Monday, April 09, 2007

Boyfriendless and momless on a beautiful afternoon; or, BSC #65: Stacey's Big Crush

Scientologists (sort of) and baby goats and love poems, oh dear.  And a very deluded 13-year-old. Who honestly thinks she has a shot with her student teacher ("He's smart. He's handsome. He's 22!"). 

So, the basic idea here is that Stacey develops a mega-crush on Wesley "Wes" Ellenburg, who's teaching her math class for a few weeks.  She stays after class to help him out, and she actually thinks that he has feelings for her, too.  And that he's too shy or confused to tell her.  Or something.  Finally, she writes him a love poem, but she keeps hoping that things will work out between them.  But he pretty much sets her straight at the Spring Dance. 


Subplot: Some people with a farm on the edge of town ask Dawn and Mary Anne to take care of their baby goat (a "kid" named Elvira). And they BRING THE GOAT ON THEIR SITTING JOBS!!!!! In what universe is that considered "professional?"  Huh? And, if I may, wackiness ensues.


The cover cracks my shit up!

A. Stacey looks really young, and Wes looks way older than 22.
B. The name of the dance is in single quotes.
C. Jessi's coolly appraising his ass.


List time! [Forgive me in advance for any Twin Peaks references.  I'm watching Season 2 which is FINALLY out on DVD.  I'm obsessed.  I was actually in the Twin Peaks Club in college..."She acted like she wanted to do it with me through the bars..." Hee!]

  • La, la, la. I'm Stacey, and I'm from New York. Look at how city-girl I am, what with getting distracted by flowers during my favorite class. Boring.

  • Okay, so Wes is in the master's program at Stoneybrook Community College (but later, he says he's getting his B.A.).  Um, they don't even offer bachelor's degrees at most community colleges.  And apparently, he lives in the dorms there...Um, wrong?  Community college=commuter school. I'm so confused.

  • Stacey has this whole thing about the name Wesley Ellenburg being really nerdy until she sees him.  And thinks he's Tom Cruise.  Yup.

  • Yum. "All-natural Crispy Rancho-style Veggie-Rice Nuggets with Nacho Substitute Cheese-food Flavor." Or, as PoBal calls it, Veggie Crack.  Am I the only one who doubts that Claudia could find the health food store?

  • Apparently, the whole B.C.E./C.E. (or B.C./A.D., if you prefer) is obsolete in Stoneybrook. Rather, there's BBSC (Before Baby-sitters Club). And, I'm guessing, BSC.

  • Here's what Stacey has to say about Watson: "He's a really sweet guy, very quiet, and a terrific gardener." Oh, sure, she mentions the whole millionaire thing, too, don't worry.  But he's a gardener, most of all.

  • Wow, Stacey loves the expression "Go figure." And thus, I will never be able to say that again without thinking of blondie there.

  • Nothing says "mature" like the following sentence: "Logan has been bitten by the cute bug (definition: major hunk)."

  • Blah, misunderstandings. Stacey hears Mrs. Stone talking about the baby goat, but thinks she's talking about a little kid.  LAME. And seriously played out.

  • Stacey's dad went to Wesleyan.  Interesting.

  • Seriously, read this book just for the many retarded things Stacey says in medias crush.  Definite word vomit that could easily induce actual vomit.

  • I got entirely too excited about the reappearance of Sabrina Bouvier. 

  • Oh hells yeah!
    Then I thought of something extremely important. My clothes. I had gone to class wearing an oldish pair of stretch pants and an oversized turquoise men's shirt. Not awful, but not spectacular. There was no way I'd make that mistake the next day.

    I rifled through my closet. One by one, I looked at my best outfits.

    Long red gown? Too dressy. [Ya think?] Stone-washed jeans (with a knit top)? Too casual. Paisley-print stirrup pants? Too faded.

    I started the process at 4:35. By 5:05, I found myself staring at a short, rayon challis [huh?] tank dress my mom had ordered for me. It was navy with white polka dots. The fitted top tapered down to a flared skirt, with white buttons down the front. It was feminine, yet comfortable-looking. Absolutely perfect.


  • Charlotte's romantic foil is named Diane Dumschat.  Say that out loud.  Try it. It's fun.

  • Stacey actually thinks she's in love. 

