things like short, tight pants with little ballet slippers, or torn T-shirts decorated with sequins, or overalls and high-topped sneakers. And her jewelry! She has a bracelet that looks like a coiled snake, and earrings that are a dog for one ear and a bone for the other, and I don’t know what else.”

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YIPPEE!! So, I checked out the “Books for a dollar” shelf at the library tonight, and I bought the FIRST THREE SUPER SPECIALS!!!! And Dawn on the Coast! Yay!

She’s the kind of person who finds mistakes in the dictionary; or, BSC # 44: Dawn and the Big Sleepover.

Why on earth do five 13-year-olds and two 11-year-olds insist on caring for large numbers of young children? Seriously. Are they masochists? Idiots? Or do they really not have any idea that people get licensed to do that for a reason? Cause no sane young miss (or young and modern, depending on how old you are) would take on this job…

The plot: Stoneybrook Elementary has a sister school in New Mexico, and the Zuni children are pen pals with all the students at SES. Then, their school and a bunch of houses burn. So, Dawn, who doesn’t have a pen pal, gets all riled up and wants to help the Zunis. She and the rest of the BSC work with the teachers at SES to set up food, clothing and money drives. As a reward, all the students that participate “get to” spend the night in the school gym. Dawn and the BSC organize the whole shebang, with some help from the teachers. And it’s a huge success, cause when do the BSC girls ever fail?

The plot of this one was pretty boring, and it’s especially full of “aw, aren’t kids sweet/cute/clever/hilarious?” Which does nothing for me…so, I present a few things of note, then I’ll be done with this stinker…

A. The Pike triplets think that Pig Latin is their secret language. Cause every elementary school student in the country doesn’t know it at some point…And who taught them? And I’m pretty sure Mal knows it…

B. Dawn describes meeting the BSC: “Well the BSC made me feel totally welcome. Everyone was open and friendly, which was great, because nothing turns me off more than cliques where everyone dresses and sounds alike. Not that there are never any conflicts in the BSC, but everyone respects everyone else’s personality.” Yup. Unless you try and do something different or hang out with anyone else, or unless you’re not IN THE BSC.

C. Dawn: “Sometimes there are no more leftovers and one wants to cook, which means getting pizza or Chinese food or something.” Mmmm, healthy.

D. I always feel bad for Jackie Rodowsky. I know he’s klutz, but the BSC seem really kinda mean to him, always sighing and acting soooo put out.

E. Um, isn’t Raffi for like toddlers, not for grades 2-6 or whatever?

Okay, Claudia tries to out ass herself in this book.

Outfit 1: “For instance, she walked into school today wearing a bright yellow, oversize man’s jacket with rolled-up sleeves; a wide paisley tie right out of the nineteen-sixties; orange stirrup pants; ankle boots; and huge hoop earrings—and you know what? On her, it looked totally cool.” No, it didn’t. I rocked a similar outfit in elementary school/junior high, but with an oversize navy blue and forest green plaid blazer. And it didn’t look cool

Outfit 2: “Claudia greeted us at the door to her room with her hair in a ponytail on top of her head, held up by a huge barrette in the shape of a bone, like Pebbles in The Flintstones. It made her hair bounce when she moved. She was even wearing a Pebbles-type outfit—a pink, off-the-shoulder blouse with huge polka dots and a ragged bottom over black tights. On anyone else it would have looked dumb or babyish, but on Claudia it looked cool.” Again, no it didn’t. Choosing a cartoon infant as your fasion inspiration is NEVER a good idea.

Phone lines are now open for you to vote for the assiest. If you don't call, you can't complain when your assiest outfit doesn't win. Remember, you make the difference.