Sunday, July 29, 2007

I hate being called "miss"; or, BSC #25: Mary Anne and the Search for Tigger

There is so very much wrong with this book. Starting with the spandex that Mary Anne's wearing on the cover:



Yeah, that's classy. I have always thought that she looks like Punky Brewster here. And I can't figure out if those kids are supposed to be Pikes or what. And check out the size of the tongues on Logan's hightops...Oh, yeah. Hawt.

Plot. Sure, I suppose it has one. Mary Anne leaves Tigger outside during a BSC meeting, and he goes missing! So, the BSC search for him and plaster the neighborhood with posters and offer a reward for a whopping $30. And M.A. gets a mysterious note from someone claiming to have Tigger. So the BSC set up a sting (of course, no adults are involved), and catch the perp, who turns out to be a greedy little kid that M.A. had talked to while she was hanging up posters. Finally, turns out that Logan's kid sister Kerry has been hiding Tigger in her room, aggravating Hunter's already terrible allergies. Oh, and Mary Anne and Logan aren't getting along too well. He's snappy and distant, and she's a doormat. What's new? Seriously, aren't they a little too new into their relationship to be having problems like this already? Huh? Oh, but they make up.

Anyhoo...

  • Time to get nitpicky...So, on the cover, Tigger's bowl says "Tigger" on it. It includes the quotes. Kinda like the "Spring Fling" sign on the cover of Stacey Loves Wes or whatever it's called. Why? Did someone take a pitch too literally? Like, 'So, for the cover art, she's holding a bowl that says "Tigger" on it...' And the cover painter didn't even think to leave the quotes off..

  • The only thing more boring than listening to people talk about mundane pet details is reading about them talking about mundane pet details.

  • Apparently, M.A. drops mad cash on toys for Tigger, cause he loses them all. "Thank goodness I earn lots of money baby-sitting." Yes. Thank goodness. I feel so much better now.

  • "They go out with other people, too, but when Dawn's mom has a date with my dad, she puts on all this makeup and checks her clothes twenty times and then asks Dawn to check her clothes again. And my dad puts on after-shave that smell like the dentist's office [the fuck????] and gets nervous and can barely speak to me. Then they go somewhere together." I don't remember any other references to Richard dating other women. And what kind of aftershave smells like the dentist's office? And why would someone as fussy as Richard put it on his face????

  • Heh. "Logan is basically my boyfriend, and he is incredible in every way. He's incredible-looking and incredibly nice and incredibly thoughtful and, well, incredibly incredible." And he's an incredible prick. Seriously, he's an ass in this book. Not nice, not thoughtful, certainly not "incredible."

  • "Claud mixes and matches the weirdest stuff and comes up with the coolest outfits. Like a loose blouse with a fake coat of arms on it worn over a very short black skirt. Around her waist, a scarf. On her feet, short black boots. Dangling from her ears, dinosaurs." In her sentence structure, awkwardness. Seriously! Also, does it matter if a coat of arms is fake? And how does she know it's fake, anyway?

  • I always forget that Jessi needs reading glasses.

  • Gotta love fake product names: Doctor Herkie's Flea Tonic. And King Kat Liver 'n' Beef.

  • Mary Anne calls Claud's room a "rat hole." Heh. It's gotta be. After all, messy craft supplies, junk food and wrappers all over the place, you know there are crumbs abso-fucking-lutely everywhere, and that doesn't even count the clothes and shit lying around.

  • OH MY FUCKING SHUT THE HELL UP! "Lummy fummy dummy fuff ooeey" is, apparently, what "looking for Double Stuf Oreos" sounds like when muffled by a bed. Sure.

  • Kristy gets bitchface when the girls get personal calls during meetings.

  • Also, none of the BSC have sat for the Bruno kids before this point? For real?

  • Richard's pretty smart. If Logan comes over when he's not home, he's not allowed in the house. So, M.A. and Loverboy spend a lot of time sitting on her stoop (or porch or yard--details are kinda lacking in this one) in this book.

  • Mary Anne has a healthy paranoia about getting caught breaking rules.

  • Mary Anne thinks about her cat more than she thinks about her boyfriend. I'm thinking spinster-in-the-making.

  • Logan won't even talk about sports, but M.A. can't pick up on the fact that something might be off...Cause she's sensitive. Or something.

  • Hee!!! At one point while M.A. and Logan are sitting outside, a bunch of neighborhood kids come over to play with the kitten, and Logan says "Overrun with kids!!!!" Yes!!!! Vaguely normal 13-year-old boy (or girl, for that matter) behavior!!!!!

