Sunday, August 12, 2007

Stace is also our resident New Yawka (she doesn't talk like one, though); or, BSC Super Special #10: Sea City, Here We Come!

Don't forget the exclamation point in the title! It's exciting! It really, really is! EXCITING!!!!! And summertime is fun time! Fun, I say! Fun, dammit!!!!!

Okay, before we get to the ridiculousness of this book, let's talk about the cover:

One, Mal is truly fug. She looks kinda like Napoleon Dynamite, only with girly hair and bigger glasses. Two, Dawn's fucking lit. Three, Claud and Stace are WILD! Look, they're screaming and stylish! Four, Kristy is totes in love with Stacey. Five, Jessi looks really normal, if a little older than eleven. Also, this book is set towards the end of the summer, like the beginning of August. And some of these idiots are wearing fucking sweaters. On the fucking beach. [Sure, maybe they're just long sleeve tees, but they look like sweaters, and it's stupid either way. So there!]

Now, this has a monstrously complicated plot, even for a Super Special. Seriously, how many fucking plot lines need to be in one book?  [And, as an aside, why on earth did ANM think her readers wanted chapters from the point of view of the kiddies? Sometimes Jeff, sometimes one Pike kid or another, fucking Karen. And they're so stupid! I didn't care, even when I was closer in age to those kids. I only read these books for the "teenagers." I wanted dates and clothes and bitchy classmates. I didn't give a shit about the kids they sat for, and I care even less now. Okay, back to our regularly scheduled bitching...]

The set-up: The Pikes are going on their yearly jaunt to Sea City, and this year, Mal and Jessi are going to be the mother's (or "parents'") helpers. And Stacey's going to be the Barretts' mother's helper. Then, the Pikes invited the rest of the BSC to stay for the second week of their vacation. I'm not sure why. Or how they can fit more girls. Or if the BSC are paying their own way or what. Details and logic are somewhat lacking. Oh, and Logan's going there for a long(?) weekend, too. And they're all getting there because Mrs. Barrett's boy toy, Mr. Harris, is bringing his offspring for the weekend. I think that's it...But don't think that it's that simple. Because there's a fucking hurricane that knocks out the causeway to Sea City, trapping the BSC!!!! [Hurricane? Check. Snowstorm? Check. Shipwrecked? Check. Tornado? Check. Hmmm...Earthquake? Did they ever deal with an earthquake?]

The individual "stories:"

Jessi: She's trying to be a super sitter, for reasons that are never really explained [imagine that]. I guess it's to prove herself or something. And there's this whole stupid thing with Margo and Claire wanting to enter a big fancy sand castle contest, but the hurricane intervenes in a total cop-out.

Mal: Toby asks her out, so she completely forgets about her "steady boyfriend" Ben Hobart. In the end, though, she decides to be "true" to Ben and decides not to go on the date. And she thinks Stacey is jealous of her...[because Stacey really wants to be lame, dumb, ugly, and retarded.]

Stacey: She's miserable, because Mrs. Barrett is a spaz. On the drive to Sea City, Mrs. B's a fucking wreck. Actually, she's kind of a fucking wreck the whole trip. And Stace is all kinds of fighty with Mal. [Has anyone else noticed that the second Stacey gets to Sea City, she turns into a raging bitch? Fightin' with her friends, shirking her responsibilities, whining and moaning, that sort of thing.]

Dawn: She and Mary Anne run a fucking day camp before they leave. And Dawn decides that the last activity will be a sleepover. In her barn. Cause she's a fucking moron. And she makes up more to the Jared Mullray [is that right? I keep thinking it's Mullaney. Nope, I checked. It's Mullray.] ghost story. And she tells it to a group of children. Cause she's downright stupid.

Mary Anne: Yeah, all the stuff with Dawn. Plus, Sea City's all romantic for her and Logan or whatever.

Logan: He's wicked jealous of Alex (remember him from previous Sea City adventures?), especially cause he thinks that M.A. and Alex are getting all kinds of hurricane close. And he welcomes Mary Anne back to Stoneybrook with a horse and carriage. Cause he's thirteen. [Coincidentally, one of his busboy coworkers can help him set it up. Again, he's thirteen!!!! Who's going to hire him, even as a busboy??? It's not legal!!!!]

Claudia: Goes to summer school!!!! Ha ha!!!! And she makes some non-BSC friends that are never heard from again...

Kristy: Rather than forfeit (or attempt to reschedule) her Krushers game (because a bunch of her players are on vacation), she recruits a bunch of kids from her neighborhood to play. And, predictably, they lose.

Yeah. Them's the major points. Now, for everything else...[And there's a lot of crap in this...]

  • Woo, candy taste test.

  • The BSC is a success because they're "a well-run organization (also because [they] happen to be nice and charming and responsible)." Charming is not a word I would use for, well, any of the BSC. But especially not Kristy.

