Monday, August 27, 2007

Liking a guy is so weird; or, BSC #59: Mallory Hates Boys (and Gym)

Let me just get this out of the way: Mal is fucking retarded. Seriously. Even if I didn't already think she was a waste of literary oxygen, this book would have convinced me.

Now, let's discuss the cover:



1. Mal's not hideous-looking, but those fucking glasses turn her into a 60-year-old single man who spends all his days in short-sleeved polyester shirts. Damn.
2. For gym uniforms, those ain't half bad.
3. Okay, the blond? The most crushed upon guy in my sixth grade class had that haircut, AND he did that thing where he spiked the hair at the part. [I can totally picture it, but it's kind of hard to describe.]
4. That one kid's shorts are wicked short. Did he get stuck with the petite size?

This book has a plot. Sort of. It's just really fucking lame. In case you couldn't tell from the super-retarded title of the book, in this one, Mal hates gym class and thinks boys are evil. Oh, excuse me, pains. Sometimes, I really wish these bitches could've cursed like longshoremen. It would've made the books sooooo much more interesting. So, gym class (which Mal hates already) goes co-ed, and she acts like a brat. She hates volleyball, too, and thinks everyone who's trying is being mean and picking on her. So, she sits out a bunch and gets detentions. And in a sort of subplot, lots of the male children in the 'Brook are acting particularly bad or something. So, Mal concludes that gym class turns Stoneybrook boys into nightmares. Again, she's a friggin' idiot. And the ending? Mal discovers that she's good at archery (thanks to the dreaded gym class) and makes the archery team, an activity that is never heard from again. And everything's hunky dory, with apologies to Bowie. So, so stupid.

There is a lot to destroy in this little Permabound package:


  • Mal starts off the book by talking about vocabulary words. And, hate!

  • Does playing with a Nerf ball really count as playing ball inside the house?

  • Poor, poor Byron. "He's not as athletic as Adam and Jordan." Also, Mal can pick him out of the triplets "just from the way he slouches." Ah, indie rock god in the making.

  • Um, Mal, you're their sister! You should be able to (fairly) easily tell the triplets apart!

  • Can I blame these books for my tendency to find accents hot?

  • Mal's description of Ben: "By movie-star standards, Ben isn't a hunk or anything. (Even though I think he's totally adorable. [That's good, you're actually attracted to your friggin' boyfriend.]) He has reddish-blond hair, sort of a round face, and freckles. He's tall. And he wears glasses. (Which makes me feel less self-conscious about my glasses.) Yeah, that's really selling him.

  • Mal keeps calling her siblings geeks.

  • Dude! Typo! "leavfjing" is supposed to be leaving. Hee.

  • Mal is deluded; she thinks that Ben's brothers are always perfect. Cause she sees them how often?

  • "Until I met Ben, I thought making a cake from scratch meant you started by opening a box of cake mix!" Yeah, your mom's got a giant litter of children. Heaven forbid she make cake from a mix. You poor neglected girl. Bitch.

  • "Jessi isn't stuck-up about her dancing. Not at all. Everything about her is very normal." Thanks for clearing that up. I was totally worked up thinking she'd be stuck up about her dancing. [Also, is a 10-year age difference between the oldest and youngest kid "very normal?" Not saying it's freakish or anything, but it's hardly 2.54 kids-style normal.]

  • "Claudia was waring a pair of soft, balloony, purple pants ["Can't touch this...do do do-do do-do" you get the picture.]; a neon green long-sleeve leotard top [um, where's the rest of the leotard?]; a wide, red braided belt; and a pair of soft, red ballet shoes." Yeah, purple, neon green and red, all mixed up in one nasty, fugly mess. Oh, and according to Mal, "If I wore an outfit like that, I'd look like a lunatic. But not Claudia. She looked like a fashion model." Nope, I can't even see her and I want to burn my eyes out with lemon juice and salt covered hot pokers.

  • Wow, an actual example of "California casual!" "For example, today she was wearing black stirrup pants, a long, fleecy red-and-pink rose-print top and black high-top sneakers." Doesn't really sound very Cali to me.