  • Dawn and Mary Anne think they know how to take care of a goat better than the goat's fucking owner.  Good to know it's not just non-goat kids that happens with. [Ugh.  That is a grammatically horrendous sentence.  Much apologies.]

  • The only thing worse than ANM's Louisville dialect?  Her Aussie one.

  • Okay, Wes's Toyota Corolla is pretty beat-ass for only being 7.  The bumper is held on with rope.  Heh, and Toyotas are Stace's favorite car. 

  • Join me in the coffee house for a poetry reading (note the capitalization of "Fortune," very arty):
    I see two stars in summer's night
    Hovering, lost, in blinding light,
    Each so dull in heaven's net,
    So each remains, as yet unmet.


    But Fortune moves in strangest ways;
    It lengthens nights, it shortens days.
    May this night end, and day begin
    And bring two young people back again.


  • Oh, yeah! Dance clothes!

    • Stacey: "It was a calf-length silk/cotton dress with pastel floral print, a scoop neck, and a shirred skirt that was slit to above the knee on one side." Huh?  Sounds...kinda ugly, actually.

    • "Jessi looked sensational, in an indigo blue unitard with a matching open-mesh oversized cardigan." The fuck?  And the fug?  This even offends my joke-obsession with unitards.  And a hole-y cardigan?  Is that what open-mesh is???? It hurts even thinking about this outfit. Seriously!

    • What 22-year-old wears a tux to a middle school dance????? Wes.


  • Okay, now.  They feed a baby goat Doritos, Twinkies, Snickers, Milk Duds, a Chunky bar and Reese's peanut butter cups.  It's just wrong.

  • Ah, Charlotte's got the philosophy about boys early on: "They're just dumb. It's stupid to even think about them." Right on.

  • Blah, Stacey's heartbroken.


Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to watch HAWT Agent Cooper leaning over dying Leland, with the wet hair flopping in his face.  Sigh.

43 comments:

lilysela said...

He's smart. He's handsome. He's 22. He's spiking the punch!

bec said...

haha. Yeag, Rohypnol is SO sexy.

Anyway, i'm Australian - and i used to get a big kick out of the 'Aussie' bits. I felt included!

Ok, so i was(am) a dork.

comicstar said...

Nacho Substitute Cheese-food Flavor never sounded healthy to me...

Lisa said...

God! I'm Australian and I haaaated the Aussie bits in BSC. It was cringe-worthy when I was actually loving the books.
Plus, the family's surname is Hobart, no? Get an imagination, ANM!

I loved the way you noticed Jessi checking out Wes' ass though ;-)

bec (a different one!) said...

I'm Aussie too and hated the Aussie bits! Her pronounciation made me say it out loud and think as an eight year old 'I do NOT speak like that!' And the bit in the 'Secret of Susan' or whatever that was called, with soccer/football? Yeah that totally confused me! But I did like the jumper reference :)

Re the cover: Stacey is supposed to be pretty tall - Wes looks about the height of a one story building.

bel said...

Oh my gooooosh. I'm Australian too and I HATEHATEHATE it when the Hobarts show up. The number of times Mallory obsesses about how Ben says "Hoi, Mel-ry." Okay, I can't judge what our "hi" sounds like to Americans, BUT I PRONOUNCE MALLORY WITH THREE SYLLABLES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Ohhh and there's one book where Ben calls Mallory a bonzer sheila. *dies and is dead*

coquelicot said...

On the cover, Wes looks like he's emerged straight from some old movie or something. My dad wore a tux like that in his 1968 wedding. You're right, Tiff, he looks WAY older than 22. My 30-year-old husband looks younger than him!

ajane said...

Bel - OMG with "bonzer sheila"! I don't know anyone who uses the words "bonzer" or "sheila" in a serious sense anymore. The Hobarts were cool enough to apparently wear Swatch watches and have ripped jeans - why the hell are they talking like yobbos?


Also - hands up if you think Wes is Scott The Lifeguard (from #8) in a tux??

*throws boths hands in the air*

bel said...

Oh, I know! I've had some conversations about saying "bonzer" just to be silly, but it's never said seriously. When I first read that as a kid I actually had to go and ask my dad what it meant. The book was all "It's Australian for cool!" and i'm thinking "but Australian for cool is 'cool'!"