  • "That Friday, for instance, she was wearing ripped cut-off jeans held up by a frayed rope belt, a T-shirt with the collar torn off, hug white socks all bunched around the ankle, and old-fashioned black lace-up shoes. She looked totally cool." I love when Claud rocks the hobo-chic look.

  • Mary Anne's hair continuity seems to be particularly difficult for the ghostwriters.

  • "At our Friday meeting she was wearing this white T-shirt that hung practically to her knees (Stacey calls it a "jersey tunic" or something), white stretch pants ("ribbed leggings" [for her pleasure?]) to mid-calf, a tan leather belt over the T-shirt, and leather-strap sandals." Um...sounds flattering?

  • Also, I would tend to think the "Big D" would be death, not divorce. But I am sort of morbid.

  • Um, actually, Logan is the jealous type.

  • Ha, Claud jokes that summer school helped her learn how to count! She's so clever! Cracking jokes about "enducational" experiences. Ha!

  • Um, they really hold all the summer school classes from all grades in the high school? And the "scary" delinquents actually show for summer school?

  • Carly, one of Claud's summer school friends does watercolors and pottery. She even has a pottery wheel. Because so many parents would spend that kind of money on their 13-year-old's hobbies.

  • Dude, you go to the same school, and your school is not that big. It shouldn't be that hard to stay friends, no matter "how strong [your] BSC friendships" are.

  • This time around, [the pressure's on. You hope for happiness, your hands are scarred...Oops, sorry. Lapsed into Luna for a minute.], the Pikes decide to rent a van and only take one of their station wagons. Cause they're transporting almost the entire BSC back to the 'Brook.

  • They get all kinds of weepy when they'll be separated for (only) a whole week. They don't even know.

  • Thanks, Mal. I'm sure Dawn really wants to know about Nicky's puke and the aftermath, just as much as I do. Wait, I don't.

  • Mal is all "my fam's soooo immature. They're counting people picking their noses in their cars." [Well, not in so many words.] Shut up, Mal. They're fucking children. They're not supposed to be mature.

  • Woot! Remember car phones?

  • Heh. Weiner's Wieners. Ah, gotta love a dick joke in a book for young ladies.

  • Ooh, foreshadowing...The causeway got washed out during a storm "ages ago."

  • Ever notice how the BSCers really like moms who are pretty? According to Stacey, Mrs. Barrett "is, like, stunning. She seems younger than a lot of moms. She wears the coolest clothes, which look great on her incredible Cosmo-model figure. Her hair is a gorgeous chestnut color, with natural curls that spill to her shoulders." Yep, she must be a good person, cause she looks like she could be a model in, of all things, Cosmo.

  • You'd think these dumb bitches would figure out that none of their carefully planned activities for large groups of children will ever go off with out a hitch. They seem soooooo surprised that things go all wonky. When large groups of kids are involved. Dumbasses.

  • Apparently, I really should read The Lorax.

  • Charlotte is the most serious and mature kid that Dawn knows, so she shouldn't ever lose her shit? She's, what, 8? Even if she's mature and serious, she should still laugh.

  • Wow, an 8-year-old having panic attacks?

  • Bart "is seriously cute. He has deep brown eyes. His smile is a little crooked, and his hair looks naturally as if he just stepped out of a stylist's." He sounds like he's in a boy band.

  • Gotta love the rich kid names. Um, they call S. Emerson Pinckney IV "Quad" because he's the fourth, and quad means 4. And P. Archibald Pinckney, or "Moon." Um, aren't they a little young to do the first initial and middle name thing? Wouldn't they do the first and middle? Or just the middle? Why the initial? Did ANM use the last name Nofziger in some other book?

  • Blah, Margo tries to charge admission to a tide pool.

  • I hate the "clever" store names.

  • Mmmm, falafel. Though the sauce usually isn't the dominant smell.

  • Dawn's just makin' shit up in her ghost story.

  • Completing summer school doesn't make you not stupid. Just sayin'.

  • Kristy, rescheduling a game isn't quitting.

  • Um, they're letting Logan and Mary Anne stay in the same house for the weekend, without any real adult supervision. And Richard's okay with that? My ass. He won't even let Logan go in the house with Mary Anne when no adults are home. You'd think he would've had to stay with the Barretts and the Harrises, especially since he's leaving with the Harrises.

  • They have a fucking BSC "meeting." Cause heaven forbid they just hang out like normal girls.

  • Jealous Logan thinks Alex's looks are "solid."

  • The stuffed penguin is the most realistic part of this illustration:

  • These bitches know entirely too much about I Love Lucy.

  • Everyone can be competitive at mini golf, not just boys.

  • "I have red hair and freckles to begin with, so I look like a ripe, hairy tomato when I blush." Tell me again why Toby thinks Mal's cute...

  • And suddenly Mal's "in love" with Toby. Ben who?

  • Lameass circus.

  • "He'd draw inward, which isn't like Logan at all." Actually, it is. These girls are so fucking deluded about Logan's personality.

  • I hate the stupid little kid insults. Fucking stupid.

  • Claud's just jocking about dying in the hurrycan.

