Sunday, December 02, 2007

Uh-oh, am I getting mushy here?; or, BSC Mystery #9: Kristy and the Haunted Mansion

Crap. Terrible. Horrible. Vile. An abomination. Worse than watching Zac Efron and Shia LeBoeuf getting the business. From each other. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I give you another "mystery" with absolutely no mystery. And awful writing. Aw, you missed me!

Is it just me, or does cover-Kristy have an unusual area? Seriously. From the waist down, that is a dude.

Also, where the hell did she get an oil lamp? And how are they standing in the rain but staying perfectly dry? Is it magic? Yeah.

Okay, so here's the deal. Bart and Kristy apparently joined baseball forces and created a mutant team: the Krashers (get it? A combination of the Krushers and the Bashers? Aren't they from Clever-Clever Land?), and said Krashers are playing against some team from some other town. They're all piled into a van, driven by Saint Charlie (aged 17), heading home from the game (which, described in some really boring words, they won) when they get caught in a terrible storm! Oh no! And they're lost! And then they can't turn around, cause some bridges wash out! And they see a house! And they decide to ask for a phone! And they interrupt a bunch of freakies doing the Time Warp! Oh, wait. I think that's the movie version. (P.S.-Kristy is Brad and Bart is Janet.) No, so they see this big "scary" house, and they go to the little cottage by the entrance. And a "creepy" old guy gives them, food blankets, and keys to the big house up the hill. But there are no phones. (Um, way to be all 1850s there, gramps.) And they spend the night there, despite rumors of the house being haunted. Or something. And they learn about a sad tale of a missing girl (Dorothy) and foiled romance and blah blah blah. And the rain clears up in the morning, and "they" fix the bridges (damn Illuminati!) and Kristy and Co. head on back to the 'Brook. Oh, and everyone was way worried about them. The end. Oh, wait, no it's not. They realize that the missing (presumed dead) girl from the house actually runs the sewing store in Stoneybrook. And they go to her to get the skinny. Turned out she wigged about eloping and wanted to be a free woman so she kind of faked her own death and traveled the world or whatever before settling a few miles from the heartbroken man who still pines after her from the caretaker's cottage at her father's old home. Yeah. See, no real mystery there.

