Sunday, June 17, 2007

It was bye-bye, Stoneybrook, and hello, heartbreak; or, BSC Super Special #14: BSC in the USA

Wowza. This little present is chock full of insanity. And dramarama. (Unfortunately, not the band.) You want natural disasters? Check. Heavy emotional shit? Check. Unfunny uncle-type humor? Check. "Romance?" Check. Slavery? Check. Horses? Check [rolling my eyes]. Enough of this tease...The cover!

It's fugly. It's shiny silvery with holographic-like stars all over it. Yups. Also, all the girls have really similar features. See?

Aw...Abby=13-year-old PoBal minus the glasses!! Check that hair! Also, why is Mal wearing a fucking horse shirt? Isn't she always begging to be treated more adult? Well then, sweetheart, you might wanna lose the animal clothes until you're a middle-aged soccer mom, at least.

The incredibly unlikely (and mind-numbingly confusing) premise? Let me see if I have this straight...So, Dawn's dad has a friend from New York who needs his RV to be in Palo City [we interrupt this "plot" summary for a brief rant: when the fuck did Anaheim or wherever-real-city mutate into faked-out Palo City? Lame lame lame lame LAME!!!] instead of NY. Or something. So, he's cutting Dawn and Jeff's summer in Stoneybrook short so they can drive across country. Then Kristy tells Watson, and he decides that a cross-country ROAD TRIP!!!!!! would be the perfect Brewer family vacation. And, because he's a fucking moron, he offers to bring along any of Kristy's friends. [Do the other Brewer/Thomas kids ever get jealous that Kristy's friends always get to tag along? Oh, Sam and Charlie are staying home to work or something. Not terribly important.] Of course, the BSC plus all the 'rents and other childrens can't fit in one RV, so they divide up between the the two RVs. One will take the northern route, the other will take the southern. Then they'll all meet up in the PC. [Go ahead, start screaming the chorus to "California."] And there's a party. And everyone but the Schafers are flying back? Or something...

[This one's kinda hard to divide up...I'll do my best.]

So, the Schafer RV takes the northern route and carries Jack [that's Dawn's dad], Dawn, Jeff, Mary Anne, Claudia, Stacey and Kristy [don't ask]. They hit up Cleveland (an Indians game and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame), Chicago (Art Institute and Wrigley Field), Shaumberg, IL (a mall), Bloomington, MN (the Mall of America), South Dakota (the Badlands, Wall, Mammoth Site), Yellowstone & Grand Tetons Parks, "Buzzard Gulch--Idaho's Turn-of-the-Century Haunted Village, Lovingly Re-Created for Today's Visitor," Seattle (drama and a Mariners game) and San Francisco (drama at a Giants game & general touristy goodness). As for the group drama? They run out of gas in the Badlands and Mr. Schafer leaves them for hours while he goes to get gas.

The individual drama?

Kristy wants to see as many ballparks as possible. And she sees her dad on the Jumbotron! And she goes to find him. And cries in public.

Mary Anne meets up with her grandma from Iowa at the Mall of America ("You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America!"). Oh, and Jack Schafer gets on her last nerve with his constant pokes (ooh, dirty) at her dad, Connecticut, everything.

Jeff goes rock climbing and rappelling.

Stacey gets all pissed at Claud cause she thinks she's reading her diary. [This story line is stupid and makes no sense.] And she's meeting this guy in Seattle with whom she's been exchanging letters. And they have a hard time meeting up, all slapsticky-like. But they finally get together and, well, get together. Sloppy makeouts, if ya dig...

Claudia finds a real Georgia O'Keefe sketch in an antique store.

Dawn I almost completely forgot about her...She wants to see a ghost town. And she's disappointed at first, but has a good time anyway. Or something. All I remember is that she annoyed the piss out of me.