  • Fucking Claud. She's worried about what clothes to bring while they're being evacuated. "I was wearing the only long pants I had packed, these overdyed navy jeans. I was also wearing a loose black cotton sweater over a white tank top. [Um, dark navy and black? And, again, it's fucking August, storm or not.] So if I packed my big purple Hawaiian shorts, which were the next warmest pants, I'd be stuck having to wear an orange striped shirt, which was the only long-sleeved one I'd brought. Unless I wore the sweater again over it..." I tend to over pack, but that's fucking redonk.

  • Dude, they don't have Marnie in a car seat during the evacuation?!?!?

  • "And there was certainly nothing normal about being stranded on an island at sea." Um, except it kind of is, for the BSC.

  • And, of course, Karen lets us know how the hurricane rolls through Stoneybrook.

  • Buddy decides his mom is cool. That might change when all his friends hang at his place because they all drool over her "Cosmo-model" figure.

  • I really don't like picturing this: "Remember when we went into the haunted house, and the lights went out? I pulled you close. You put your arms around my shoulder. We turned to each other and started to kiss." Yep, M.A. will be the first girl in their class to "go all the way."

  • "Claudia found me a pair of barrettes in the shape of flamingoes--but cool, not corny-looking. Then we bought about ten tiny buttons with pictures on them. The faces included Virginia Woolf, Jimi Hendrix, Stephen Hawking [the fuck?], and Janis Joplin, but Claud didn't know who any of them were. She just picked them because they looked 'funky.'" I doubt Mal knows most of those, either. Um, and spell check says that it's spelled flamingos. And they're always kinda corny looking.

  • Mal's big date outfit: "I ended up choosing a short, flared, white-on-blue polka-dotted skirt (mine); a white, ribbed tanktop (Jessi's); and a long, royal-blue men's shirt with the tails tied in front (Claudia had run to her room for that)...We carefully placed some of the buttons we'd bought on the tanktop." Dude, tank top is either two words or a hyphenate. Is Jessi the only one with a wife beater? And why would you put the buttons on the tank, not the shirt worn over the tank???? The illustrator agrees with me:

  • Mal's pretty fickle, if she hasn't thought about Ben once. And how much could she really like him if that's the case?

  • "Aloiv." Fucking fake Aussie accent.

  • Dude, Stacey is updating her dad on her friends' love lives. For real?

  • The book totally ends with Toby scamming for Jessi's address!!!!!

Holy fucking crap this book sucked big time.

Not sure what's coming up next week...


Anonymous said...

-ugh, i love it. i seem to remember buddy barrett getting all offended because some dude called him "buddy," and didn't know it was his real name.
-toby likes mallory? hello downgrade.
-tiff, love what you're doing here. can you review #83 (stacey vs. the BSC)? i'd love to see what you think about stacey turning into a raging bitch. (i'll mail it to you if you don't have it ...seriously).

K.E.N. said...

stephen hawking on a pin...

i agree with your "the fuck?" comment.

Alison said...

Isn't Mrs. Barrett's bf's name Mr. Dewitt, not Mr. Harris? Or is this a different guy? I remember her marrying a dude named Franklin Dewitt, and one of his kids was named Ryan, which made a Ryan Dewitt in Stoneybrook and one in CA, because Dawn also babysat for a Ryan Dewitt.

Anna said...

My high school's summer school was not just cross-grade but open to the whole district. Anyone from the four high schools (or going into the four high schools that fall) all went to the same middle school to take classes.

I'm not sure if every single class was open to every grade, though- I only took health class as it wasn't going to fit into my schedule otherwise.

Is this the one with the ketchup and mustard pre-mixed at the burger joint, or was that another Sea City issue?

sikamikanico said...

Funnily enough, if Stacey's leggings were black and the dress was grey, her outfit would be the most 2007-fashionable (at least the Winter 07 look inm Australia) thing I've ever heard of her wearing

Anonymous said...

How many trips to Sea City can the BSC take and still be in the 8th grade? The first trip was the summer after 7th grade, so the next one should have been the summer after 8th grade (the trip where Stacey and Mary Anne met up with their "summer loves" again and Mary Anne discovered that *gasp* you can be friends with a boy and not date him). But no, they were still in 8th grade after that trip. Now another summer trip? If ANM wouldn't age the girls, she (or her ghostwriters) could at least have made all of the stories take place during unnamed times of the school year instead of throwing in summer vacation.

Mary Anne always looks like a hideous ghoul in the illustrations. Maybe she should have listened to the BSC and not gotten that horrible bowl haircut.

Anonymous said...

Why did Stacey become a nasty bitch whenever she went to Sea City? One of the great mysteries of the BSC.

Annie said...

Ugh, I hated most of the super specials. I never understood how or why all the girls got to go on each other's family vacations. There was no way in hell my parents would agree to take a bunch of my friends with us.

As for the J. Emerson Pickering or whatever his full name was, I know tons of people who go by their middle name (myself included). It's very common in the south. BUT we only use our first initial in writing. And as a kid, I never used my first initial for anything, I people just called me by my middle name.