  • Okay. This is...yeah. "I fished through the jumble of clothes until, way in the back, I found a one-piece denim jumpsuit. It had been a present for my last birthday. I never wear it. Not because I hate it or anything. It's just not me. It's a little too high-style or something." Okay, for someone who bitches and moans about looking like ass and being treated like a baby, you'd think she'd want to wear something more high-style.

  • Mrs. Pike actually considers letting Mal stay home to avoid gym class. The fuck?

  • Okay, their gym uniforms aren't that bad! Baggy shorts and a white shirt? It's not like they have to wear the polyester hot-pants/jumpsuits that my mom had to wear in the early 70s!

  • Aunt Cecilia irons Jessi's gym clothes. And Mal tries it out, too. Dumbass.

  • Pinnies? I always thought they were pennies. You know, the colored mesh things to differentiate the teams?

  • Mal ducks and runs away from the ball and doesn't try at all. And then she wonders why everybody on her team hates her. Plus, 10 people on a volleyball team? Are they rotating people in and out? I'm so confused...[I used to play volleyball, so some of this shit totally bugged me.]

  • Okay. Why do these bitches always expect their baby-sitting jobs to be easy? If a parent says the kid's all kindsa wound up, you might want to listen. That doesn't mean that it'll be a cakewalk for you! Plus, if you don't like it when the kids are all crazy, why sit at all????? "Oh, that kid's never any problem..." My ass!!! If you do soooo much sitting, then you shouldn't ever be fucking surprised when kids are bad! They're fucking kids!!!!!

  • Okay, not every boy in gym class is all crazy competitive. Also, some of the girls are. So, shut up Mal! Your stupid theory is fucking dumb!!!!!

  • Also, very little in middle school matters in the long run, not just gym class.

  • Suck it up. So, you hate volleyball and you hate gym class. You're hardly the only one. Just do what you need to get through it and shut the fuck up, you stupid twat!!!!!

  • Mal's first detention. Awwww...

  • Ben and Logan are different. I see. *cough* (GAY!)

  • Ben keeps waiting for Mal after detention. Isn't that sweet?

  • Logan thinks all the kids are being monsters, but he can't see that only the boys are being monsters because he is, in fact, a boy. And a boy who likes boys, at that.

  • Logan flirts by hitting. So do I.

  • Mal can't believe that Jessi kinda likes volleyball.

  • Mal's theory: "American boys from Stoneybrook were the biggest pains on earth." As opposed to European boys from Stoneybrook? Also, she recognizes that boys from Kentucky aren't pains--I'll buy that.

  • Mal never even considers that "benching herself" and getting detentions might hurt her gym grade. Asshat.

  • Aw, Ben thinks about Mal. A lot.

  • One of Mal's punishments=awesome. She has to wash all the smelly pinnies in the home ec room after school.

  • G.I. Joe! Knowing is half the battle!

  • Mal hides all the detention notices from her parents, and they're not nearly as pissed as my parents would've been. Hiding the fact that I was getting detentions would have resulted in severe punishment.

  • Mal and Ben trade brothers for an evening. AND THEIR PARENTS GO ALONG WITH IT!?!?!?!?!

  • Mal's crazy surprised when the Hobart boys are crazy at her house, and her brothers are well-behaved and polite at the Hobarts'. My theory? Mal makes boys into monsters.

  • Mal finally talks to her gym teacher about the problems she's having. And the boys' gym teacher asks the boys not to pick on Mal anymore.

  • Okay, supposedly neither Mal nor Jessi has ever done archery before their archery unit in gym class. But wait! Wasn't there some mention of archery at Camp Mohawk? Hmmm...



Phew. So much crap. Shut up, Mal.

The end.

75 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is my first time posting but I've been reading for quite awhile. Great blog, it always makes me laugh. In fact I am still laughing about Jessi's head from last week. Can't wait to see which book you'll do next!

Molly

kiwimusume said...

