Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I also love rock and roll and the latest TV shows; or, BSC Mystery #13: Mary Anne and the Library Mystery.

So, my mom got this for me for Christmas, cause you know, I’m library girl. And I’m apologizing in advance, cause I know I’m gonna get all ranty with this one. Cause, oh, it pissed me off…

The plot: Mary Anne’s all sad sack, cause Logan’s busy playing volleyball and Dawn’s back in Cali for six months, and Mal’s got mono, cause she sucks that hard. So, MA is lonely and bored and in-a-weepy-watching-Roman Holiday mood. So, to give her something to dü, she tells Mrs. Kishi she’ll help in the Children’s Room at the library for their Readathon program. But once she starts, someone keeps setting little fires by burning books! From the fifth grade reading list! And there are suspects, including the mean new children’s librarian! Nicky Pike! The book-banning protestors! The library ghost! Just kidding! No ghost in this one! But it turns out it’s one of the minor kids in the BSC universe.

So, seriously, what’s up with the whole ‘WE have to solve the mystery!” thing? I never once felt the need to actually attempt to solve a mystery. Sure, I may have played at it, or whatever, or daydreamed about it. And maybe I was a chickenshit, but faced with actually trying to solve a real mystery? OH HELL NO! One, I can’t really think of a real mystery I ever came across. And two, even if I did, I would not want to get involved with that shit! Leave it to the pros! And even if I did get all nebby (that’s for you PoBal) and try and get involved in the mystery, I certainly wouldn’t let my young baby-sitting charges stick their little noses in, dig?

Anyhoo.

Okay, in her “volunteer” position, Mary Anne teaches kids to use the card catalog (heh…old-timers!), and helps them find books (that’s called reader’s advisory, kids! And reference!) Seriously, if I were here, I’d be pissed I wasn’t get paid. Cause she’s doing the work of a professional, or at least (what we in the profession call) a paraprofessional…At least, they should let MA in the union, cause she’s working part time…AND SHE’S ONLY 13!!!!!! They’re letting her do all this shit without any training? What kind of shoddy operation is Mrs. Kishi running, anyway?

Oh, and book banning’s bad, m’kay? So is book burning…Yeah, there’s this group of protestors trying to get a whole list of books banned from the library…but, and this is the hilarious part, ANM totally glosses over the details…the BSC are all, I can’t see anything wrong with it…but no one ever says what’s objectionable about any of these books! And at the end, ANM is all “for more, info, contact ALA-OIF (that’s the Office of Intellectual Freedom of the American Library Association). I guess that’s the subplot of this one: banning books is bad! Suicide! Don’t do it!

Oh, and I doubt a bunch of dumbass baby-sitter girls who are only 13 can solve the mystery all by themselves…shut up bitches…

Okay, some fun fashion from your fave wannabe youthquakers:

“Claudia was wearing a big white shirt over a bright pink jumpsuit. Her earrings, also bright pink, were in the shape of flamingos. On her feet were pink high-tops. Stacey was wearing a red miniskirt, a red-and-white striped shirt, red heart-shaped earrings, and short black boots.” Okay, I’m losing my touch; aside from being crazy matchy (and the earrings), Stacey’s outfit actually sounds…cute [shocked gasps! Women fainting!]

[Also, I just read the Truth About Stacey graphic novel, and she looks wicked cute in it! It was surreal not being able to make fun of Stacey’s “sophistication.”]

Heh. Claudia criticizes the protestors outfits: “You should have seen some of the outfits these people were wearing. I mean, I wouldn’t even call them outfits. Nothing matched, everything clashed, and they obviously don’t know a thing about coordinating accessories.” Claud, love, we need to talk. Pot calling kettle black here.

Okay, there’s tons more to make fun of in this one, but it’s been painful enough…Seriously. Dying here. Ugh.

Oh, and the cover? Is that smoke? Or a ghost? I know the tagline is “Someone’s playing with fire—for real, but I totally thought it was a ghost story…What do you think?

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha, Claudia, kettle's on line one. They want to talk to you about that new shade of black they sent over...

Anonymous said...

The cover looks a bit more like Mary Anne just had a dodgy curry, if you know what I mean...

coquelicot said...

Those yellow boots that the kid's wearing (can't make out who it's supposed to be)--is he/she getting ready for the fire dept to flood the place with water?

Anonymous said...

I LOVE Mary Anne's bowl cut! She just looks fabulous!

Anonymous said...

SO who was burning the books and why?

Tiff said...

Oops...a kid named Sean Addison...His parents forced him into the readathon, and he felt like they weren't paying attention to him or some shit like that...

Anonymous said...

WOW arson in retaliation for a read-a-thon. That's just nuts. I hope they sent him to juvie for that one.

Annie said...

Wasn't it Sean Addison's sister (Corey or Carey or something) that was being ignored by her parents in Claudia and the Sad Good-Bye? If so, sheesh, the Addison's are hardly parents of the year...

bel said...

My favourite thing on that cover is the poster just above the cloud of smoke/garroting gas/ghost/whatever. The girl in it (who looks oddly like Mallory) is waaaaay too into hugging that book.

The Crane Wife said...

Judging by Mary Anne's haircut on this cover, the book takes place after her oh-so-fabulous makeover. Why, then, is she wearing that horrid sweater? Those were never cool, ever!

Clare said...

I'm pretty sure I've seen a picture of either Sienna Miller or Mischa Barton wearing the Stacey outfit you described...

PoBaL said...

What Magical Library of Fairyland is this that none of the paid employees were pissed that a 13yrold volunteer was taking their work?

Frankly, I'm surprised that there would be books worth banning/burning in Mrs Kishi's library. What? Nancy Drew's trash but the blow job scene in Looking For Alaska's acceptable?

Miss Sleepy said...

Maybe this should be called something else instead....

Mary-Anne and the mystery of the daggy sweater.

Mary-Anne and the trouble with Indian food.

Mary-Anne hates the cover artist.

Mary-Anne and the odd, freaky, maybe a bit creepy, white, blurry thing.

Mary-Anne and the librarians who broke child labor laws.

The librarians take revenge on Mary-Anne after discovering she stole all their work, so they try to fatten her up Hansel and Gretel style before baking her into a pie but not before they realise that some stupid kid is burning their books and they get so tired trying to sort out all the books because they have such long titles that they just collapse into a pile...

veronica said...

Hey there! I randomly found your blog and I am so glad that I did, because it is the best thing ever. I grew up reading these books and never realized the sheer ridiculousness of the BSC until I re-read a bunch of them a couple of years ago. So thanks for the amusement, I'll be sure to check back frequently.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, the whole point with the Addison kids is that their parents are always dumping their kids into activities in order to carve out time for themselves. Basically, both Sean and Corey Addison just want their parents' love and attention but Mama and Papa hardly give them the time of day. Surprisingly by the end of the series, the Addison parents really haven't improved much despite the BSC's best efforts to reform them. Which is very strange given that the BSC can practically cure dying children with a twitch of their nose.

[blushes] I can't believe I remember all of this despite it having been years since I read the books.

Anonymous said...

I think the girl on the cover with the awful shoes is Rosie Wilder, she was in this book a lot.

Anonymous said...

What KILLS me about the BSC is that the parents are ALWAYS out(when do they spend time with their kids) and they ALWAYS hire a babyistter.

Anonymous said...

Sean Addison was burning the books, I think, (recalling vague memories, you know, Corrie Addison's brother, the one who got left out and the one in
'Claudia and the Sad Goodbye'?

Maya said...

You can't leave out this awesome quote by sensitive Miss Spier: "Working at the library would be a zillion times better than watching old movies and crying all afternoon!"