Anonymous said...

I remember thinking Logan was the cutest, sweetest guy ever back when I read these... but now it does seem like he's a huge jerk...

You're gonna have to do that one where Logan tells a story (I think it's called, obviously, "Logan's Story"... she also wrote one for Shannon, that other alternate member who you never hear about?). I seem to recall something about a "gang" in Stoneybrook, and they're trying to recruit/blackmail Logan, and there's a threatening note involving MaryAnn drawn as a mouse. Seriously.

keri said...

Dude, what's up with these illustrations? MA and Logan look nothing like 13 years old in the one, and likewise with the cover. No wonder I was convinced that these kids were 15 or 16 or 17 when I was reading them, back at age eight.

Also, wow, Mallory is really really fugly.

megan said...

Yea, Mr Harris is really Mr Dewitt. Ghostwriters like to mess crap up lol

Anonymous said...

A ripe, hairy tomato? In a fourth-grade level book? Priceless!

andrea said...

Besides the drawing of MA and Logan, the most memorable part of this book for me was the description of Nicky's puking, mostly because I couldn't drink milkshakes for a while after that. Yuck. Thanks Mal.

Anonymous said...

logan is homosexual. like, not even joking. he liked men. why couldn't mary-anne see that????

boo! said...

About the first name as initial thing:

I had a professor my freshman year of college whose first name was H. That was it. There was also a J. thrown in there too after his middle name that didn't stand for anything.
It is kind of odd though.

I always hated this book, or any mention of Sea City. While I loved the BSC, I didn't want them in my state.

Jessica Wakefield said...

Wait, what? Toby likes Mal? As in, he's thirteen and she's eleven? Never in a million years.

Was Scott the lifeguard around?

Anonymous said...

I’m surprised none of the BSC got all pissy at Claud for having “other friends.”

And if I was Mallory I totally would have dumped Ben for Toby… Or I just wouldn’t have told Ben…but wait! They are eleven! Dates? Steady boyfriends? WTF!!!

Ben sounds just as gross as Mallory, they always describe him as a girl version of her…and that’s just wrong…kind of incestuous, no?

And Claud…how bout instead of fretting over which to pack, your Hawaiian shorts or your orange striped top…burn them both because they sound fugly.

LOL a Steven Hawking badge! I gotta get me one of those, they sound so sexy! And I guess Mallory might know who Virginia Woolf was, (even though that sort of literature isn’t the same as Saddle Club and mouse stories), but Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin? Does AMM know anything about eleven year olds? Oh wait, don’t answer that…dates, steady boyfriends, looking after infants….

I don’t even know what "Aloiv." Is supposed to be….

k8theGr8 that particular Logan book was “Logan Bruno, Boy-Babysitter” (even though there is hardly any baby-sitting in it) and he also has one called “Logan’s Story” when he gets teased for baby-sitting (this book should really be called “Logan Bruno, Boy-Babysitter”, not the other way around). Anyways, I just read that one recently and it is soooooo lame. And Logan is either really na├»ve or a complete moron in it…and one of the “bad boys” name is T-Jam! And this makes him cool? And the mouse drawing…OMG I laughed out loud! I wonder if they got Mal to draw it for them.

Margie said...

What I want to know is why the fuck they changed Mr. Harris to Mr. Dewitt after, like, three whole books where his name was Harris? Gahhh.

And I don't think the BSC was ever in an earthquake, but maybe that can be my new fanfiction. BSC goes to San Francisco and falls down a crack to the center of the earth...

And is Stacey about to throw up on the cover? Or maybe it's her O face.

Margie said...

Also, Stacey's white jersey shirt outfit makes her sound like Luke Skywalker a la 1977.

L.M. said...

Here's what I find awesome: the fact that "Hurricane Bill" is totally based off "Hurricane Bob," an actual hurricane that struck New England (and North Carolina) in 1991, killing ten people:

P.S. First time poster, long time reader! Love your blog! And Book 10 was one of my FAVORITES - I can still remember the scary details of when the BSC runs through the hurricane to the gym for shelter.

And I want a Stephen Hawking pin!!!

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who has noticed the following about the illustration of MA and Logan:

(1) That Logan looks like he's cupping his pipsqueak?

(2) And appears to be hung like a gerbil?

(3) Have you ever met a thirteen year old boy who was so...relaxed...around his girlfriend? While alone on vacation? With limited parental supervision?

(4) That MA consistently looks..."special" in the Special Edition illustrations?

Mary Ann said...

Wow, that Mary Anne and Logan illustration... is it just me or does Logan look more like a girl than Mary Anne?

I think I must have read this one a million times back in the day because so many memories are coming back to me from this one.

Like, I remember always looking out for people in cars picking their nose after Mallory's brothers and sisters were playing that game on the way to Sea City... only I never saw anyone doing it.

