So, the basic idea here is that Stacey develops a mega-crush on Wesley "Wes" Ellenburg, who's teaching her math class for a few weeks. She stays after class to help him out, and she actually thinks that he has feelings for her, too. And that he's too shy or confused to tell her. Or something. Finally, she writes him a love poem, but she keeps hoping that things will work out between them. But he pretty much sets her straight at the Spring Dance.
Subplot: Some people with a farm on the edge of town ask Dawn and Mary Anne to take care of their baby goat (a "kid" named Elvira). And they BRING THE GOAT ON THEIR SITTING JOBS!!!!! In what universe is that considered "professional?" Huh? And, if I may, wackiness ensues.
The cover cracks my shit up!
A. Stacey looks really young, and Wes looks way older than 22.
B. The name of the dance is in single quotes.
C. Jessi's coolly appraising his ass.
List time! [Forgive me in advance for any Twin Peaks references. I'm watching Season 2 which is FINALLY out on DVD. I'm obsessed. I was actually in the Twin Peaks Club in college..."She acted like she wanted to do it with me through the bars..." Hee!]
- La, la, la. I'm Stacey, and I'm from New York. Look at how city-girl I am, what with getting distracted by flowers during my favorite class. Boring.
- Okay, so Wes is in the master's program at Stoneybrook Community College (but later, he says he's getting his B.A.). Um, they don't even offer bachelor's degrees at most community colleges. And apparently, he lives in the dorms there...Um, wrong? Community college=commuter school. I'm so confused.
- Stacey has this whole thing about the name Wesley Ellenburg being really nerdy until she sees him. And thinks he's Tom Cruise. Yup.
- Yum. "All-natural Crispy Rancho-style Veggie-Rice Nuggets with Nacho Substitute Cheese-food Flavor." Or, as PoBal calls it, Veggie Crack. Am I the only one who doubts that Claudia could find the health food store?
- Apparently, the whole B.C.E./C.E. (or B.C./A.D., if you prefer) is obsolete in Stoneybrook. Rather, there's BBSC (Before Baby-sitters Club). And, I'm guessing, BSC.
- Here's what Stacey has to say about Watson: "He's a really sweet guy, very quiet, and a terrific gardener." Oh, sure, she mentions the whole millionaire thing, too, don't worry. But he's a gardener, most of all.
- Wow, Stacey loves the expression "Go figure." And thus, I will never be able to say that again without thinking of blondie there.
- Nothing says "mature" like the following sentence: "Logan has been bitten by the cute bug (definition: major hunk)."
- Blah, misunderstandings. Stacey hears Mrs. Stone talking about the baby goat, but thinks she's talking about a little kid. LAME. And seriously played out.
- Stacey's dad went to Wesleyan. Interesting.
- Seriously, read this book just for the many retarded things Stacey says in medias crush. Definite word vomit that could easily induce actual vomit.
- I got entirely too excited about the reappearance of Sabrina Bouvier.
- Oh hells yeah!
Then I thought of something extremely important. My clothes. I had gone to class wearing an oldish pair of stretch pants and an oversized turquoise men's shirt. Not awful, but not spectacular. There was no way I'd make that mistake the next day.
I rifled through my closet. One by one, I looked at my best outfits.
Long red gown? Too dressy. [Ya think?] Stone-washed jeans (with a knit top)? Too casual. Paisley-print stirrup pants? Too faded.
I started the process at 4:35. By 5:05, I found myself staring at a short, rayon challis [huh?] tank dress my mom had ordered for me. It was navy with white polka dots. The fitted top tapered down to a flared skirt, with white buttons down the front. It was feminine, yet comfortable-looking. Absolutely perfect.
- Charlotte's romantic foil is named Diane Dumschat. Say that out loud. Try it. It's fun.
- Stacey actually thinks she's in love.
- Dawn and Mary Anne think they know how to take care of a goat better than the goat's fucking owner. Good to know it's not just non-goat kids that happens with. [Ugh. That is a grammatically horrendous sentence. Much apologies.]
- The only thing worse than ANM's Louisville dialect? Her Aussie one.
- Okay, Wes's Toyota Corolla is pretty beat-ass for only being 7. The bumper is held on with rope. Heh, and Toyotas are Stace's favorite car.
- Join me in the coffee house for a poetry reading (note the capitalization of "Fortune," very arty):
I see two stars in summer's night
Hovering, lost, in blinding light,
Each so dull in heaven's net,
So each remains, as yet unmet.
But Fortune moves in strangest ways;
It lengthens nights, it shortens days.
May this night end, and day begin
And bring two young people back again.
- Oh, yeah! Dance clothes!
- Stacey: "It was a calf-length silk/cotton dress with pastel floral print, a scoop neck, and a shirred skirt that was slit to above the knee on one side." Huh? Sounds...kinda ugly, actually.
- "Jessi looked sensational, in an indigo blue unitard with a matching open-mesh oversized cardigan." The fuck? And the fug? This even offends my joke-obsession with unitards. And a hole-y cardigan? Is that what open-mesh is???? It hurts even thinking about this outfit. Seriously!
- What 22-year-old wears a tux to a middle school dance????? Wes.
- Okay, now. They feed a baby goat Doritos, Twinkies, Snickers, Milk Duds, a Chunky bar and Reese's peanut butter cups. It's just wrong.
- Ah, Charlotte's got the philosophy about boys early on: "They're just dumb. It's stupid to even think about them." Right on.
- Blah, Stacey's heartbroken.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to watch HAWT Agent Cooper leaning over dying Leland, with the wet hair flopping in his face. Sigh.