  • Oh, I remember M.A.'s little lecture about whether or not milk is good for cats.

  • I think Mary Anne might be even more of a paranoid worrier than me! I didn't think that was possible, even from a fictional character!

  • Someone who cares less about their sanity than I do should count the number of times the word Tigger (or some variant of that) appears in this book. Cause, a lot.

  • Hate hate hate the "allergy" dialect. HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!

  • I think it's funny that I never remember that Logan had curly hair. I think it's cause he always has straight hair on the covers. And in the illustrations. Huh.

  • So, Hunter's room is like a sterile, bare prison cell. Fun!

  • Hunter has so many allergies, I feel like I'm being set up for a joke. He's like Kyle (2)'s cousin Kyle on South Park, minus the Judaism. And, you know, Southern. He's even got a stack of food allergies, including wheat and milk. What, no nuts?

  • Yes, a missing pet equals...say it with me...an emergency meeting of the BSC!!!!!! Whoopee.

  • So, instead of putting an actual picture of Tigger on the posters, they have Claud make a drawing of Tigger based on a stack of photos. The fuck?

  • When Kristy starts to get an idea, she starts wriggling like a puppy. I think she might need to get that checked out. But who am I to judge? I dance to songs in my head.

  • "Answers to the name of Tigger." Nothing'll bring him back like old-timey sayings.

  • I really don't need a detailed description of a fucking hamster. Sure, it's cute. Most rodents are. But I don't care!!!!!

  • M.A. gets pissed cause Logan thinks the following statement is a bit overdramatic: "I think that this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me." 'Kay, Mary Anne? Your mom died. And you think that your kitten going missing is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? Can't believe I'm agreeing with a dicklicker like Logan.

  • Hee. I blame these books for some of my weird verbal ticks. For years, I used the word "gaped" entirely too much, mainly because I read it sooooo many times in this series.

  • Um, you'd think someone as attached to her could kitten would've, I don't know, gotten tags to put on his collar?

  • Ew. "The lavender overalls [Lucy had] worn in the morning were covered with milk, grape juice, and mashed banana." Did the baby sleep in that shit? And that must smell monumentally rank.

  • The so-called ransom note: "If you want to see your cat alive again, leave $100 in an envelope on the big rock in Brenner Field at 4:00 tomorrow afternoon." Sociopathic kid has better spelling than Claudia. Hee.

  • Again, why on earth wouldn't they call the cops or at least somebody's parents???? Sure, they think it's from a kid, but how the fuck do they know? Dumbasses.

  • I hate how awkward meetings are when Logan's there. He's a thirteen-year-old boy. I really don't think he'd mind you talking about your bras. Hell, twenty-whatever-year-old guys certainly don't mind. In fact, they rather enjoy it.

  • Heh. Logan tells Mary Anne she's acting like a girl.

  • Adults will get in the way. Yeah, not they might be able to help. Whatever.

  • And the entire neighborhood knows about the ransom note. Awesomely responsible, scaring a bunch of kids.

  • Yeah, Logan's being an ass cause he's having some trouble with baseball. Apparently, he's sucking it up so hard, he's gonna get cut.

  • Lameass Kristy and her attempts to disgust her friends. Classy.

  • Um, yeah. Logan can't really pull off the bad cop role.

  • Claud "babbysat." Cause she's a fucking idiot. And she thought it was "Elbow Presley" for years...but she doesn't say when she figured it out.

  • Also, Claud wonders if Tigger's dead. And she wonders it in the club notebook.

  • Yay! Nantucket Nectars Half & Half makes me happy!

  • Oh, the fucking allergy talk just drives me up the fucking wall...Cancelling out all the good feelings from the Half & Half...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!

  • Mary Anne thinks that Logan knew that Kerry had the cat. And if he knew, "then we couldn't be friends anymore." And she's all worked up about it.

  • When she decides to talk to him about it, she brings him cookies and soda. I guess she's trying to make things special? Or pleasant? I have no idea.

  • "Logan took a soda and drank about half the glass in one gulp. How do boys do that? I mean, without exploding from the carbonation." Okay...Of all the "boys are weird" things to pick on?

  • Aw, "And you're my Mary Anne...I could never hurt you. Not on purpose. I couldn't lie to you. Don't you know that?" Isn't he sweet?

  • They can't kiss cause the neighbors are watching!!!!

  • And...Mary Anne brings Tigger to the next BSC meeting. Why??? How does nobody mind??? And how do none of the BSCers have cat allergies? And would M.A. really want to bring her precious kitten to a rat hole?