And I think I remember this one part where Karen wakes up after the hurricane and hears the radio announcer saying that they are clearing debris from the main roads and arteries and she asks Watson whose arteries they are clearing "brie" out of or something like that... dumb bitch... I always hated Karen.

kiwimusume said...

I never knew what I Love Lucy was, I always thought it was something that was popular when the books were being written. I've just Wikipediaed it, and now I'm off to bang my head against a hard surface.

I mean really. 13- and 11-year-olds in the EIGHTIES. Watching a TV show from the fucking FIFTIES. Did these bitches never watch anything recent?

Anonymous said...

Heh...Toby was actually 15 in this book. What normal 15 year old would WANT to date a not-too-pretty 11 year old???

Anonymous said...

Hmm ... and I would think that the "big D" refers to something else entirely ...

Samantha said...

Hey, how can you hate on I Love Lucy? I've loved that show all my life. That's not so far-fetched.

Anonymous said...

How fucked is it that every other Pike gets a vacation and Mal has to be a babysitter?
That's what you get for being so ugly, I guess.

Anonymous said...

All who read the BSC realize how ridiculous it was (8th grade for 14 years?) But I'm confused about why you hate it so much to spend so much time ripping it apart? Did you have a horrible childhood? I laugh at how many books/videos I have, but the truth was, when I was 10, I loved it and my guess is you did to. Why ruin it?

Mia said...

Lighten up, anon. The operative phrase in your defense is "when I was 10." We all loved the BSC when we were 10. Now we're in our mid to late-twenties and it's entertaining to make fun of it.

other anon - Yes, Mary Anne looks especially special in these illustrations, but not as special as Mallory and Kristy look on the cover of the shipwrecked Super Special.

Anonymous said...

i always thought mallory's "cool" date outfit was so gross, even when i was ten. and in the illustration it looks like she's wearing a sports bra.

miriam, ben was indeed a girl version of mallory, which is so odd because doesn't she spend so much time agonizing over her looks? she hates her red hair, freckles, glasses, etc. ben has freaking red hair, freckles, and glasses! that's just creepy.

Anonymous said...

LOL - boy version, it should be.

Jimbrayfan said...

Logan is thinking about sex in that illustration..

Anonymous said...

To anna: I think this is the one about the "special sauce" made of ketchup and mustard...that's the only thing that really sticks out in my mind about this book.

Anonymous said...

lol, yeah sorry, I meant “boy version”, but hey you never know……..

To Anon who said : But I'm confused about why you hate it so much to spend so much time ripping it apart?

Well actually, I still shamelessly love the BSC. I even write FANFICTION about it for fucks sake (heh, but this mainly involves me writing stories about the characters all growing up to be homosexual). However I feel that my adoration for the BSC gives me the right to make fun of it every so often.

I think all of us here still hold a place in our hearts for the BSC, or else why would we care enough to be here?

Kiwimusume, I never knew what I Love Lucy was either, and then one day during the holidays I was bored and flipping through the channels on TV and it was on channel one (of course). And I was so excited because I always read about it in the BSC books, but when I watched it I was all WTF?? I couldn’t even watch the whole episode it was so lame. But maybe it was because I was a little kid and didn’t get the humour…but then again, the BSC wouldn’t have been that much older than me so…WTF??

kiwimusume said...

@samantha - Hey, like I say, I've never watched the show, so I can't pass judgement on the show itself. I'm sure it's good. I was more headdesking at the fact that these bitches only seem to watch shows (and read books, and listen to music) from the 50s and 60s. What the fuck is up with that? Surely they must watch some recent stuff?

Margie said...

I loved the BSC in my youth and I still love it now. We make fun of it because it's funny to look back on how cool we thought it was at the time, but we still love it even though it's cheesy.

stephanie said...

I always wished there would be a Super Special that involved alcohol or smoking cigarettes. Damn it, I wished someone started smoking cigarettes. And, alas, there wasn' least not in my time.

Anonymous said...

There were cigarettes in Kristy and the Copycat (and I only know that because I read it this weekend). Kristy's softball 'friends' smoke, and she goes off briefly about how it's bad for athletes. But considering how many smokers started in their early teens, it would've been a fun topic.

As for Mal babysitting her way through vacation...that is screwed up. No wonder she's so whiny. Her parents treat her like a servant, not a daughter.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and also there was alcohol in “Stacey and the bad girls” but she doesn’t have any because of her diabetes…and coz it’s bad. Notice how none of our heroines do any of the smoking or drinking, it’s always some other kid who is the “bad influence” (which predictably leads to the ‘moral of the story’). Also in California Diaries, there was alcohol in several of the books and Sunny gets drunk, but of course precious Dawn won’t touch the stuff. Although this was smart of Dawn and Stacey and Kristy, it’s pretty unlikely that if they were in a peer pressured situation like that, that they wouldn’t give in, especially when they are the only ones refusing to do it.

Rebecca said...

So, is this the same Toby that Stacey kisses in "Boy Crazy Stacey?" The one who wore a blue headband and a shirt with cowboy boots on it? (I obviously have not read this super special.) :)

Anonymous said...