Ye Gods, I'd forgotten what a tard Mallory is. I sucked at sports, too, OK? And I got picked on too. And I didn't make such a pathetic fuss about it. Sure, I bitched about it (I actually met one of my best friends when all the classes in my block had to go running together and we started bitching about it to each other) but "benching" myself? Uh-uh. Does she not realise that she's just drawing MORE attention to herself by being such a baby about it?

What does Mary Anne have to say about this, anyway? She sucked at sports too, but didn't that omgscary gym teacher eventually tell her that she actually respected her for giving it her best shot even though she sucked?

Lisa said...

Hahahaha! I remember this one. I hate hate hate hate hate the books with the Hobarts in them, becuase as an Australian I get SO MAD at the stupid "accents" they're supposed to have. Gah.

Also, I hate Mal. That said, though, I had to play volleyball in primary school and I hated it and I was bullied for just about everything. So I faked illnesses and injuries like a bitch and got out of it like that. And it was probably obvious, but screw it. I got away with it better than Mallory did and I was only 8 or 9.

Classics said...

I think "pinny" may be short for "pinafore," something those stupid mesh things only vaguely resembled. Can you believe kids still read these things? And don't mock them? Amazing.

Jennifer Michelle said...

I'm totally addicted to this blog. Today at work, when I should have been making sure sales people were awarded points for their paychecks, I kept checking to see if the new post was up. I effing love this stuff!

Anonymous said...

Ugh this book dredges up some unpleasant memories of middle school gym. I have a lingering mistrust now of anybody who managed to have a positive gym experience from those 3 years of hell (though high school gym classes were a helluva lot better cause no one really gave a shit, and you had more options anyway... ah what would I have done without you, Walking Fitness?)

kiwimusume said...

Hee, the only time I've ever heard "pinny" being used is when my grandma used it to refer to her apron. So I totes have this mental picture of these kids wearing cooking aprons to gym class. XD

stephanie said...

I used to hate gym class because all the girls were big bitches. It was sort of refreshing when we were out on the field with the boys because at least there was something to look at.

Margie said...

Claudia's outfit makes her sound like some sort of colorblind genie or something.

I think I was one of the only 11 year olds who loathed gym more than Mallory did, but I found it was better for my grades to just stick it out and suck horribly and endure the teasing (of which there was a lot-- I had Mallory style glasses, frizzy hair, and I was chubby, although my braces didn't come until I was 14... but to add insult to injury, I was six feet tall at 12). Yes, the boys (and some other girls) beat me up. Yes, the kids made fun of me. But I never actually DID anything about it, and I didn't ever fail PE although god knows I probably should have.

Also, I think I actually wore an outfit like Dawn's once. Or a couple of my friends did. Ha! Proof for California Casual actually existing! Really though, the only thing I would call "California Casual" is wearing flip flops year-round or something, because I haven't met many non-Californians who do that, but we all do.

Anonymous said...

I love that the whole brother switch thing means that Mallory's parents are the problem. Probably shouldn't have had so many if you can't raise 'em right.

Caitlin said...

I love your blog.

What boggles my mind is the fact that they never experience coed gym class. My classes growing up were always coed until my senior year when our 70+-person gym class had to be split so we split into boys and girls because the boys were "too rough."

And Claudia's outfit is just too ridic for words. I read it several times trying to imagine it, but I still can't picture its hideousness.

Also, thank you for bringing pinnies back into my mind. I went to school with some funky people and always cringed when those orange-and-yellow-neon things came out.

Anonymous said...

I hated gym in middle school. I was never made fun of, but my lack of coordination humilated me on a daily basis.

I just figured to get an A in the class I should just suck it up and try.

High school gym's pretty sweet, we're all apathetic and my teacher can't remember my name . . .or anyone elses, so we just all get A's

Miriam (a.k.a Poppy Feilds) said...

BYRON PIKE IS GAY!

