So, in this train wreck, Mallory finds out that this farm on the outskirts of town is offering English-style riding lessons. And she and Jessi decide to take them, only Jessi's parents veto that idea. But through "bargaining," Mal can take the classes if she pays for half. So, she does. And not far in, she falls off the horse!!!! But she gets back on!!!! Though, undercutting the uplift aspect of all this, she's miserable and scared shitless. But she sticks with it. Or something. And she tries (unsuccessfully) to make friends with the rich kids in her class. Finally, she makes it through, and she even wins 6th place (out of twelve) in the class horse show/competition/whatever. Oooh.
Subplot A: The Pike kids are putting on a neighborhood talent show.
Subplot B: Nina Marshall (4) is having trouble at preschool, cuz she brings a giant (titular) blanket everywhere she goes, and the other little shits make fun of her...
There was far too much "Aw, shucks, aren't kids cute/clever" and "Aw, poor kid...how can we help where her parents obviously can't" in this book. I hate when she pulls that shit. Did anyone really read these books to read about the little kids? Bring on the middle school drama, bitch!!!
- Book's tagline: "Mallory's gone horse crazy!" Skank has always been crazy.
- Also, from the summary on the back: "But then the lessons begin and Mallory discovers that dreaming about horses can be a lot more fun than actually riding them."
- Okay, so all of the stupid stuff about Mal & Jessi loving horses reminds me of that line in Lost in Translation: "I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet."
- Um, what do "graceful fingers" have to do with ballet dancing?
- I really doubt that Mal would always be so amused by the shenanigans of her brothers and sisters. Um, she's an awkward adolescent.
- "Well, Dawn is sort of dating Logan's cousin, Lewis. Sort of. It's hard to call it dating since he lives in Louisville, Kentucky. But they write each other and, as Dawn says, they definitely have a strong friendship." I love when one-off boys get mentioned again.
- Who wants an outfit? "Claudia can put together strange combinations of clothes--like one of her father's old shirts over tie-dyed tights, with a big belt and a funky vest--and look like she stepped out of a fashion magazine." Or a zit cream commercial.
- Did you know that Stacey is the reigning "Queen of Dibbleness?"
- Seriously? These girls do not know more than their charges' parents. Especially when they spend all of an hour every few weeks with the kid. Yet they solve all their fucking probs. My ass. And probably yours too.
- Plus, I'm sure Kristy would understand if Mal were late to a meeting because she had to talk to Mrs. Marshall about Nina's issues.
- Heh. "Just like Star Search."
- Oh, and there's this whole Jessi is jealous and Mal is a brick wall and can't understand why Jessi's acting all weird when she starts to talk horses subplot thingy.
- Oh, yeah! One of the girls in Mal's class is Allison Anders. Though I'm sure it's not this Allison Anders: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0025978/
- Okay, so after Mal falls off the horse, her mom takes her to the hospital. And Mal's doctor meets them there, fresh from the golf course wearing the outfit of the week: "bright yellow pants, an electric blue polo shirt, and a visor." Yup.
- Okay, Claud can't even spell "laugh" when she's writing a joint entry in the club notebook, and Stacey just fucking spelled it for her.
- "At first I thought I'd go wild, like Claudia, with tie-dyed tights and a bright purple oversized T-shirt knotted at the bottom, and maybe a big red belt. But then I decided since I didn't know the kids well I really should dress more conservatively...I was wearing a gold-and-brown kilt, a matching gold cotton sweater, and penny loafers."
- Oh, so the solution to the Nina/Blankie drama? Blankie gets destroyed in the dryer, and Dawn accidentally tears it apart. But, because Dawn's so quick on her feet, she shows Nina how to hide the pieces. Blah.
- Apparently, D-Day is actually of "Dying-of-Embarrassment Day." Sure, I'll bite.
- Oh, and Mal's obsessed with Pax, the dream horse. In fact, according to Jessi, "He really is the most beautiful horse in the world...You're so lucky to have known him, even if it was for a short time." Because Jessi is a 45-year-old mother.
- Um, Nicky Pike can use stilts?
- Oh, and there's this whole lameass "We're so good at solving problems" thing where all the BSCers are, like, congratulating themselves for something or other. Boring.
Whew. Look at the pretty horsie!