In the Brewer/Thomas RV we have Watson and Elizabeth, Karen, Andrew, David Michael, Abby, Jessi and Mal. On their southerly route, they cruise Oakley, NJ (and have a down-home time with the extended Ramsey clan), Chincoteague & Assateague (which the Wik tells me is in (well, off the coast of) Virginia...and those stupid horse books are set there. (Apologies if you actually like them. I've never read them, but my only associations with them come from these little bitches.)),  Graceland, Dalton, MS (home of the Dalton Plantation Museum, and the former plantation where Jessi's kin were, well, slaves.), Lester, OK (Watson's college buddy lives there), Ten Gallon, TX (for a rodeo), Zuni, NM (where they visit the school they helped rebuild after a fire, 'member?), Four Corners, the Grand Canyon and the San Diego Zoo [I now have the 6ths song "San Diego Zoo" stuck in my head. "How could I have ever left you?"]. The group drama? Rodeos make them all uncomfortable. Oh, and they get stuck in a tornado in Lester! Hiding out in the bathroom=FUN! They also keep running into an old couple traveling with their annoying granddaughter.

Broken down:

Karen needs to shut the fuck up. She is a manipulative little skank. And she wants to stand on the Four Corners and wave at Stoneybrook.

David Michael apparently doesn't realize that rodeos involve potentially hurting cows. So, he skeeves, and chickens out.

Abby accidentally (?) convinces the kids that Elvis is still alive. Oh, and she has all this heavy shit about her dead dad at the Grand Canyon, cause it was his favorite place, and they had to cancel their vacation to said canyon when he died.

Mal gets all weepy over horses. And is all nerves at the Ramseys' house.

Jessi briefly suspects that Mal is racist, and she visits her ancestral plantation and is horrified by how horrible slavery must have been.

Whew. Bullets, anyone? (No, not meant for your head! Bad reader!)

  • Dawn has to bitch about how RVs are ecologically unsound. On the 3rd fucking page. And I'm already yelling, "Shut the fuck up!!!!"

  • Apparently, the BSC will be slow enough for all seven of them to take off for two weeks.

  • Dawn, quit ragging on Richard. So he's cautious! Give him a break. Also, I have a soft spot for men with that name, so step the fuck off.

  • Coffee makes Dawn puke for months. Or something.

  • Oh, yeah. I always forget that Dawn's maternal grandparents live in Stoneybrook. BECAUSE THEY'RE NEVER MENTIONED!!!

  • Being in love in high school is a deep, dark secret. Okaaaaay.

  • Did Dawn really help set up the We [heart] Kids Club? I thought she was in the 'Brook when it started. And they conduct meetings by a pool with a cell phone. Yeah. And are obsessed with health food. Yeah.

  • In this book, Watson is a consultant that works from home. Is that always the case? I can't keep all this shit straight.

  • Since this book was written in '97 (the year I graduated from high school), Claud's "outfits are put together from funky stuff she buys in thrift shops."

  • "One of her favorite clothing colors is black. According to her, it sets off her blonde hair. Besides, she was born and raised in New York City, and she says native New Yorkers wear black all year long." Wow, I must be a native New Yorker. Who knew?

  • Ooh, foreshadowing. Kristy's all jealous that Stacey's dad keeps in touch.

  • Kristy describes Abby as wild. Funny, I just think she's annoying.

  • How can Logan get working papers at 13? Or is he getting paid under the table? Or is his "busboy" job just a cover for running errands for a mob boss...

  • Again, what 11-year-old wants to visit the plantation where her family were slaves?!?!?!?!? On vacation, at that. And doesn't expect it to be difficult or disturbing?

  • Oh. You know ANM's retarded "allergy dialect" that Logan's brother has? It's even fucking worse for Abby. Damn, it sucks.

  • I get it, Jessi's a dancer, so she makes lameass references to ballet in non-dance contexts. As in, "It feels as if my Big Mac and fries are doing a pas de deux up and down the walls of my stomach." LAME!

  • "Okra. Fried chicken. Biscuits with lots of butter. How many times had I smelled those things as I walked up Grandma's front stoop?" Just in case you didn't realize that Jessi's entire family was black...soul food.

  • Okay, Cleveland isn't really in the flat part of Ohio. Just sayin'.

  • Stacey thinks basketball players look great in those shorts. Weren't they already really long and loose in '97? At least at the college & pro level? RNL, my basketball expert?

  • What are "cheekbones for days?" Cause Stacey's distance-boy has them.


  • Boring stuff about horses and wild ponies and shit. Oh, and the wild horses on Assateague (That makes me giggle. I'm so mature.) make Mal cry.

  • Claud's disappointed the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame doesn't have anything about U4Me or Blaid.

  • Aw, they didn't stop at the "Pitsberg stadium." Back then it would've been Three Rivers. One of my former roommates got to watch them implode the stadium from a press boat.

