All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. -Leo Tolstoy
Or something like that. The point of the quote is the unhappy families. And it refers to the crazy diverse ways that families can be fucked up. But happy families, in general, work, and it's all pretty much happy-happy-tra-la-la. But there are buttloads of ways things can go wrong. It does not imply that because your fam is happy, you are all exactly the same as every other happy fam on earth. You missed the entire point. Dumbass. Get thee to freshman Lit!
Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
This cover confuses me.
Is Mary Anne going to for the sexy pirate look? The housewife-in-porn look? The tons of makeup for housecleaning look? And is one of the Arnold twins stealing Claud's fashion sense? Does Mrs. Towne ask her to wear the short cutoffs? Cause that's sexual harassment.
Also, I used to have slouch socks that rivaled the slouch on her slouch socks. So there.
Plot-tasticness: Kinda convoluted, actually. So, Mary Anne meets Mrs. Towne, who's a crazy good seamstress/needlecrafter. And MA asks for lessons. But early on, Mrs. Towne has an accident and breaks her ankle or whatever. So, MA offers to help out around the house, and Mrs. Towne suggests they swap lessons for chores. Oh, and there's this whole thing about MA feeling selfish, and wanting to be more considerate of others or something. But Mrs. Towne's taking up all of MA's time, and she's neglecting her family, the BSC, even Loverboy Logan. Oh, and she decides to start a sewing/quilting class for some of the BSC kids: Vanessa & Nicky Pike, Becca, Charlotte, Haley Braddock and Buddy Barrett. And they're making a quilt as a get well present for Mrs. Towne. The subplot? Some kid's ripping on Nicky and Buddy for being girly or something. So, Nicky's on this big 'roid-rage-style-Manly Man trip, avoiding anything "for girls." In fact, I think he may have even visited a steel mill to butch up. No, wait, that was on the Simpsons.
Bullets. Not the shooting kind.
- Okay, Richard Spier alphabetizes the contents of the bathroom cabinet. Really? By type or brand? Like Gillette Mach 64 (or whatever Mach they're at) or razor? I'm a little fixated on this idea for some reason. Maybe I'm becoming OCD by proxy.
- Mary Anne, you're not self-centered. You're a pushover. Pushovers tend not to think of themselves first. Otherwise they wouldn't let themselves be, well, pushed over.
- "Marilyn is not at all scientific. She's interested in music--in fact, she's taken piano lessons since she was four--and she's very strict about practicing the piano at least half an hour every day. Meanwhile, Carolyn is tone-deaf." Um, science and music are not musically exclusive. In fact, I know a few scientist-types who play instruments.
- Um, PoBal and I had to look up "smocking" in Wikipedia, despite our respective crafty tendencies.
- I don't remember MA fucking up in Home Ec. Anyone?
- I hate the whole "they groan everytime they pay dues." One: boring. Two: lame. Three: Seriously, I doubt that every week, even kidding, for like two years, they groan to give up that single dollah-bill y'all. Even these bitches would get sick of that joke pretty damn quick. Four: I hate hearing the same joke over and over again. Seriously. Fucking. Hate.
- Blah. MA & Kristy are best friends, but they're opposites.
- "All that healthy eating means she stays in shape, too." Yeah, Stacey stays "in shape." Not, friggin' heroin-chic skin-n-bones.
- This is another book with no outfits. Sorry.
- Logan is: special, major cute (even cuter than Cam Geary), has a great Southern accent, and "a way of really listening to you when you talk to him." Or when he's trying to get in your cutoffs. Oh, and he can be bossy. When he's not successful at getting into your cutoffs.
- Dawn's homesick, so she's listening to the Beach Boys. Please say it's some of the stuff Brian Wilson wrote when he was off his rocker.
- Mrs. Towne isn't some dowdy old lady type. Nope, she has "very short white hair that looked almost punk." Wild.
- MA thinks that her idea for teaching kids' sewing classes "might possibly be one of those truly great, Kristy-caliber ideas." Yup.
- Vidding out. A surprisingly good way of describing couching it while watching tons of movies. But I wouldn't be watching horse movies.
- They keep saying things are "decent." Meaning cool or awesome.
- Two boys taking the sewing class. Equal opportunity horrors.
- I have to include Claud's entry in the BSC notebook:
Ok. I'm totally
psiched syked sikedgetting into this sowing stuff. Mary Anne, why didn't you tell me about quiltting and all that stuff before? I can see it has real potenshul for my art. I had allmost as much fun at Mary Anne's first sowing class as the kids did...
- Can I take a sowing class? I need to learn how to properly spread seeds.
- Wow, these kids learned embroidery fast. I still have trouble with a French knot.
- MA is wicked fast at doing the dishes. I'll hire her for more than she's making sitting.
- Is Passion a real perfume?
- Stacey, it's not super-sitter-sense. It's friggin' obvious. Doors slamming, "nothing's wrong." Anybody with half a brain cell knows that there's something off.
- "Stacey felt a faint surge of anger. Where did kids learn to be so mean? And so sexist!" They're kids. Of course they're mean and judgmental and they live according to rigid gender roles. Duh.
- "Part of me (the lazy, inconsiderate part, no doubt) wished I were still lying in that hammock." Damn, hate to know how inconsiderate and lazy she'd think I am.
- They drink Orangina in the Spier-Schafer household.
- Pimento cheese? Cheese, mayo & pimentos mixed together? Um, ew. Is that really a popular southern/Kentucky food? RNL? Anyone?
- Logan tries to scam some sloppy kisses in this book.
- A shoutout to Louise Fitzhugh? Sure, why not?
- Another for the bad pun file: "It's a maze," explained Claire. "Amazing," said Jessi. HATE!!!!
- Ah, the Pike siblings constantly undermine Nicky's attempts at masculinity. Super sweet.
- This book is full of misused quotes. "Suppose they had a war and nobody came." Totally inappropriate in this context. Dumbasses!!!!!!
- Kristy calls Nicky a "male chauvinist piglet." Yup.
- Claud wants to make a junk food quilt. You know, like her art show that one time?
- Ah, but the boys come back. They always do.
- This book is wicked full of foreshadowing for Dawn's return to Cali.
- Lame-ass ending. "'It'll be okay,' I said. 'Whatever happens, it'll be okay.' And I knew it would." If that were true, it would still be a lame ending. But knowing that it won't be okay, and they're trying to be all smooth or whatevs, SUPER LAME!!!!
Now that's done, I have another rant. Why do these girls turn everything into a project? Can't they just like needlecrafts or sports or the environment or art or whatever the hell Stacey likes without teaching a class or starting a team or opening a community college? I like tons of shit, but I'm not teaching starving orphans how to snark or how to talk to my best friend on the phone or how to wear ridiculous boots with skirts or how to fake flirt on work time. Just sayin'.
A little bonus gift this week:
That's right...I scanned this just for you. Hee! Prodigy!