About Toby wanting to go out with Mal even though she was younger than he was...dude, that's not even that weird.
I know a 15 year old girl who is dating a 22 year old

And a 16 year old dating a 20 year old...and they "dated" when she was 11 and he was 15

Fucking weird. And the guys are just, well, losers, they're like, "Hey baby, I love you so much, wanna move into my mum's house with me?" I'm grossed out.

Anonymous said...

Toby was such a creep when he was in town in the BSC Friends Forever book where all of Stacy's exes are converging at the same place on the same day. I think it was Friends Forever #6. Now that one would be a hoot to read the mockery off due to the bitchiness between Stacy/Claudia for Stacy stealing her man, plus then Stacy being a bitch for having six guys all at the age of 13 who she was "in luv" with (Sam, Toby, Ethan, Robert, Jeremy, Wes the teacher crush...)

But yeah...Toby was REALLY a creep in that book.

Glamour Boy said...


Okay, I grew up reading these too, and I loved them growing up. (Yes, being a boy, I probably shouldn't have, but hey, I'm gay. I think that gives me a bit of leeway, don't you think? :P)

Seriously, though, reading through your's some of the funniest fucking things I have read online.

It had me rolling and spewing cherry coke out onto my monitors.

I can't wait for more! :D

ickistickivicki said...

O...M...G, I just found this blog, and I LOVE IT! I went absolutly NUTS over the BSC when I was a kid (I'm 22 now) and I thought I was the only one. None of my friends liked these books, and they would totally make fun of me for reading them.
I'm at work right now, and I keep laughing out loud (and getting weird stares from everyone) because after reading this blog, I realize just how lame some of these books are. Oh well, I still [heart] them!
So I guess I wasn't the only one who wondered how these girls were able to go on so many diffrent vacations (Hawaii, Calli x2, a cruise to the Caribbean!) and have so much shit happen to them. And all within 2(?) years (did they every move on to high school???)

Annie said...

What I can't figure out is why just about every single outfit had to include a man's, WTF?

veronica said...

Pink flamingos in Mal's red hair? Yikes.

Amalia said...

didn't karen call herself a two-two or something lame like that? i hate her. and her different colored glasses.

Artemis said...

Karen Two-Two. She had a big house and a little house! (I bet her mother loved hearing that.)

The Stephen Hawking button is hilarious.

The closest to an earthquake was the BSC Across the USA one where a streetcar goes by and MA thinks it's an earthquake and rushes for a doorway. And everyone, including Dawn's dad, laughs at her mercilessly.

Mia said...

Annie - I know, right?! Everyone was always wearing some version of an oversized white shirt. Button-down, t-shirt, tunic, whatever... always the same damn thing. And it was always dibbly cooly-high fresh.

ickistickivicki said...

I totally hated Karen too. I read the first couple of books in her series and I thought she was a spoiled know-it-all little shit(didn't she skip a few grades?). Whenever she talked in the BSC books I just wanted to tell her to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I never watched the BSC movie that came out (mid 90s?); how acurate was it vs. the books???

locust said...

Oh sweet Lord!!!! My cousin just discovered this blog and led me to it. I haven't read all the entries yet, but I'm working my way through them and I just LOVE the way that you seem to get progressively more angry and bitter as you work your way through the series. That's kind of the way I felt when I was reading them back in the day. My cousin and I were just emailing a few weeks ago about how we were obsessed with Kid Kits and how we wanted so badly to have our own BSC. She even made up fliers and gave one to our youth minister (the only person she babysat for) and she said he looked at her like "what the..........?". The sarcastic, bitchy, overly analytical tone of these entries is my utopia!!! I couldn't wait till I was old enough to babysit and I got my first babysitting job at age 14. Unfortunately, it was for this slutbag of a mom who had me come over at 7pm and said she would be home at 11pm. She gave me a phone number if I needed her and her bitch ass never answered the phone and she didn't get home till 4 in the fucking morning!!! Plus, the bitch only paid me 11 dollars!!!! That ended my dreams of having my own BSC.

Jodi said...

Could you start including the year of publication on these books?

Anonymous said...

locust, I was obsessed with Kid Kits too! I made my own and just played with it myself because I didn't baby-sit. I know, sad. I had Barbies and books and colors and puzzles, just really good stuff, and decorated the outside...ah the good ol' days.

Anonymous said...

Was this the Heath vs. Skor bar blind taste-test, or a different candy test?
Man, I love these books.

Anonymous said...

I think it's amazing how Mary Anne can sport a camel toe in such baggy shorts

Also... what in the hell is Logan doing with his hands?

Ali said...


I knew someone named "S. Stafford." His first name was S, and he went by Stafford (his middle name).

I'm beginning to think that the BSC just hanging out = meeting, even if they're not taking calls or discussing babysitting.

I always found it odd that MA had a steady bf since she's the shy kind of..."plain" friend. Am I sensing that she gets her self esteem from how boys see her? Maaaaybe?