  • Yes, Abby. Young Elvis was hot.

  • Why doesn't anyone cut Karen off? Like, sit her down and tell her the truth that there are Elvis impersonators.

  • Of all the restaurants in Chicago, they ate at the original Pizzeria Uno. And went shopping in Shaumberg.

  • They all look really fucking crazy in all the illustrations.

  • Damn! Grandma takes a dig at Jack Schafer.

  • I can't even touch all the slavery stuff. So very faux-deep. And manipulative. And out of place.

  • Electricity on a plantation? Seems kind of...suspect. I'm sure someone did their research, but it just doesn't sound right.

  • Dawn knows some areas of L.A. that could be called the Badlands. Ha. Ha. Who's a comedienne now? And a dumb bitch?

  • Jeff thinks "Girls are boring," but I think "crestfallen boys are boring."

  • What kind of fuckhead doesn't get gas before heading into the Badlands?

  • In general, Abby needs to shut the fuck up. She's like the annoying class clown that isn't getting any laughs, so she turns up the annoying. To 11.

  • Watson went to Baylor. Is that ever mentioned elsewhere?

  • Mal thought Jessi's experience at Dalton would make "a dramatic children's book." Dramatic? Okay...

  • I fucking hate tornadoes.

  • Dude, I need to buy a velvet painting of horses. And give it to someone as a gift, just to torture them.

  • "What a way to go. In a twister. After all those generations. Surviving the plantation. Moving North..." That's what's going through Jessi's head during the tornado. Yeah.

  • Oh, shit! The bear! The Schafer crew run into a bear while picnicking in Yellowstone! Bears are funny.

  • Dawn's all pissed and disappointed and embarrassed by the cheesiness of the ghost town and throws herself a self-pity party. And, say it with me now, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

  • Speaking of shutting up...Karen.

  • She knows that getting all teary and pouty will get her way. HATE!! She's a CBS sitcom wife-in-training.

  • In Seattle, Mr. Schafer wants to shake Bill Gates's hand. That doesn't seem to fit with his easy-going, cool-dad persona.

  • Haha, it's Seattle, so there are 50 million coffee places! And dumb bitch Stacey can't find the name of the place she's meetin' the boy! Hijinks!!! Wackiness!!! Ensuing!!!!

  • In Stacey's fantasy, her boy has inner torment. That she cures with a "flash of blonde hair." I wonder if my hair can do that, too...

  • Another fight, ended instantly with no real problem solving. Hoorah.

  • Also, not gonna touch the heavy shit with Abby's grief.

  • In the illustration, sad Abby is wearing socks with sandals.

  • The gayest mustache in San Francisco is in the illustration of the Giants game. And Mary Anne's eyes are wigging me out. For reals. See?

  • The only outfit in the book? "Claudia was examining Maggie's hair, which was light green; and her outfit, tight black leather and Spandex; and her pale, pale makeup." What's this punka doing hanging out with these hippie bitches anyway?

  • Oh, and Jessi thinks she might be related to the grad student she met at the plantation. Cause it's likely.

Also, a picture of romance, awkward, kinda painful-looking romance...


Okay, y'all. I had an ulterior motive for doing a super special this week. I wanted to give you guys something big and exciting before dropping the bomb: I, too, am taking my summer vacation! I will be taking a few weeks off from the ole blog while I'm jaunting about. I should be back on July 9th. Not sure what book it'll be yet.

Also, for my LibraryLand readers, I will be attending the ALA Annual Conference in DC, so...If you're there, and you think you spot me, feel free to say hi. Of course, you may wind up inadvertently introducing yourself to random Tiff(any)s in the process. Which could be amusing. For me, at least. (I'm evil.)

Monday, June 11, 2007

I couldn't believe my ears; or, BSC #57: Dawn Saves the Planet

Holy fucking shit! Shut the fuck up, Dawn! You must die!

Whew. Had to get that out. Because this book sucked giant monkey balls. Seriously.

Even the cover sucks.

1: From the neck down, Dawn is a man. I think my dad has those jeans.
2: Is that poster supposed to be informative? Cause it's not.
3: What do you think the kids are whispering? Are they distracted by the slight bulge in Dawn's pants? Cause I am.