  • I'm not even going to bother with the fucking retarded ending. Let me put it this way. If it were a sitcom, it would end with a freeze frame of everyone laughing.



Yep. That's that...

No clue what I'm doing next week...Maybe there will be more outfits. We can only hope.

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

First!!!

"Lady" Bea said...

Heh, this one was awesome. Stupid Mary Ann. And I always found Hunter's stupid "allergy talk" irritating as hell too! I had allergies and a runny nose for most of my childhood and I sure didn't sound like that. And man, is Logan a dick in this book. Way to be an enabler, Mary Ann!

Kimberly said...

Is Logan ever not an asshole? We always hear from all of the BSC members that Logan is soooo kind and cute and wonderful and perfect, but I've never seen any evidence of that in any of the BSC books I've read.

I hate how all the books refer to Tigger as a kitten. I know the BSC is frozen in time, but he can't be a kitten for months on end. He's a cat, MA, get over it.

Lisa said...

Ha, I loved your comments.
Plus, you referred to Kyle and Kyle 2.
("Oh it was so silly of me, I managed to hide myself on a plane to Antartica, oh it was so dry down there.")

Anonymous said...

i have also known that tigger is forever a "kitten"... and that logan is forever an asshole.

then again, my 8th grade boyfriend was quite an asshole, too, and i still thought he was amazing.

Jessica Wakefield said...

I think she was calling Dawn's mom a slut.

I also copied MA's outfit once.

It also seems like Logan didn't really have any friends- you'd think he's want some of his guy friends to "occupy" the other BSC members so he could get some alone time with MA.

Hillary said...

Wait...Logan has curly hair?
How did I ever miss that?
Also, now I KNOW I am being overly emotional, cuz I kind of choked up on the Logan "Your my Mary Anne" dialogue. *pukes...and then chokes up some more*

Erin said...

I looooove when you post anything with Logan. Or anything with any guy--the BSC are at their BEST when they're emulating romance...in the 6th-8th grade! Good times. Sometime, you'll have to do Kristy's Secret Admirer. I'm not even funny, but I could snark over that until the end of time.

Anonymous said...

Mary Anne's obsession with her cat (oh, I'm sorry, I mean kitten) was borderline scary. Remember she bought it to the train station in a carrier the time the BSC went to NY? LAME!

Matamgirl said...

You know, I like cats in fact when I first read this book I had a cat. I loved my cat. However I never bored my friends or family with details about what my cat did all day. I also didn't spend all my money on cat toys.

I hated this book. I always found it boring. If Hunter's allergies were so much worse how come no-one looked in Kerry's room? Or did her Mom never go in her room?

~Ashley Joy~ said...

Funny stuff! I bet when Claudia wondered about the status of Tigger's life in the club notebook, she wrote I wonder if Tijr's ded.

Side question....Are any of these broads menstruating? We all know Kristy's not, because she doesn't need a bra yet. But, super sophisticated (and crazy bitchy) Claudia, Stacey and Dawn must!

Anonymous said...

Why don't ya do Stacey's ex best friend? That one is really bitchworthy.

Bre said...

Mary Anne always made me a bit sad - like a cautionary tale - this could happen to you!!

Now I know why.

Anonymous said...

^ I first read the name above as "bra."

I hate Logan.

that's all...

Mia said...

Anon - She did do Stacey's Ex Best Friend... right here... http://claudiasroom.blogspot.com/2007/04/i-guess-you-could-call-them-girlfriend.html

And Tiff, I, too, allowed the BSC to color my vocabulary at 10/11/12. I loved how Ann M. used "incredulously" ALL the time.

Anonymous said...

I think you should delve into some of the 100's of the series: Kristy's Worst Idea, Kristy+Bart=? (a personal favorite), or the Very Special Book where Jessi's brother is in a car crash. Basically, I want you to make fun of Abby, because she always pissed me off.

colleenn said...

I *still* say "gaped" far too often for my liking... is this where I got it from?

And I am picturing the atrosity that would have been MA's "indredible" speech had this book come a bit later in the series... "dibble-looking, dibbly nice, dibbly dibble!" etc. Although it was probably mostly Mallory who got off on overusing the club slang because she liked to feel like she fit in.

K.E.N. said...

did you hear A.M. on NPR this past week? new series coming out. it sounds....good?
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12237625
"For anyone who wishes they could think of a book concept like J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, they might start by taking notes from Ann M. Martin."

Anonymous said...