And when Mallory would call Ben's house and Mrs Hobart would answer and Mallory would say "It's Mallory Pike" mrs H would respond with "Well, hello love!" Can you just year the exaggerated accent?

OOH OOH LISA! An extension of the Hobart-is-their-last-nmae thing, there's a girl in Karen's class called Adelaide Sidney. AMM must have had a thing with Australian capital cities, and covered her tracks by deliberately misspeling Sydney. At least Addie Sidney wasn't Australian, but still. Ouch.

Anonymous said...

now i need to go to outback steakhouse!

Clare said...

Yes! This is my favorite BSC book ever, mostly because, like Stacey, I had a bad habit of crushing on my teachers/professors. I can't tell you how many times I've referenced Wesley Ellenburg in conversation...my friend Kate and I knew we were getting old when hit 23 and realized that meant we were officially older than Stacey's "older man" (yet we were no less obsessed with the BSC...huh).

Kat said...

I had an Australian pen pal. When she sent me her family picture and said that the ones in the "red jumpers" where her brothers. I was so proud that I knew what she meant. That was one time the BSC actually saved me a lot of confusion.

Juliet said...

Everytime someone says "Go Figure" I think of the BSC to this day!!

Also, didn't Stacey totally get the idea for her poem from "two star cross'd lovers" from Romeo & Juliet??? Or am I thinking of something else??

Anonymous said...

I love Diane Dumschat!

Anonymous said...

YES! The poem used to say "bring two young lovers" but she thought it was too...um, something...so she stuck "people" in there instead, right?

RIGHT?
hahahahahaha
I LOVE!

colleenn said...

ha. I remember this book. Stacey's poem really annoyed me... I think she does make a point of saying that it used to say "lovers" but she changed it to "people" ...either that or she added "young" to emphasize the fact that Wes is also young. Something like that.

And I really do feel bad for the fans from Australia and Louisville whose accents get totally misrepresented in these books. It's already been reviewed, but I couldn't stand the way certain things about Boston were portrayed in Dawn's Family Feud. I remember the Schafers/Spiers making a big deal about not being able to pronounce Faneuil Hall when I never thought it was that hard, and they get all pissy when a tour guide pronounces it "Fan-YOU-il" for them and then Dawn refers to it as Fan-YOU-il in her narration. And I would get so mad because the accent is on "fan" not "you." And that was just in one book, not a recurring thing, so I can imagine how angry I would've gotten if I were from Australia or Louisville (or California, or New York, etc).

veronica said...

"Logan has been bitten by the cute bug (definition: major hunk)."


That is painful to read. And to think, someone actually wrote that sentence...

Margie said...

I don't think the California stereotypes are as bad as the other ones, but it has bugged me that ALL of Dawn's friends seem to be blonde and vegan as well... I have like, one friend who's vegan, and I'm the only blonde in most groups, and dammit, I've lived in California my whole life. Of course, I'm not from Palo City. Palo City girls are all just like Dawn, and have names like Sunshine, Daffodil, and Clover.

K said...

Pretty sure Stacey's Dad went to some school in NYC according to one of the other books. I always remembered the mention of Wesleyen when, in the other book, Stacey, Dad, and his gf (?) were driving around NYC and he pointed out 'his school' or something. Love those inconsitencies!

beanie said...

I am in love with this blog.

I work at the library, =I spent my shift today (I was supposed to be "shelf reading") with a BSC book in the gardening section where no one ever goes...

K said...

Also, I actually love the Elvira/kid misunderstanding. I am a sucker for lameness like that. Which explains why I can be found watching Still Standing for hours every day.

Anonymous said...

Why does Dawn have the same baby nickname as her other best friends real name, Sunshine? And who calls their kids SUNSHINE DAYDREAM?

Lauren said...

I could never get over the fact that THIRTEEN year olds didn't know that the Southern Hemisphere had different seasons! STUPID!

notebookinhand said...

Oh yes!! I just found a bunch of my old BSC books! :D Ah the hilarity that ensues!

Anonymous said...

I'm French, and I think that it's really tight that AMM exaggerates Madam Noelle's accent. She makes her sound ridiculous. I'll translate, shall I?
'Mademoiselle Romsey' would be
'Mademoiselle Ramse (accent on the e)
Also, sometimes ehd oes have an accent, and sometimes AMM just forgets. THE INCONSISTENCY!