Ze plot! Dawn is obnoxious. Yep. See, there's this project for science about ecology, and she and Stacey teach a class for the Stoneybrook kiddies about saving the planet. And everyone turns into eco-nazis. And they have a "Green Fair." And Dawn decides SMS needs a recycling program AND it needs to be a recycling center for the whole town. And Dawn decides to singlehandedly police the fucking world, yelling at anyone who does anything that might be even mildly bad for the environment. And then everybody hates her (Wheeeeeee!), and they don't vote for her to chair the recycling program. And she's all bitter and hurt and sucky. Oh, and the BSC finally jump in and tell the bitch that she's being a bitch, and if she doesn't watch her step, she'll get shived. Oh, wait. That was my fantasy, that whole shiving thing. And Dawn realizes the error of her ways or something. And she gets invited to co-chair the recycling program, which means she'll have to work hard and give up some Saturdays or whatever. Blah, happy ending.

So. Fucking. Painful.

  • PoBal wants me to drop a blow job joke about Dawn's statement on the first page: "The sight of a hot dog makes me want to gag!" Instead, I'll leave it up to you, faithful readers, to come up with as many BJ jokes as you can in honor of her upcoming 28th birthday.

  • Not much on the outfit tip in this bitch. However, "Mary Anne is sort of preppie when it comes to clothes. She wears pleated wool skirts and neat white blouses, stuff like that..." So, when Mary Anne wears it, it's preppy, but when Janine does, she's some sort of brainiac freak?

  • Wow, nobody really talks about acid rain much anymore.

  • Do you think Al Gore referred to this book at all during the planning stages of An Inconvenient Truth? Cause I think it might be his Bible.

  • Apparently, Claudia "dresses in ultra bright colors that look great with her jet black hair."

  • Here we go: "Of all of us, I'd say Stacey is the coolest dresser. Today she was wearing floral leggings, a pink shirt with big sleeves [huh?], and a long vest covered in antique pins. A black fedora with a red cloth rose was perched on top of her shoulder length hair." Niiiiice.

  • Did you know that children with uncombed hair are wild? Or that having uncombed hair is indicative of a messy home life? Is that my excuse? Or am I just too lazy to comb my hair?

  • The thing about cutting the plastic rings that keep a six-pack together? Yeah, I still do that. Prolly cause of this book. And my fear that Dawn would hunt me down and bitch me out.

  • I don't ever say I "dialed" a person. I dial a number. And, granted, these days I use speed dial or the phone book in my cell, but still.

  • Why would you want to put on a "Green Fair?" And aren't big cardboard booths bad for the environment?? And isn't walking on the dirt bad for the planet? Mr. Show told me it is.

  • Is glitter ink environmentally sound, Dawn?

  • Heh. Green fairies. Someone's been drinking the absinthe!


  • Don't they vaccinate for the measles?

  • Jessi's going to be taking some classes with some famous NYC dancer who has nothing better to do than teach a bunch of kids in Connecticut. And it's never mentioned again.

  • I would like to see the world where all of the tossed off plots and events wind up. Like, The Island of Misfit Plot Devices.

  • Pike kids=Green Meanies. Because they're eco-fascists.

  • They set up Green School to teach the infidels.

  • Vanessa writes to the Queen of England. Who had nothing better to do in the early 90s. And who really exerts huge quantities of influence over public policy in the U.K. Oh, wait.

  • Nicky writes to the prez.

  • And where is a Pike kid getting the bucks to send mail to England and Japan?

  • Dawn, haven't you learned to back the fuck off when M.A. is getting pissy? She'll call your fat ass on all kinds of shit.

  • Yes, Dawn. Haranguing is an effective way to bring people around to your way of thinking. (Now I have "Sister Havana" stuck in my head again.)

  • Oh my lord, Woody Jefferson and Trevor Sandbourne totally faced the cafeteria lady when they brought brie, paté and a bottle of sparkling cider for lunch today! It was so, so funny! Can you believe it? [Now we return to our regularly scheduled snark.]

  • Yes, Dawn is a fucking bossy bitch.

  • And she shames the children. Intentionally. Even I don't do that.

  • Dawn is horrified (and a little in denial) that people are calling her obnoxious. Yes, I'm actually agreeing with Cokie and Grace.

  • And she's all sulky and refuses to help out with the recycling program cause she lost. Lame.