Wow, I loved this book when I was little. I loved all the Mary Anne and Logan relationship books, no matter good or bad. Set me up to be a huge shipper in other contexts later in life, I guess. As an adult, wow, he was borderline abusive sometimes. Or, he just sucked. It's ridiculously unclear, but I find myself gaping incredulously (ha ha) at Ann M. Martin and her army of ghostwriters' characterization of tween romance.

kiwimusume said...

I loved how Ann M. used "incredulously" ALL the time.

I remember getting praised by my English teacher in high school for using "incredulous" (or maybe it was "incredulity") in an essay I'd written. Whaddayaknow, the BSC helped me out!

Ali said...

I think I HAVE all Hunter's allergies. Dust, dust mites, wheat, rye, oats, barley, the lilly family, pollen, trees, grass, cats...

Wow, I belong in this book.

And I laughed at the thought of Richard being so excited for a date (because if he's nervous then that's just awkward) he can't even speak to his own daughter. Weirdo.

Ali said...

lol and I just realized that my poor writing skills in grade school probably came from how ANM capitalizes random words like Kristy's "Look", which always had a capital L. And I totally remember the muffled-speak from being under the bed. I used to think that was so clever haha.

Rebecita said...

Yes, let's please all collectively take a moment of silence to hate on the allergy talk. And ANM's obsession with "mysteries". At least this one actually contains a legitimate case to solve, which is more than we can say for most of the "Mystery" books.

Are any of these broads menstruating?
Seriously! If Judy Bloome taught me anything, it's that preteen girls have a fixation on that topic. I know it's not like BSC is a model of coming-of-age lit, since they're doomed to repeat the same birthdays and summer vacation until the end of time. But the least they could do is throw in some period talk!

Rebecita said...

Heh, apparently Ms Blume didn't teach me to spell.

Ashley said...

This is such an awesome blog... I had to link it. I love the Baby-Sitter's Club, but I don't have the self discipline to reread any of them unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

On the topic of menstroo-ation:

I too always wondered how come the girls *never* *ever* talked about puberty, aside from the very rare comments about bras, and the consistant commentary about Kristy not being interested in boys yet. Really, from age 11 to 14 all my girlfriends and I were beyond obsessed with periods, breasts, and boys. The closest the good ol' BSC ever gets near that is occasional death-crushes on boys. But really, even those aren't obsessive enough.

I know, I know, picking on the realism of these girls is just shooting rubber fish in a barrel.

Hey, I bet Claud has a pair of earrings like that! I can see it now: "She even has a pair of earrings that is a rubber fish for one ear and a barrel for the other." Hell, go all the way, Claudia! Hang live guppies from your ears! I dare you!

Kristin said...

Yeah ... weird how they never had a very special period book. Think of how Mallory would have felt even MORE inferior and less grown-up, with her heart tights and no period.

They do occasionally reference breasts ... I feel like Mary Anne especially was obsessed with pointing out when people "filled out their bikinis nicely" or whatever. I remember it because I always thought it was such a weird way to describe that ... Also, Logan really is kind of a dick! I didn't think so at the time, but in retrospect, their relationship is a Lifetime movie waiting to happen, that ends with MA in a body bag.

peaches said...

I never noticed how Logan was so clingy and unlike any other middle school boys in real life when I was reading these books. But then again I didn't have a boyfriend until 11th grade so I probably assumed that was normal. I always assumed that the BSC was simply too mature to speak of their periods. Kinda weird considering some of the immature decisions they made.

Sunday said...

"Tigger" appears in this book 369 times, including the title. "Tiggy" appears three times and "Tiger" appears once, in one of Claudia's journal entries. with this book weighing in at 142 pages, that's 2.63 references to Tigger's name per page. i think i deserve a prize.

Krista said...

I'm curious why this one wasn't put into the Mystery sub-series. Maybe she just hadn't started those yet.

Ew, MA making comments about girls 'filling out their bikini tops nicely' totally skeeves me out.

melissa d. said...

loltiggers in ur bf's room ... freakin u out

typographic darling said...

Oh man...totally off topic, but I did a little AMM research on amazon and discovered an amazingly hilarious sounding BSC book from the later part of the series: Claudia's Big Party

peaches said...

I know that most everyone hates karen as much as I do so go to this http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/m/ann-m-martin/karens-bully.htm

to see the most ridiculous cover of Karen ever!

peaches said...

Lamest yet most hilarious pic of Mallory ever!

http://www.angelfire.com/anime3/happydance/wc_m.htm


This is from the UK covers

Cathryn said...

