So, my mom got this for me for Christmas, cause you know, I’m library girl. And I’m apologizing in advance, cause I know I’m gonna get all ranty with this one. Cause, oh, it pissed me off…
The plot: Mary Anne’s all sad sack, cause Logan’s busy playing volleyball and Dawn’s back in Cali for six months, and Mal’s got mono, cause she sucks that hard. So, MA is lonely and bored and in-a-weepy-watching-Roman Holiday mood. So, to give her something to dü, she tells Mrs. Kishi she’ll help in the Children’s Room at the library for their Readathon program. But once she starts, someone keeps setting little fires by burning books! From the fifth grade reading list! And there are suspects, including the mean new children’s librarian! Nicky Pike! The book-banning protestors! The library ghost! Just kidding! No ghost in this one! But it turns out it’s one of the minor kids in the BSC universe.
So, seriously, what’s up with the whole ‘WE have to solve the mystery!” thing? I never once felt the need to actually attempt to solve a mystery. Sure, I may have played at it, or whatever, or daydreamed about it. And maybe I was a chickenshit, but faced with actually trying to solve a real mystery? OH HELL NO! One, I can’t really think of a real mystery I ever came across. And two, even if I did, I would not want to get involved with that shit! Leave it to the pros! And even if I did get all nebby (that’s for you PoBal) and try and get involved in the mystery, I certainly wouldn’t let my young baby-sitting charges stick their little noses in, dig?
Okay, in her “volunteer” position, Mary Anne teaches kids to use the card catalog (heh…old-timers!), and helps them find books (that’s called reader’s advisory, kids! And reference!) Seriously, if I were here, I’d be pissed I wasn’t get paid. Cause she’s doing the work of a professional, or at least (what we in the profession call) a paraprofessional…At least, they should let MA in the union, cause she’s working part time…AND SHE’S ONLY 13!!!!!! They’re letting her do all this shit without any training? What kind of shoddy operation is Mrs. Kishi running, anyway?
Oh, and book banning’s bad, m’kay? So is book burning…Yeah, there’s this group of protestors trying to get a whole list of books banned from the library…but, and this is the hilarious part, ANM totally glosses over the details…the BSC are all, I can’t see anything wrong with it…but no one ever says what’s objectionable about any of these books! And at the end, ANM is all “for more, info, contact ALA-OIF (that’s the Office of Intellectual Freedom of the American Library Association). I guess that’s the subplot of this one: banning books is bad! Suicide! Don’t do it!
Oh, and I doubt a bunch of dumbass baby-sitter girls who are only 13 can solve the mystery all by themselves…shut up bitches…
Okay, some fun fashion from your fave wannabe youthquakers:
“Claudia was wearing a big white shirt over a bright pink jumpsuit. Her earrings, also bright pink, were in the shape of flamingos. On her feet were pink high-tops. Stacey was wearing a red miniskirt, a red-and-white striped shirt, red heart-shaped earrings, and short black boots.” Okay, I’m losing my touch; aside from being crazy matchy (and the earrings), Stacey’s outfit actually sounds…cute [shocked gasps! Women fainting!]
[Also, I just read the Truth About Stacey graphic novel, and she looks wicked cute in it! It was surreal not being able to make fun of Stacey’s “sophistication.”]
Heh. Claudia criticizes the protestors outfits: “You should have seen some of the outfits these people were wearing. I mean, I wouldn’t even call them outfits. Nothing matched, everything clashed, and they obviously don’t know a thing about coordinating accessories.” Claud, love, we need to talk. Pot calling kettle black here.
Okay, there’s tons more to make fun of in this one, but it’s been painful enough…Seriously. Dying here. Ugh.
Oh, and the cover? Is that smoke? Or a ghost? I know the tagline is “Someone’s playing with fire—for real, but I totally thought it was a ghost story…What do you think?