Monday, February 26, 2007

Monsters do not like red; or, BSC #46: Mary Anne Misses Logan

1. I could have sworn I had done this one already, but I think I just reread it before I started the blogging.

2. This cover



represented everything I thought being a teenager was about. Going rollerskating with your friends, one of whom would be wearing a fedora. Actually, I wanted to be the one with the fedora. It’s true. Plus, Mary Anne’s totally wearing mom jeans.

Okay, the plot: Dude, isn’t it obvious? Mary Anne fucking misses Logan. And there’s some super lame author project that every 8th grader has to do, and she winds up in a group with Pete Black, Logan, and Cokie Mason (who is, incidentally, totally schemin’ on Logan). La la la la. Pete and M.A. do all the work, but Logan finally pitches in at the end, just in time for them to present in front of the whole school and the author they’ve been studying. (Megan Rinehart, whom the all-knowing internet tells me doesn’t actually exist.) And Cokie totally eats it.

Subplot: Toilet Monster. Fucking retarded. Seriously. Um, Korman kids think there’s a monster in their toilet. And I got stupider just reading about it.

So, we list:


  1. Okay, MA’s all, “oh, I’m missing a part of me, we knew each other so well, blah, blah, blah, whiny girlie bullshit” but they started dating in 8th grade, and they’re still in 8th grade, so how long were they together anyway? And I know, they’re thirteen (and fictional), and it’s all love and overwrought, but give me a break…

  2. “I’m not allowed to wear really cool things, such as cowboy boots, the way most of my friends are.” Hee!

  3. Heh. “Everyone is an individual, but Dawn is a true individual.” Also, “Dawn could probably get away with wearing a burlap bag, because she’s gorgeous."

  4. Having younger siblings does not necessarily make you patient. Just sayin’

  5. “Hi, by dabe is Hudter Brudo.” I hate you, ANM. That’s just dumb. And it’s always been dumb.

  6. Oooh! Stacey fashion! “…like paisley-print leggings; a huge, long shirt; short, black, lace-up boots; and a ton of silver jewelry. She might top off the look with a black fedora.” Yup.

  7. Claudia likes accessories (Really? I had no clue!): “T-shirt clips, slap-wrist bracelets, and for her hair, ties, beads, ribbons, combs, you name it.” Scorpions? Would she wear live scorpions in her hair? Please?

  8. Heh, Claud thinks that they might get assigned Danielle Steele [shouldn’t that just be Steel?] or Stephen King, and everyone makes fun of her…

  9. Dude, MA starts crying when she finds out Logan’s in her group.

  10. Cokie flirts with Logan. A lot. And it makes MA jealous. Whoop-di-shit. [I’ve never had to spell that before.]

  11. Shut up, Kristy, you do not know everything about child-rearing at 13. ‘Kay?

  12. Mary Anne’s big reconciliation date outfit? An “oversized blue top and a pair of red tights.” Isn’t she supposed to be shy? As in, too shy to leave the house barely dressed?




And, happy ending, they’re back together. Lucky, lucky us.

38 comments:

PoBaL said...

Shit. I totally forgot this was the Toilet Monster book. Stupid, stupid toilet monster.

Anonymous said...

I *love* your blog. It totally makes me want to go back and reread all those great books from childhood--and BSC is definitely at the top of that list!

Betty Sue said...

What's a T-Shirt clip?

Dawn said...

The cover of this book always annoyed me...They never went roller skatng in the book, did they? Oh, and mary Anne looks boyish to me...

Anonymous said...

Apparantly tights = leggings in the BSC.

I always thought the cover was stupid, but I do like Claudia's fedora. Isn't Mary Anne supposed to be super petite? She looks pretty tall there. Kristy's totally going to break her arm...

nancy said...

“Everyone is an individual, but Dawn is a true individual.” hahaha. Dawn is such a fucken tool.

Have you thought about having a poll on who everybody's worst character is? My first thought would be Dawn but then I remember Mal and her stupid face. It's just so hard to choose.

Anonymous said...

Oh, thank you so much for taking my suggestion! I love it, I love it.