I will just never understand why Mal would be attracted to someone who looks almost exactly like her (Ben). I think it was Ann M.s’ way of saying ‘because Mal is so fugly she can only get a guy who is equally fugly’. What a way to tell kids that it’s what’s ‘inside’ that matters.

That thing about cake mix? Is that supposed to be funny? Fuck, I want to smack her.

BUT even though I haven’t read this book…I think I can understand how Mal feels. I totally used to do that whole ‘ducks and runs away from the ball’ thing. I fucking hated P.E. Everyone used to moan if they had me on their team and yelled at me when I did something stupid. It was traumatic.

But nevertheless I still DID it and didn’t complain like a whining bitch.

Cecil said...

On the cover, Mal's legs look broken and they're all FLOATING. Was this the book where she mentions boys trying to walk like girls at the swimming pool? If so that's the only bit I remember of it... but I did read these when I was about 8 or 9.

bel said...

I never understood people who were good at sport, especially ball sports. If something comes flying through the air towards you, isn't the natural reflex to run away? Mine sure is. Not jump up and try to hit it in a precise direction.

Kimberly said...

I liked coed gym in middle school because I got to watch the boy I liked engage in athletic competition (such as it was). Mal could at least appreciate the scenery in a coed gym class.

I really hated Mal and all of the rest of the Pikes. I could never suspend the disbelief that they had so many kids so close in age. Growing up I was friends with a couple of girls in 8-child families (I was raised Catholic), and there were huge spans of age between the eldest and youngest. My best friend in elementary school was the youngest of 8, and her oldest siblings were out of college and married by the time we were in second grade. I know Mrs. Pike had triplets, but still, why did ANM have her having babies every year or two? Ugh. So much stupidity in the Pike family!

Anonymous said...

It's mentioned in quite a few books that Mal(Lorrygrl)goes to archery class (mary anne has to keep track of lots of things- jessi's ballet, claudia's art classes, mal's archery club meetings...).

Anonymous said...

Also, she recognizes that boys from Kentucky aren't pains--I'll buy that.

Actually, Mal is quite wrong. As a gay boy living in Kentucky, I've found that the only boys in this state who aren't pains are the ones, like me, who weren't born here. Kentucky boys are MAJOR pains. Poor Mary Anne!

Aussie boys on the other hand...how'd Mal get an Aussie interested in her?

coquelicot said...

Meh...Kentucky boys aren't bad. I'm married to one. :)

As for the gym outfits...Tiff, you're right, those on the cover aren't bad at all. When I took gym during my freshman year of HS, our gym uniforms were these short red shorts (so short I wore stretchy black shorts under them) and these hideous gray T-shirts with a huge red-and-white screen-print logo on the front. By the end of the semester, the print looked pink from all the washing I had to do. By the time I left HS, the school had decided to lengthen the shorts to be closer to knee-length. Figures... I wouldn't have minded at all to have a gym uniform like the SMS ones.

Mrs Pinchloaf said...

I just discovered your blog and spent a blissful time at work last week reading the archives--love it! You're very funny.

And I HATE Mallory, she's always been my least-favorite sitter. I liked her much better before she was indoctrinated into the "Club" and got her own books. For being the oldest of eight, she's such a fucking baby. Quit your whinging!

Robin said...

Wow, those boys are awfully touchy.

Usually there is a babysitting charge that is going through some sort of parallel experience that we all learn a lesson from...what was it in this one?

And srsly Mr. and Mrs. Pike, stop screwing like bunnies.

colleenn said...

yay! I was hoping you'd review this one soon. I definitely hate Mallory more now in retrospect than I did back then. I had coed gym up through 6th grade so I was mad at her for being a whiner about it. I also never liked the Hobarts. I hated whatever book it was when Ben says "Hoi, Mel-ry!" (I'm not Australian and have never even met anyone from there... the accent attempts in general just annoyed me.) Speaking of which, I read an Abby-era book last week for pretty much the first time, and yeah... Abby apparently is allergic to everything. So out of nowhere she will speak in Hunter-esque allergyspeak for a scene but then it will randomly go away. It's horrible. I feel like this may have been mentioned before, but I had to vent about it again.