Josie said...

Love the blog, so much in fact that I am actually going to post a comment. My first, actually. For what it is worth, Tiff, yours is the first blog I have come across that I like well enough to read all of the archives and post a reply. thanks for the entertainment, and I love your sense of humor.

Having spent a lot to time around 15 year old boys when I was young, I could take a guess at what Toby sees in Mallory. She's not too bright, not too pretty, and has fairly low self-esteem, thus she would be great for make-out practice. That way, when he's managed to work his way up to older girls, he has somewhat mastered his "moves". And Mallory gets to feel like she's mature and special. 'cuz guys tell girls crap like that when they want a little action.

MA and Logan: I think they are both gay and just don't understand it yet. MA is one of the few that EVER comments on the other girls bodies, and Logan is WAY too relaxed around girls to be straight. just sayin'.

And way do these girls never make any comments about the guys' butts?!? When I was 13, my friends and I were obsessed with checking out male butts. come to that, I still am.

colleenn said...

I remember having no clue what "jersey tunic" was supposed to mean. And stupid Margo with her stupid "beach zoo" and the sign that said "Maureen Life."

So, I am a total loser and while I was visiting friends in San Jose last week I randomly found used BSC books while my fiance and I were exploring Berkeley one day. At one store I got so excited because I found one of those box sets for books 17-20, but then I took it out of the shelf only to find it filled with four Sleepover Friends books instead (which I never got into). But I did find #18 (Stacey's Mistake) floating loose on the shelves, so like the pathetic loser that I am, I bought the book and the partially empty box, hoping to track down books 17 and 19-20 later. :P

Then another book store we stopped into had The Ghost At Dawn's House, so I now own two of the earlier books that I'd just borrowed from the library as a kid. But this store also had three of the later books from after I'd stopped reading the series.. Stacey McGill, Super Sitter; Stacey the Math Whiz; and Abby the Bad Sport. They also had Super Special #2 there, but I already own that one. I read Stacey McGill, Super Sitter on the plane ride home. I'm not making an "official" review request, but this book would make excellent snark material. It had everything... lame outfits, nonsensical plot, Logan and MA acting way older than 13, baby-sitting charges getting way too involved with their baby-sitters' personal lives, and a reference to Keanu Reeves. What more could you ask for in a BSC book? I only wish I had remembered to pack California Girls with me to read on the plane ride out there.

Alea said...

I stumbled upon your lost on Monday and I had to read every single entry before commenting!

My god did I love this series, I was very reluctant to stop reading it but one day at school I was reading during recess in 6th or 7th grade(as I was wont to do)and I look down the wall and see like a second grader reading the same book. I knew then it was over. At the bookstores I would get very down when I saw a new book had come out.

It looks like we both stopped reading the series around the same time so remembering with you has been a blast from the way past.

A little confession...I used to want to BE Claudia when i was a kid (sans sh*tty spelling). God I thought her clothes were so cool.

Thanks for the memories, I look forward to the next review.


Anonymous said...

Man, I remember this one. Mostly I remember wondering why MA and Logan *didn't* get it on in this one (this clearly being before the Logan-is-gay epiphany). Ah, to be ten years old again.

Anonymous said...

I remember reading that ANM based the character of Mary Anne on herself... so maybe ANM was living vicariously through her character... wanting a boyfriend... wanting to go "wild" with a new haircut... etc...

kiwimusume said...

Wasn't Stacey McGill Super Sitter the one with the diabetic kid who used to fake an insulin attack every time someone made her do something she didn't want to? God, I really want to reread that now.

colleenn said...

Yes, that was the Super Sitter book. That plot point was never really resolved so much either actually. Like Stacey drops a hint to her about how you shouldn't expect to be treated differently because of your disease, but then the issue never comes back up at all and just kind of gets lost among all the other ridiculous plot points.

Ange! said... This summer I had planned to re-read the entire series but got caught up in the Harry Potter mania. :-P But, in response to the commenter who said ANM based MA on herself, ANM is in fact a lesbian (I believe she lives with her partner in upstate NY?) so saying MA might be gay isn't that much of a leap.

Anonymous said...

So Kristy and Mallory definitely grew up to be lesbians, Mary Anne shows lesbian tendencies, and Logan grew up gay.

Any other homosexual characters I'm missing?

Anonymous said...

You forgot Byron Pike...and possibly Abby and even Dawn.

Poppet said...

Out of all the super specials, this was the one I hated the most (possibly minus the one with the shipwreck). I hated Mallory so much. Ha.
I really enjoy reading your blog - it never fails to make me smile. If you ever want some UK BSC editions just let me know:)
- Sara.

Anonymous said...

Ann M. definitely has said in the past that she based MA on herself, and Kristy was based on her best friend, Beth. (Wow, I know too much about this series.)

Wiki said citation was needed for Ann M. being gay/in a relationship--is this definitely true?

kiwimusume said...