Your blog makes Tuesdays worth coming to work.

coquelicot said...

Dawn, I was going to post the same thing. Why show roller-skating on the cover if that's not in the book?

This was also the first time I'd ever heard of a kid being named "Skylar." I thought it was a totally bizarre name when I first read the book.

Anonymous said...

I don't get the whole tights=leggings thing in the BSC...it's not as if they didn't actually call them leggings in other books. I always saw them as actual tights in this book, and the shirt was long enough to cover everything, like a dress. Hmmm...that doesn't really make the outfit any better, does it? :D

Margie said...

WHOA. T-shirt clips and slap wrist bracelets?? Helloooooooo late 80s-early 90s! *shudder* (betty sue-- I think a t-shirt clip is that thing that you pull the end of your t-shirt through so it makes a cute little bunch of fabric at your waist and it's SOOOO COOL... if you're 1990.)

I've never read this book, and now I don't really need to. Love. This. Blog.

And wtf, toilet monster? No wonder I never liked the effing Kormans. Boooooring.

Caroline said...

I think I need some more roller skating, fedora wearing friends.

I used to have a neon green T shirt clip thing. I wore it with my oversize tie dyed T shirt and thought I was so cool. I was also seven.

Anonymous said...

Yeah MA should still be wearing pants on her date, that's my opinion.

And way to have a spine and just go back to Logan even after he dates Cokie right under your nose! Making strides for feminist teens everywhere!!!

Anonymous said...

I LURVE this blog, Tiff. So, while browing jcrew.com the other afternoon, I found this (browse to Look Number 9) in the Editor's Spring Look Book.

Seem like foldingo-over-and-rolling-up your jeans is back in fashion, eh?

Julia said...

This is the one when Cokie talks about reading four Beatrix Potter books in a week, isn't it? I loved that bit.

Sophia said...

HAHAHAHA. Stacey's outfit looks like something those sorority bitches would wear today. Oh how she'd fit right in with the current fashions of the year...god someone shoot whoever decided to resurrect the 80s fashion trend. It's something I don't care to repeat.

God, MaryAnne is such a whiner. She bitches about him being too controlling, and now that she has independence, she misses that control? Seriously, go get a hobby, you're pathetic to get back together with someone who used to order your damn food for you.

Jo said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but when Mary Anne first met Dawn in the fourth book, didn't she say Dawn wasn't that pretty? And now suddenly Dawn's gorgeous?

Anonymous said...

You're right, she did say that about Dawn. Hmmm...inconsistencies in the BSC? NEVER!!!

Anonymous said...

does anyone remember one of the stories being about a different babysitter? Not the bsc or the california group, but someone else? Am I totally making this up or does anyone else remember something like this?

Anonymous said...

anonymous... are you thinking of the Baby Sitters Agency in #3 The Truth About Stacey?

Margie said...

Jo-- it's like how Mallory has "chesnut brown" hair when we first meet her, and then it somehow becomes red. Or perhaps how Jessi never wanted to be a professional dancer in the first books, but that's all she wants in later "years".

Anonymous said...

Does every else pronounce Cokey as Coke-ee?

God, that is a stupid name. I remember that I always that Cokie was cool because she hated the BSC girls, but then in some mystery book she befriended Kristy or something because her grandmother liked her and I was disappointed again.

Anonymous said...

Yup, that's how I pronounce Cokie. But her real name is Marguerite!

Library Lady said...

This is my all time fav BBC book. I heart it. You hate it compared to how much I love it. But, some thoughts:

1) I think I said this before, but how do we go from the names Mary Anne, Mallory, Stacey, to... Cokie? Hmm? Where does this name come from?

2)Mallory is the worst... Total boring spaz. Snoresville.

3) Logan is a dick.

4) But, that said... Do we think they were sleeping together? Hmmm? Are you with me? Are you with me?

Jen said...

HA! I just read this last night. I was trying to kill some time so I went to my local used bookstore and headed straight for the BSC books. I couldn't believe Mary Anne bought Logan's feeble excuse about how he went out with Cokie because he actually missed Mary Anne. He just wanted to go out with a chick who would let him get to second base. I mean, he's a 13-YEAR-OLD BOY for fuck's sake, and Mary Anne is practically planning their damn wedding.