R said...

First time poster here. I just had to say that when I got rid of all my BSC books in the sad BSC purge of adolescence, this is the only one I kept because I had an AUTOGRAPHED ANN M. MARTIN COPY! (Gasp!) So this is the BSC book I've read more times than any other. For some reason I used to identify with Mallory when I was growing up, but this book convinced me that she is actually just...really, really lame.

Anonymous said...

Middle school gym. The first time we were supposed to shower after class. I think most of us opted for dousing ourselves with spray-on deorderant instead. Ozone layer, be damned.

Regarding your comment about age differences between siblings, I don't think a 10-year difference between the oldest and youngest is bad at all. I'm from a family of 6 kids and there's a 24 year difference between my oldest sister and my youngest sister. My 12 year old sister has a 12 year old nephew! :-)

Anonymous said...

I remember having to take swimming in middle school gym. The swimsuits were color-coordinated by size, so people knew what size you wore by the color of your suit. It was so great for middle school self-esteem issues.

Anonymous said...

*I* hated volleyball so much I just refused to bring gym clothes, so I sat out for volleyball. And failed. And everyone cried.

Really, it wasn't a big deal. Huge detentions and punishments?? Someones takes gym a little too seriously.

Caroline said...

I can't wait till someone says "If I wore a garbage bag as a raincoat I'd look homeless, but on Claudia it was totally cool." Or something to that effect.

angela said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica Wakefield said...

Mallory has man legs.

Heidi said...

Does Mal have a clubfoot??

Anonymous said...

She *does* have unusually large knees, compared to the boys'.

Mouse said...

I hate to be the devil's advocate but most of us were probably more like Mallory than the rest of the sitters when we were in middle school.

amalia said...

10 year sibling age difference is nothing. my oldest brother and i have a 29 year age difference....my nephew is 5 years older than me.

i think you should do an abby book soon, or have you already?

Ali said...

I used to like Mal because she liked books and hated gym and had glasses.

Now I realize what an annoying nerd I would have been, but I was saved because I liked to talk about boys, periods, and alcohol. Hehe.

Mal, suck it up!

Ponine said...

DO AN ABBY BOOK!!!

I looovveeed her when I was a kid, possibly because she had curly hair (none of them except for Mal did . . .and I hated her too much to love her due to the hair similaries)

Looking back I realize she sucked as much as the rest of 'em...

amanda said...

"I fished through the jumble of clothes until, way in the back, I found a one-piece denim jumpsuit. It had been a present for my last birthday. I never wear it. Not because I hate it or anything. It's just not me. It's a little too high-style or something."


Oh my god, this is hilarious! A one piece denim jumpsuit is high style?????? Mal is such a fuckwit!

Anonymous said...

ok

a)untill very recently i thought the third brother was "brian". i should have been tested for dyslexia as a child...

and

b) squirt (jessis brother) is totally an 'oops baby'

Michelle said...

Your blog never fails to crack me up! BTW, seeing as how much we all hate Mallory, I found a fic about her where everyone throws her a pity party...Completely bizzare while accurate...

"Claudia was wearing a huge piece of aluminum foil, held together by Scotch tape. Her tangled hair was pinned in a loose, sloppy knot, and she wore green lipstick and black eye shadow. Her nails were black, too. She wore green push-up socks and loafers that she had painted hot pink."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3663621/1/The_Pity_Party

Anonymous said...

Not to be totally lewd, but I completely agree with Squirt being the "oops" child. My best friend and I even joked that's why he was "really" called Squirt. Sorry, I know it's gross, but we were nasty little girls. Still kind of are...

Anonymous said...

Wow I just have to comment on two things. I know it's a cover and all and it's to make a point... but would a girl really just stand there while guys laughed and pointed from 1.75 feet away?

And WHAT is UP with the VOLLEYBALL NET being, like, 12 feet in the air? These kids are the size of 3rd graders or something.

Glamour Boy said...

This book seriously confused me when I was a kid.