  • Stupid fucking toilet monster. Not ever funny. Quit bringing it up.

  • Bugs gross Kristy out to the point where she can't eat. Weak. Isn't she supposed to be all butch?

  • I can't even bring myself to catalog all the Dawn lameness. So, so lame.

  • Gotta love when giant, stewing problems that have been building up for weeks blow over in a few minutes. Ah, reality.

  • Nitpicky Tiff time: it takes "Stacey the Math Whiz" to tally up the money made from selling ten bird houses. And the grand total is $20. So, each one cost $2? Does that make me a math whiz, too?

  • They donate the proceeds from the Green Fair to the SMS recycling program! Woo! Hooray! Exciting! Amazing!

  • A thirty page paper? Maybe grad school jaded me, but two people writing that and including charts and lists, etc. isn't terribly impressive. But then, I wrote two 30 page papers and moved in the course of 4 days once. Who wants to touch me? I said, who wants to fucking touch me?

  • Blah. Dawn learns a lesson of togetherness. How fucking sweet.

  • And the recycling program was never heard from again.

Wow. That blew. Big time. Never want to see this fucking book again. Inspires violence. Required a long conversation with my favorite distraction to get me through it yesterday.


Next week, BSC in the USA. Tune in for tornadoes, ancestral plantations, unwise parenting and RVs. And those stupid fucking horses of Chincoteague. Or whatever.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

I'm monochromatic, with brown hair and brown eyes; or BSC #66: Maid Mary Anne

Look. Mary Anne. The quote is:

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. -Leo Tolstoy

Or something like that. The point of the quote is the unhappy families. And it refers to the crazy diverse ways that families can be fucked up. But happy families, in general, work, and it's all pretty much happy-happy-tra-la-la. But there are buttloads of ways things can go wrong. It does not imply that because your fam is happy, you are all exactly the same as every other happy fam on earth. You missed the entire point. Dumbass. Get thee to freshman Lit!

Sorry, had to get that off my chest.

This cover confuses me.

Is Mary Anne going to for the sexy pirate look? The housewife-in-porn look? The tons of makeup for housecleaning look? And is one of the Arnold twins stealing Claud's fashion sense? Does Mrs. Towne ask her to wear the short cutoffs? Cause that's sexual harassment.

Also, I used to have slouch socks that rivaled the slouch on her slouch socks. So there.

Plot-tasticness: Kinda convoluted, actually. So, Mary Anne meets Mrs. Towne, who's a crazy good seamstress/needlecrafter. And MA asks for lessons. But early on, Mrs. Towne has an accident and breaks her ankle or whatever. So, MA offers to help out around the house, and Mrs. Towne suggests they swap lessons for chores. Oh, and there's this whole thing about MA feeling selfish, and wanting to be more considerate of others or something. But Mrs. Towne's taking up all of MA's time, and she's neglecting her family, the BSC, even Loverboy Logan. Oh, and she decides to start a sewing/quilting class for some of the BSC kids: Vanessa & Nicky Pike, Becca, Charlotte, Haley Braddock and Buddy Barrett. And they're making a quilt as a get well present for Mrs. Towne. The subplot? Some kid's ripping on Nicky and Buddy for being girly or something. So, Nicky's on this big 'roid-rage-style-Manly Man trip, avoiding anything "for girls." In fact, I think he may have even visited a steel mill to butch up. No, wait, that was on the Simpsons.

Bullets. Not the shooting kind.

  • Okay, Richard Spier alphabetizes the contents of the bathroom cabinet. Really? By type or brand? Like Gillette Mach 64 (or whatever Mach they're at) or razor? I'm a little fixated on this idea for some reason. Maybe I'm becoming OCD by proxy.

  • Mary Anne, you're not self-centered. You're a pushover. Pushovers tend not to think of themselves first. Otherwise they wouldn't let themselves be, well, pushed over.

  • "Marilyn is not at all scientific. She's interested in music--in fact, she's taken piano lessons since she was four--and she's very strict about practicing the piano at least half an hour every day. Meanwhile, Carolyn is tone-deaf." Um, science and music are not musically exclusive. In fact, I know a few scientist-types who play instruments.

  • Um, PoBal and I had to look up "smocking" in Wikipedia, despite our respective crafty tendencies.