Anonymous said...

j'aime beucoup le club des babysitter, mais je n'aime pas quand Madam Noelle dis des choses dans un accent francais, parce- que Ann Martin le fait si stupide- c'est 'humialiating', comme les anglais dis.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone read 'the all new mallory pike'? What's it about?

Anonymous said...

In 'The Babysitter's Remember', Krsity apparently sits for the first time when she was TEN and David Michael was in PRE SCHOOL?!! How irresponsible to leave your child another child? Yeah, yeah, I know Elizabeth was stressed and there wasn't another readily available alternative but couldn't she have gotton MIMI to sit? Because Mimi WAS free; she came over several times when Kristy was BSing. And you don't put your pre schooler at risk just to give your 10 year old experience.

Anonymous said...

Okay, let me get this straight.
So, Stacey's 13.
And she's not allowed to drink coffee?????!!!!!
Okay, she's allowed to babysit until 10 o'clock at night in NEW YORK CITY- but she's not allowed to drink coffee.

Okaaaay.
Just sayin'.

Alison said...

The All-New Mallory Pike is about Mallory leaving for boarding school. She gets there, makes a few friends, and loves the school, but hates her roommate (who seems to be a bit mentally unstable, more so than just a 'bad roommmate'). It's the last we really hear from Mal, which is fine by me!

Anonymous said...

Kids drink coffee alot earlier now than the used to I think. I see little kids (like 7 or 8) telling their parents "I need my Starbucks" when I'm out in the morning. I'm just hoping (for the parents sake) that they're getting hot chocolate or steamers or something.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE WRITE MORE! This is so damn funny!

Lisa said...

Oh, I'm back! I just realised Wes and I drive the same car.
I am now awaiting 13-year-old boys (or girls, whatever) to crack onto me.

Mahnaz said...

I felt the same way about Mallory's scary roommate, Alison...she was creepy. Destroying her stuff...acting really passive agressive...I don't think that AMM knows the difference between having a bad roommate and living with a borderling personality case.

At the end, Mallory decides to room with another girl, who considers Mallory a "cool roommate." Dream on, Mal...

rachel said...

tiff, i saw in a comment of yours on a previous entry that you're looking for a copy of super special 9: starring the baby-sitters club! i got a copy a few weeks ago at a thrift store, and i've read it twice since, so i wouldn't mind at all sending it to you. leave a comment on my livejournal (my name links to it) if you're interested!

Anita said...

I about had a shit fit when I saw that you had profiled this book. I got this book originally when I was 9-ish (the edition I got was skinnier than the usual BSC book, it came with some sort of Scholastic summer reading kit). I didn't think much of the book when I was 9, but when I was 12 I got a HUGE crush on my Social Studies teacher and back came out the book. I highlighted in green EVERY part of the book that reminded me of my crush.

I devoted an entry in my blog to this blog entry and the book.

megan said...

To the person who asked who would name their kid Sunshine Daydream.....its probably the same people who named their kid Sundance Head! (American Idol guy)

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I have seen a community college with dorms.

Anonymous said...

Wes actually reminds me of Johnn Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
And why is it that Stacey always looks younger when she is with the "older" boys she crushes?

Kristin said...

Once, I was reading a magazine like 16 or Teen Beat or something. And in it, they had that section where people sent in poems and artwork for/about their favorite stars. (lots of drawings of Leo DiCaprio). Anyway, someone sent in a poem ... AND IT WAS STACEY'S POEM TO WES! I still remember reading it and being like, she stole that from the BSC! I don't know who is lamer in that situation 1. That girl, for sending in a ripped off poem to Teen Beat or Big Bopper 2. Me, for immediately recognizing it or 3. The magazine for running it.

Dinah said...

Season two of Twin Peaks is on DVD? How did I not know this??

jolfolfille said...

In the vain hope that you'll find this hilarious instead of just pathetic, I actually copied that poem out and gave it to the (older!!) boy I liked at the time.

::dies of embarrassment::

Yay, years late comments!!! :D

Anonymous said...

Why is this not exactly the same book as the one where she's in LUV with the older lifeguard? Did someone happen to hear "Don't Stand So Close to Me" on the radio and crap this gem out?