All my gym classes had been co-ed in middle school. The whole boys-only pe and girls-only pe bit confused me, like, a lot.

I fucking hate Mallory.

Anonymous said...

"Mouse said...

I hate to be the devil's advocate but most of us were probably more like Mallory than the rest of the sitters when we were in middle school."

AMEN to that! And even then, who actually had anything resembling a boyfriend at age 11?

Anonymous said...

Mal was so embaressed about her brother's making kissing noises around Ben, yet she wasn't embaressed about being a complete baby during PE? She annoys me..

More annoying - FAKE AUSSIE ACCENT.
I do NOT speak like that

kiwimusume said...

I even joked that's why he was "really" called Squirt.

DEAD.

Gabri said...

I hated PE too. I was terrible at volley ball and one time they let us choose to play highly competitive, competitive or non-competitive (good, decent and suck ass). So I chose non-competitive and it was actually really fun until some highly competitive a-hole came striding over to "teach" us how to play, which basically meant berating and humiliating us until it wasn't fun anymore. Boy do I miss PE!
Mallory really is a tard though.

Anonymous said...

I am SUCH a nerd for saying this. In the Super Special where they all flashback to a childhood memory, Jessi's is about Squirt being born. It says how her parents had two miscarriages after Becca was born and Squirt was there last chance or something.

I sorta sympathized with Mal in this book because I HATED volleyball. But I had gym everyday (always co-ed) so I thought she was a wimp for complaining about having it a couple times a week. And for getting detention instead of dragging herself through like the rest of us nonathletic nerds had to do.

LemurCat said...

Count me as the weird athletic chick who actually like gym class and was good at sports.

Is it odd that I we always had coed gym? Then again, I went to Catholic school and only had 18 kids in my class. And even in high school (where we had 35 kids in our gym classes) we never had to shower. And we only had gym for one semester, because in our state our Religion class counted as gym.

And I too had forgotten my Mallory hate. Christ, what a dumbass.

Anonymous said...

I never realized how high that volleyball net was...wow!

Anonymous said...

the haircut was a "high and tight." My brother, and like every other guy I knew in Middle School had one.

Anonymous said...

Re: The post about Jessi remembering when Squirt was born

She wrote about it in a letter to her baby brother and basically she didn't want him to be born. Of course later she loves him and is the only one who can get him to stop crying (because she's soooo good with kids).

He's going to love reading that when he gets older.

Anonymous said...

has anybody ever noticed that even though thes girls are 11-13 not a single one of them seems to hit puberty, not on the covers, not in the books, the closest thing i reca is in kristys great idea 9#1) she says claud is sooo grown up cuz she weres a bra.

k8theGr8 said...

Tiff,
I totally just met your mom today at work. I work at the library in Milford, NH, and she walked up with three BSC books in her hand, mentioning that her daughter does a BSC blog. I just could not believe it because I read this blog all the time and have commented several times. So weird!

On a side note, I just found a BSC video (from the TV show) down in the book sale room at the library. "BSC Remembers," one of those horrible shows comprised of flashbacks to other episodes instead of creating a real episode. Might be worth a look!

Kate

Tiff said...

Yeah, she mentioned meeting somebody who reads my blog. When I first started, all my books came from Wadleigh. Obviously not now, as I live far away.

K said...

k8thegr8,

Weird, I work in Milford, NH too.

Laurie said...

Thank you so much for this one!!

Laurie said...

Thank you so much for this one!

I totally agree about the gym uniform. Mallory was just a whiny bitch.

Miriam (a.k.a Poppy Feilds) said...

This is a question for ‘Mouse’; did you review my story on fanfiction.net? “The Second Secret Life of Mary Anne Spier” the one where she becomes a chav? And you asked if I posted on livejournal? Was that you?

Anonymous said...

oh good! I hadn't seen you acknowledge Logan as being probably gay before... as far as I remember!

Anonymous said...

I was possibly the most unathletic person ever but volleyball was not the sport I hated the most. So while I appreciate that PE sucked I never really got why Mal made such a fuss about volleyball.

