Cover fun? First of all, there are two different covers, but literally the only
thing that's different is Jessi's head!!!! It's freaky!!!!
Okay, her shirt is a little different, too. And it's still wigging me out!!!!
Also, one of the twins is wearing a t-shirt that just says "Skating" on it! Hee. And is it just me, or does Derek look like a very small man as opposed to a little boy?
Mmmm, acid washed.
So, in this book, Stoneybrook's own child star moves back to town while his TV show, P.S. 162 is on break. [It took me years and years before I figured out what P.S. stood for in this context. See, I grew up in the suburbs? Where public schools--actually, all schools--have names. The school on Head of the Class was the closest thing I got to NYC public schools, and that one had a name, right?] And Jessi winds up sitting for him a bunch. Oh, yeah, and he has trouble adjusting or whatever, cause the kids are all mean to him cause he's famous. And there's this one kid who does especially nasty shit, and his name's John, but Jessi calls him the Superbrat. And Derek finally starts making friends, blah blah blah. And, it turns out, DEREK WAS JOHN, AND JOHN WAS DEREK!!!!! DA DA DAAAAAAA!!!! Yet, Jessi doesn't get all pissed about him being a little dickhead to his classmates, cause it's all better now. Oh, and then he has to move back to L.A. to shoot a made-for-TV movie. Bye for now! See you in a Super Special!
And the subplot? Jessi decides to audition for a performance of Swan Lake at the Stoneybrook Civic Center [Um, how is Stoneybrook such a small town, yet it has a fucking civic center??? And apparently, performances there get written up in the New York papers? Yep. I'm a little confused about just how much of a "small town" the 'Brook is...] And she makes it through the first two auditions, but then, all of a sudden, she doesn't really care about ballet and decides that she's going to take up modeling and acting...She even calls a bunch of agents in Stamford. But when she lands a role as a swan maiden, she gives up the charade and is all OMG! BALLET IS THE ONLY THING I'VE EVER CARED ABOUT!!!!! DENIAL? WHAT DENIAL?
Yep, that's the basic idea...Here are the specifics:
- Blah, why do all the books either start wicked boring like "I have feelings. Listen to them!" or "Ooh! Look at my crazy life!!!" Why can't they start the book like a normal book????? Why is it all, "Oh, my sister's freaking out!!! But it's not what you think!!! It's a "clever" plot device to introduce a new character!!!!"? Huh? Why not just something normal???
- "I also found myself another best friend." Um, that was fast...And that's a really callous way of saying it, no?
- The inner city school on P.S. 162 includes all different kinds of kids. Of course it does! It's a show for kids! And it's a sugar-coated image of the real world! Sound familiar, ANM?
- Oh, the most popular kid is "smart, funny, and good-looking." Ah, remember when you thought that was how people got to be popular?
- So, the character Derek plays? He's the nerd, Waldo, who is officially a member of the Biggest Cliches Ever club: "He's got weird, spiky hair and he wears this pair of thick black glasses and he's an incredible science whiz. You know, one of those kids who lives and breathes science, but put him in the real world and he can barely tie his shoes..." You get the drift. He's also the comic relief on the show. Of course.
- I can't figure out if the teacher on the show is actually named Miss Pedagogue, or if it's Waldo being "clever." It's probably just the ghostwriter being "clever."
- Becca keeps saying L.P. instead of L.A. And it's not funny.
- Blah, Jessi's wicked psyched that someone who doesn't currently live in Stoneybrook is on TV. And she can't believe no one's told her before! Maybe because it hasn't come up?
- "That Monday, for instance, she had two French braids pulled back and wound into one. [Huh?] She's also a wild dresser. [Yes, Claud is a crazy piece of furniture.] At that meeting she was wearing a bright pink T-shirt, a short red flouncy skirt, and underneath the skirt she had on black footless tights that she had rolled up to mid calf." Rolled footless tights? For real? Also, bright pink and red together? Equals risky and she's probably not pulling it off.
- How convenient...Jessi's job with the Braddocks is taking up less of her time!
- Stupid fake French accent!!!!
- "This may sound corny, but every once in awhile in class my overwhelming love for ballet just comes flooding into me." Gee, Jessi, you forget that really fucking frequently.
- Gack! More fake French accent!!!! NO MORE!!!! [Actually, that is the last mention of Jessi's ballet classes in the book. Huh.]
- Apparently, a lot of dancers from New York will be auditioning for this show. Yet New York is soooo far away or something.
- Also, all these girls can act out scenes from A Chorus Line. At like, 11, 12, 13, & 14. Yet none of them are musical theatre nerds, just ballet dancers...Hmm...
- What kind of 8-year-old (other than Dakota Fanning, however the hell old she is) talks like this: "Nicky's a great guy."? Huh? Derek sounds like he's in his mid-20s, talking about a guy he dumped.
- Oh, and Mal goes all kindsa retarded around Derek, talking like she's in high society, or she has a giant pole up her ass, take your pick.
- Damn, I hate the little kid insults!!!! I know I say that, like, every book, but I don't care!!!! They are stupid!!!! And they keep showing up!!!!
- Kristy's handwriting looks really odd in this book.
- I fucking hate Karen, and her desire to be A STAR!!! I desire to smack her in the mouth. So, now we're both disappointed.
- Jessi's mom types her resume for the audition. Even at 11, my mom would've been all, "I'll help you, but I won't do it for you." Yep.
- Would the dancers auditioning really wear flashy dance gear? I really don't know, but I would think that would distract from the dancing?
- Since when is Mal the voice of wisdom? "And she said I shouldn't let my fears stop me from doing what I wanted in life." Dude, is she the next Dalai Lama or what?
- Yes, little kids can be so mean. But so can pre-teen girls. And teenagers. And adults. And me.
- Actually, no matter what you do, Jessi, there will be a group of bitchy girls (and/or boys) tearing you apart. It's not just ballet.
- Derek's trying to lure Jessi to L.A. Yep.
- Really? You think modeling and acting will be less stressful than ballet? Really? *cough* (Dumbass!)
- The BSC decide to throw Derek a going-away party. And they decide to make it a breakfast party, which is actually not a horrible idea. But they totally should've served bacon.
- Why can't you have cake at a breakfast party? I've eaten cake for breakfast on many mornings...
- "Modeling can't be as nerve-racking as ballet." Actually, it can. And even more cutthroat! Woo! New season of ANTM coming soon!
- "'I'll make you a star, kid,' he was saying. He lit a cigar and slapped me on the back. 'You've got the face. We'll plaster your picture in every magazine across the country." Um, this is how Jessi pictures the exciting world of modeling? And in Connecticut at that? Yeah, someone's been watching too many movies on AMC.
- All the BSCers are wearing robes at the party, but they refuse to wear curlers (Kristy's idea. Cause, yeah.).
- "Nothing's fair in love or ballet." Or having to read these stupid books. Yikes.
- Oh, and if it's such a big deal performance, how on earth can Jessi fit rehearsals in around dance class, school, AND baby-sitting. Good to know that the whole thing just disappears after this book!
Thanks for all the nice comments wishing for me to get better. I'm sure none of them were at all selfish, wishing that I'd come back and entertain you. Hee. I'm feeling better, but I'm not 100% yet. So, if I wasn't as bitchy as usual, that's why.