//I blame these books for some of my weird verbal ticks.//

Ha! ANM is directly responsible for my constant and persistent abuse of the helpless parentheses. I picked it up subconsciously, too - I never made the connection between the BSC and my overuse of parentheses until I reread some of the books as an older teenager and saw *how damn much* she uses them. There's no question of where I got that habit.

Anonymous said...

Holy Crap Peaches!
Karen looks like a cracked out kirsten dunst.

Your name reminded me... Has anyone read "Claudia and Crazy Peaches"? I seriously think that one needs to be looked at. I've never read it, but the title is already a winner.

stephanie said...

Logan's a dicklicker. Haha.

Anonymous said...

I grew up in CT and was confused by the existence of Stoneybrook. There is a Stony Creek in the vicinity of AMM's geography. Also there is a Stony Brook in NY on Long Island. Not sure WTF was up with that, if AMM *had* to make up a fictional town maybe she should check to see if it exists 1 STATE AWAY FIRST. I went out to the beach in Long Island and this freaked me out. I have since transplanted the BSC in my mind to Long Island, which makes Stacy & co. that much more interesting. Kristy & MA are now jappy girls who grow up to have Daddy complexes. :)

Jessica Wakefield said...

Haha to the above. I lived in CT for a few years and when I took Metro North to Stamford, I always thought about the Stamford Mall.

Anonymous said...

Totally busted out a map of Connecticut when I was reading the books and was shocked - SHOCKED - to see there was no such town. I reconciled that by saying, "Well, it's a really small town; maybe too small to be on the map." Thank God there was no internet back that, or Lord only knows what other BSC safety blankets I'd have yanked out from under me. "There's no such person as Cam Geary?!"

Anonymous said...

I was at my parent's house a few weeks ago and I read Mary-Anne and the Playground Fight. It's a pretty high number, but full of illogical and ridiculous plotlines!

Anonymous said...

re: my stupid comment above-I know you probably get suggestions of books to read all of the time but I found that book to be particularly stupid. Just in case you come across it....

MissCritta said...

I just found this blog and it's freaking awesome! I was a BSC addict as a child, so this is way too much fun for me! Off to read previous posts (and laugh my ass off!)

Anonymous said...

OMG THERE'S NO SUCH PERSON AS CAM GEARY?????

i think i used to always think cam geary = cary grant.

so i look at cary grant in movies and am like, "THAT'S who logan looks like?"

ugh. i am an idiot.

Mahnaz said...

I actually bought a used copy of Claudia's Big Party. Claud's seventh grade boyfriend Josh is the total opposite of Logan (instead of a moody, emotionally manipulative asshole, he's uber clingy and pathetic). Hooray for stable relationships! :D

I also thought it was strange that there was no period talk. Maybe because BSC was targeted at the elementary school set? AMM's books were full of so much wholesome fun, and Judy's books were full of girls obsessing over when they'd start staining their drawers.

Btw, was anyone at Book Expo this year? Both AMM and Judy Blume were there! I got a signed copy of AMM's new book (but no, have not read it yet).

Anonymous said...

Judy Blume's obsession with periods was a little scary. Then again, my friends and I were obsessed with "when will it happen," too.

I'm not sure if Judy B's books accuratedly captured tween fears about periods or were the *cause of* such fears.

Anonymous said...

Man, MA is a ninny.
What? Tigger's name appeared 369 times? Seriously?
God, MA talks too much about her cat. Have to agree with Logan, she is acting overdramatic.

Anonymous said...

i think judy blume was the cause of such fears, to be honest. i read all of her books, and thought nonstop about my period, but my friends that didn't read her books couldn't have cared less about their periods.

Anonymous said...

I remember reading 'are you there god? its me, margaret?' before i got my period. the descriptions of 70's style feminine hygeine products disturbed me. The development of pads had apparently grown in leaps and bounds in twenty years.

Dinah said...

this blog makes me so happy.

Anonymous said...

haha, i laughed my ass off reading this one. :)

Kate said...

You know what always annoyed me? We constantly got the story about how Mary Anne's big moment of liberation was when she was allowed to stop wearing her hair in braids. But then, on the book covers, she freaking always had TWO PONYTAILS! WTF? How is that any better?

Anonymous said...

When I was little, I didn't want to have my period. I thought it was the grossest thing on earth.

Ryan Michele said...

Did anyone else besides me just start to realize that Richard Spier was the first true metrosexual?

bazu said...

poor mary anne- really did look better before her makeover, didn't she?

ilovejunk said...

To this day, whenever I see a bag of Double-Stuf Oreos, the phrase "lummy fummy dummy fuff ooeoos", or whatever the fuck, pops into my head. Someone needs to invent brain bleach. Seriously.

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