Anonymous said...

How come, in the world of ANM, oversized= stylish? Seriously, what is with all the oversized shirts? Way to make yourself look huge.

nerdcore said...

Wonderful blog. I was a huge nerdy BSC fan up until sixth grade or so (part of the monthly Scholastic book club too). I don't know why this knowledge has stayed with me for the past fifteen years but in regards to the cover, I'm pretty sure there was just a stock of super fun teenage goodtimes illustrations hanging around. I still recall having the BSC calendar in the early nineties. Each month was usually a cover of a BSC book in the calendar. Sometimes, it was jut a super fun teenage goodtimes illustration (which this cover happened to be, up until they used it for this book). Why I still remember this, I have absolutely no clue.

Anyway, I love the hilarious descriptions of their outfits. But from this book? It seems like Mary Kate and Ashley (and Lindsay to a lesser extent) are taking their fashion cues from Stacey and Claudia.

Susan said...

At the age of 23 I look back now and imagine a couple of 13 year olds going to a fancy Italian restaurant. And I laugh and laugh.

veronica said...

I used to have snap bracelet. It was actually a Never Ending Story snap bracelet, if you can get any more late 80s/early 90s than that.

Anyway. I always wanted to read this book because of the cover. I thought that roller skating looked really cool and fun, and that those girls were probably really cool and fun. Oh, how wrong I was.

Anonymous said...

I think snap bracelets ended up getting banned at my school, cause they were causing injuries from being snapped too meanly or something.

Stephanie said...

stupid Kormans. Bill was what, 9? and Melody was 7-8? don't you get over being afraid of the toilet by the time you're 3 and fully toilet trained? yeah, stupid plot.

Melissa said...

Hi Tiff (and everyone else reading this),
I'm a student at the Columbia Journalism School and am working on a story about grown-ups who are still into their childhood books. I want to find out about your experience re-reading the books, what you got out of it, why you think these books have stuck with women so much, etc.
The story is for the Columbia News Service, which is a news wire. Articles go out to 400 newspaper editors nationwide.
Please e-mail me at msk2135@columbia.edu - I'd really like to talk about your BSC interest!
Thanks,
Melissa

Krista said...

This book has the best cover of any BSC book. At least I love it.

Erin said...

Oh, but Richard didn't approve of Mary Anne's nearly naked outfit. He tells her it's too revealing and she says it's not as revealing as a bathing suit and so he lets her leave the house like that.

Anonymous said...

Ah, I loved this book. I mean, MA is only thirteen, and she acts as if she cannot live with Logan. Like they're in love or something. You're only thirteen, Mary Anne.
Oh, the Toilet Monster. Okay, that was lame. LAME.

Zesty Cactus said...

*cackle* Claudia wears slap bracelets!

Also, when I was like, seven I thought her name was "Cookie" Mason. The fuck.

Kelsie said...

“Dawn could probably get away with wearing a burlap bag, because she’s gorgeous."

Haha, I distinctly remember that line.

Blackjack Strategies said...

Very interesting phrase

metamorphstorm said...

1. This blog is one of the best things to ever happen to the Internet

2. The BSC girls ALWAYS wore oversized tops and leggings, so I don't see why Claudia and Stacey are continually described in every gag-worthy Chapter 2 as "sophisticated"

3. In the book where Dawn is introduced (#4, "Mary Anne Saves The Day," and page 32 for anyone too lazy to flip through it!) she (Dawn) is described: "She wasn't exactly pretty..." etc., and yet I read in this post that she can get away with wearing a burlap sack 'cause she's gorgeous? Yeah, yeah, I know picking on the continuity of THIS series (especially like 30 years later) is pointless...

4. The allergy talk makes my eyes water. Not so much because it's painfully sucking my soul out through my tear ducts as much as I remember sounding exactly like Hunter/Abby/whatever during my allergy-ridden years, and it sucked, and it sucks to be reminded of just how I sounded :p