  • I don't remember MA fucking up in Home Ec. Anyone?

  • I hate the whole "they groan everytime they pay dues." One: boring. Two: lame. Three: Seriously, I doubt that every week, even kidding, for like two years, they groan to give up that single dollah-bill y'all. Even these bitches would get sick of that joke pretty damn quick. Four: I hate hearing the same joke over and over again. Seriously. Fucking. Hate.

  • Blah. MA & Kristy are best friends, but they're opposites.

  • "All that healthy eating means she stays in shape, too." Yeah, Stacey stays "in shape." Not, friggin' heroin-chic skin-n-bones.

  • This is another book with no outfits. Sorry.

  • Logan is: special, major cute (even cuter than Cam Geary), has a great Southern accent, and "a way of really listening to you when you talk to him." Or when he's trying to get in your cutoffs. Oh, and he can be bossy. When he's not successful at getting into your cutoffs.

  • Dawn's homesick, so she's listening to the Beach Boys. Please say it's some of the stuff Brian Wilson wrote when he was off his rocker.

  • Mrs. Towne isn't some dowdy old lady type.  Nope, she has "very short white hair that looked almost punk." Wild.

  • MA thinks that her idea for teaching kids' sewing classes "might possibly be one of those truly great, Kristy-caliber ideas." Yup.

  • Vidding out. A surprisingly good way of describing couching it while watching tons of movies. But I wouldn't be watching horse movies.

  • They keep saying things are "decent." Meaning cool or awesome.

  • Two boys taking the sewing class. Equal opportunity horrors.

  • I have to include Claud's entry in the BSC notebook:
    Ok. I'm totally psiched syked siked getting into this sowing stuff. Mary Anne, why didn't you tell me about quiltting and all that stuff before? I can see it has real potenshul for my art. I had allmost as much fun at Mary Anne's first sowing class as the kids did...

  • Can I take a sowing class? I need to learn how to properly spread seeds.

  • Wow, these kids learned embroidery fast. I still have trouble with a French knot.

  • MA is wicked fast at doing the dishes. I'll hire her for more than she's making sitting.

  • Is Passion a real perfume?

  • Stacey, it's not super-sitter-sense. It's friggin' obvious. Doors slamming, "nothing's wrong." Anybody with half a brain cell knows that there's something off.

  • "Stacey felt a faint surge of anger. Where did kids learn to be so mean? And so sexist!" They're kids. Of course they're mean and judgmental and they live according to rigid gender roles. Duh.

  • "Part of me (the lazy, inconsiderate part, no doubt) wished I were still lying in that hammock." Damn, hate to know how inconsiderate and lazy she'd think I am.

  • They drink Orangina in the Spier-Schafer household.

  • Pimento cheese? Cheese, mayo & pimentos mixed together? Um, ew. Is that really a popular southern/Kentucky food? RNL? Anyone?

  • Logan tries to scam some sloppy kisses in this book.

  • A shoutout to Louise Fitzhugh? Sure, why not?

  • Another for the bad pun file: "It's a maze," explained Claire. "Amazing," said Jessi. HATE!!!!

  • Ah, the Pike siblings constantly undermine Nicky's attempts at masculinity. Super sweet.

  • This book is full of misused quotes. "Suppose they had a war and nobody came." Totally inappropriate in this context. Dumbasses!!!!!!

  • Kristy calls Nicky a "male chauvinist piglet." Yup.

  • Claud wants to make a junk food quilt. You know, like her art show that one time?

  • Ah, but the boys come back. They always do.

  • This book is wicked full of foreshadowing for Dawn's return to Cali.

  • Lame-ass ending. "'It'll be okay,' I said. 'Whatever happens, it'll be okay.' And I knew it would." If that were true, it would still be a lame ending. But knowing that it won't be okay, and they're trying to be all smooth or whatevs, SUPER LAME!!!!

Now that's done, I have another rant. Why do these girls turn everything into a project? Can't they just like needlecrafts or sports or the environment or art or whatever the hell Stacey likes without teaching a class or starting a team or opening a community college? I like tons of shit, but I'm not teaching starving orphans how to snark or how to talk to my best friend on the phone or how to wear ridiculous boots with skirts or how to fake flirt on work time. Just sayin'.

A little bonus gift this week:

That's right...I scanned this just for you. Hee! Prodigy!