Alice said...

This was one of the few Mallory books I read. I think I probably read it because she doesn't look so fugly on the cover.

I super remember how the Hobarts thought that the Pikes' rec room was called "wreck room". Which, that's not because they're Australian, fucking no one has a rec room in their house.

Jessica said...

Aaaaah! Your blog is awesome. So many memories of being a fat, little reject tween of the early nineties who lived vicariously through a bunch of babysitting tools. Seriously, you make me want to dust off the old collection and spend my weekend sitting at home reading about the gang, eating cheetos and drinking CapriSun.

shelley said...

I always felt like the Pike parents were much cooler than their own kids....

And, sorry to say it, but I actually liked gym in middle school...maybe to some kids, I was the hott sporty chick in school...but probably not lol

ANY type of jumpsuit is a fashion tragedy...back then, now and ALWAYS!

Anonymous said...

Jumpsuits are back. I just saw one yesterday in a store that carries the latest trends. Hopefully this return will be mercifully short-lived.

I never could picture any of the jumpsuit outfits that the BSC wore.

Elizabeth

Anonymous said...

Pinnies? I always thought they were pennies. You know, the colored mesh things to differentiate the teams?

--Maybe this is just an example of how some people are incapable of saying a word right and have consequently let it mutate into a spelling disorder. People who say "melk" and "pellow" come to mind.

Mandi mandi_bear2004@yahoo.com (e-mail) said...

hey they are triplets not twins

Anonymous said...

I think Mallory is gayer than Dumbledore, if you know what I mean(not that there's anything wrong with that!) Also, Claudia's outfit in this one sounds freakin' hilarious!Like MC Hammer! Love, Sexy Sadie

Raine said...

Looking at this cover now, I'm getting major flashes of Daria. Possibly MTV employed some BSC fans?

I totally identified with Mal -- red hair, dorky, glasses, writer -- except for the billion siblings. As an only child, I was really jealous.

Zesty Cactus said...

"Mal and Ben trade brothers for an evening. AND THEIR PARENTS GO ALONG WITH IT!?!?!?!?!"

K, I read that and I actually said, out loud, "the fuck?"

Kylie said...

What I never believed was that Mrs Pike had triplets and then had another baby the following year. Since it takes 9 months for a baby to grow she must have got pregnant 3 - 6 months after having triplets. As well as having 1 year old Mallory who sounds like she would have been a whiny baby. When did she find time, and really if I'd just had triplets I'd be investing in a cast iron chastity belt and a ig knife. "If you even point that thing at me, I'm lopping it off!!"

bring said...

Man, does anyoe no where i can find some of these books??????????????? PUH-LEASE HELP! i have HEAPS but im still missing HEAPS! if u know what i mean.... pleaseeeeee help ive tried second hand stores but thats all i can find

bring said...

P.S PLEASE

bring said...

dammit, PLEASE HELP.... oh, yeah, i guess u can tell im desperate...

pfft. said...

Yeah, Mal. We all hate sport, but I don't go as far to get myself a billion detention and be a whining little bitch in front of everyone and to your teacher. I do it in PRIVATE with my friends in our annual 'bitch about sport' rant. So, yeah. My life is so interesting. suck it up mallory.

Anonymous said...

Oh, wow. Finally, a site that picks every one of these ridiculous things apart! I still read them, and now mostly it's to see if all the poster writes about on this site is true...I had to look for a long time before I found the typo (page 11) but it's there! Can't believe I never saw that before!
I used to think the BSC books were cool when I was about ten, but now, I can't imagine thinking they were cool; especially when I read this blog and see just how ridiculous it all was.
Great blog, by the way. Finally, someone who can write without a hundred typos and write a LOT! :P

Anonymous said...

Dammit Mallory. Nobody likes gym class! Do you KNOW how many times I got hit by a dodgeball in ninth grade? Suck it up. Just do what you have to do to pass and move the fuck on. Sorry gym class wasn't planned to personally suit YOU.