Miriam, where do you post your fics about the adult!gay!Babysitters? I'm dying to have a look at them...

Anonymous said...

LOL! Ok, I will give you the link to my profile. That’s so funny you asked because I was just about to add a new chapter to my fic about Byron and Logan!

There’s not much porn ;) in my BSC stories…I reserve that for my other childhood love…The Mighty Ducks. I only write slash. he he.

I also have a parody about Mary Anne moving to England and becoming a's really fucked up. It’s pretty much Mary Anne being a gigantic moron and Dawn being a psychotic freak…but I have gotten the most reviews (and hits) for it than any other story!...weird.

Ange! said...

Parade magazine (the supplement that's inserted in the Sunday paper) had an article about Ann M Martin this past summer and that's where I got the info that ANM has a same sex partner. At least, I'm about 100 percent sure it was Parade. I read it while I was visiting my parents. I believe the article was in the issue that had Emma Watson on the "cover".

Anonymous said...

Kristy is definitely checking out Stacey in that picture, and Dawn looks like she is as well.

Mary Anne looks like a boy with her haircut, which is possibly why Logan is attracted to her.

Elise said...

Love the blog BTW - have been reading for a while without posting.

Pure acid, makes my week.


Ive always wondered....why does everyone refer to Ann as ANM instead of AMM?

alpha_mushi said...

I HATE the face Australia accent.

Everytime I read it I was like 'I. Do. NOT. TALK LIKE THAT!!!!!!'

alpha_mushi said...


You all knew what I meant

Anonymous said...

Tiff started calling her ANM because it's . . . actually, I have no idea why. But because we all love Tiff, we just started saying it too.

Anonymous said...

Mal looks much fatter then Toby, cos of all the layers.And they actually think she looks attractive like that? They're always saying that Claudias outfits would only look good on Claudia. So why attempt one on Mal, which AMM makes clear is the ugliest BSCer? And flamingo slides? Pink next to red hair? Talk about clashing- again, I thought Claudia had fashion sense, and 'can see colours in a way that no one else can'? You don't have to be an artist to known the plastic pink birds in red frizzy hair look weird.

Kylie said...

Mallorys gay too, cause in the latter books shes all I hate boys and goes to a girls only school to get away from them

Anonymous said...

I think it is really weird how Mrs. Barrett confused Stacey with Dawn. Wasn't Dawn the one who reforms the kids? So why wouldn't she ask Dawn to come to Sea City instead of Stacey. Dawn was after all, the one who Mrs. Barrett called a "wonder". The ghostwriter's got it totally wrong!

creativemachine said...

Poor girls... srsly, i read somewhere that by the time the whole series wrapped up, if it were real time, they WOULD HAVE BEEN 28 BY THE TIME THEY GRADUATED MIDDLE SCHOOL
15 years as a 13 year old?? oh HEEEELLLL noo.

Vword: rearrum
where AMM pulled this entire series out of... and LS for that matter, oh and Cali.D as well.

creativemachine said...

Also, as far as these Super Specials go, i only read the one where they go on a cruise in the Bahamas, and then to DisneyLand for a few days. Glad i didn't read this one tho... sounds positively pukeworthy.

Vword: Dizooks - another random fashion trinket that only Claudia seems to know about.

Oh an also, those buttons on Mal's jacket in the drawing, WFT? i mean i know she wore glasses, but srsly, even SHE could have seen how crap that looked...couldn't she?

Oh wait, i forgot... she's Mal. That says it all, i think

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Anonymous said...

in the penguin pic Logan is holding his crotch

metamorphstorm said...

I thought Mrs. Barrett married Franklin DeWitt, not Franklin Harris. And yet, both Franklins have the same exact children's names for their four exact same kids. Huh? I hate that part. Silly ghostwriters.

I love this blog. It rocks!

viagra price said...

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mary said...

yes, you're right...Mrs. Barett's boyfriends name changed for some odd reason, but for only that book. It's DeWitt, and his first name is Franklin.

metamorphstorm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
metamorphstorm said...

@Stephanie, 6:38 P.M. -

There was alcohol in at least one of the California Diaries books, but it's one of Dawn's friends who gets drunk, and in one of the books written while Stacey thought she was too cool for the BSC, I think those friends had alcohol, too.

I know there were cigarettes in Kristy and the Copycat (smoked by two of the girls Kristy "befriends" (but not really, because they don't baby-sit) when she joins the SMS softball team, and I know that in one of the Super Specials in which all of SMS (or at least, a bunch of kids from the eighth grade) take a trip, and Cokie smokes and Logan yells at her.

Other book(s) with smoking 13-year-olds is in the sweet Valley Junior High series, but of course neither of the perfect Wakefields is the smoker; it's their 'enemy' Lacey Frells.

I shook my head whenever I came across smoking in books for young girls; I doubt it would get past modern censors, and as someone with lung problems that I would be willing to bet were caused by my whole family smoking around the dinner table ALL my life, smoking's just not cool. It stinks, and it makes everything around the smoker stink, too.

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