  • Here's what I don't get...Why didn't they just park somewhere and sleep in the van. Sure, it would've been a little crowded, but still! Instead they stayed in a big empty house at the invite of a complete stranger.
  • Kristy thought the old guy was creepy because his "eyes had no sparkle" and he says things like "I'll see you in the morning...God willing." Sweetie, he's creepy because he lets a vanload of kiddies stay in his big old house in the middle of nowhere. And he doesn't have a phone. And cause no one can hear you scream and no one knows where you are. Just sayin'.
  • "A hundred bottles of pop on the wall?" Really? Even in elementary school, I sang "beer" there. Also, in Connecticut, it's not "pop." That's a Midwest thing.
  • Heebie-jeebies are not the same thing as everyday anxiety or apprehension, like pregame jitters. Sorry. More like "the creeps" or "the wiggins" or "the freaked-outies" which I totally just made up.
  • "Once again, I'd had an idea that saved the day. I don't mean to sound conceited, but that happens a lot." If you don't mean to sound conceited, Kristy, just shut the fuck up.
  • How did Jackie Rodowsky make in on the "all-star" team? Huh? I smell contrivance.
  • Also, since when is there a girl Basher?
  • "A rain-out is better than losing." Kristy, Kristy, Kristy. [Shaking head sadly.]
  • "Stacey also dresses like a model, in outfits I couldn't even begin to imagine wearing. Like lacy purple leggings with big floral tops, or black miniskirts with little cowboy shoes." First of all, huh? Little cowboy shoes? I don't know what those are. Also, anyone who can imagine wearing these outfits should be taken out back and beaten with their little cowboy shoes.
  • As for Claudia, she "might wear a hand-painted silk scarf to top off a polka-dotted jumpsuit, for example. Or two handmade papier-mâché earrings that look like little donuts, with a third that looks like a cup of coffee." Just, yeah.
  • "That fateful day, as Mallory might say, if she were writing one of her stories." And if she were a terrible, terrible writer. Which, let's face it, she probably is.
  • Ha ha. Kristy's afraid of lightning! "This fear of mine is a deep, dark secret. Everybody thinks I'm fearless..." I really doubt that anyone thinks she's fearless. Most people prolly think she's afraid of boys.
  • For a bunch of kids that grew up in small town New England, they are surprisingly afraid of big old houses. If you thought every big, run down house was haunted, you'd think 60% of the town was haunted. Dumbasses.
  • I had to ask RNL what a "passel" was. Ah, fake folky dialogue.
  • Um, you've got the whole house to yourselves (theoretically), and yet you feel compelled to put the food (apples and bread) in the kitchen? Rebel a bit! Put it in the dining room! Eat in the living room! Live on the edge!
  • "Those darn chills." That would be the heebie-jeebies.
  • Fucking backwards talk. I really doubt any kids would bother with that. Takes too long.
  • Why would Bart's dad call Claud for info? Why not the Brewer-Thomas household? And how did he get her number? Does Bart's fam use the BSC? So confused.
  • Oh, yeah, at the beginning, during the standard intro to the BSC, Kristy imagines various members as 80-year-olds, sitting in rockers. Boring. Now, if she had described them as various Golden Girls, maybe I would've been into it.
  • How would (little) kids in Stoneybrook know about supposedly haunted houses multiple towns away?
  • I really doubt a 6-year-old could read an old-timey (1930s) diary. First of all, cursive. Second of all, faded ink. Third of all, I have trouble with it, and I've worked in fucking special collections and archives.
  • "Karen was gazing up at Dorothy's portrait. 'Women didn't have it easy back then, did they?' she asked. 'I mean, she wanted to get out of her father's house, and the only way was to marry this guy.'" Wow, Karen just may be the first 6-year-old ever to get an A+ in Women's Studies 101. Also, it was the 30s, not the Middle Ages. Not saying it was perfect, but women could even vote by that time.
  • Oh, Claudia. "She was wearing white knee-length jean shorts, white Keds, and a tie-dyed T-shirt she'd made the weekend before. It was a beautiful one, with spirals of yellow and green and purple, and she was proud of it." PS-it bleeds all over her skin and jorts (that's the new way of saying jean shorts--fake copyright RNL and TMW, but you can totally use it) when she goes out in the rain. Oops.
  • So, everybody's all freaking out, cause the Krashers have been missing for a few hours, right? But you'd think they'd be used to people disappearing, cause it happens every other fucking book.
  • So the girl on the Bashers? Patty? She wants to be a carpenter and ride a motorcycle when she grows up (*cough* baby dyke!). And then be the president. Yeah.
  • Heh! One of Bart's favorite things to do is "be with Kristy." Maybe Kristy does put out!?!?
  • "Bart gave me a gentle smile and touched my hand. 'You're a pretty awesome person, Kristin Amanda Thomas,' he said." And now we're in a Danielle Steel novel.
  • Oh, yeah, the guy in the shack/cottage/whatever is Dorothy's ex-fiancé.
  • I've always pictured Dawn's room as pretty neat, and the idea of Sharon telling Dawn to clean her room seems a
  • All the BSC write notes for Kristy in the club notebook, to show her how much they missed her. When she hasn't even been gone twelve hours. Because they're a little crazy.
  • Jessi's note says: "Being lost with eight kids has to be the baby-sitting adventure of all time!" Um, what about getting shipwrecked? Or snowed in? Or lost in the woods? Or running a day camp for every child on the planet with no adult help? Bitch, please.
  • There are a lot of Mets fans in these books. Which is borderline odd.
  • "Missing, without a trace!" For a few hours!
  • Of course Claud makes a sign: WELLCOME HOME, KRASHERZ! That Claud, she's so street.
  • They only order two large pizzas for seven girls? Are they all on Stacey's diet?
  • Ah, yes. The single most clichéd moment in all juvenile literature. All the characters saying "Anchovies!" in disgust.
  • Kristy wants to get Dorothy and the caretaker together again. Guess all that time with Bart turned her into a romantic.
  • "I know it was wrong to let them think I was dead [also, isn't that illegal?], but it was the only way I could see for me to take control of my life." Yep, in the 1930s.

Wow. I'm a little rusty here. But I think it's all coming back to me now, like that bad Celine Dion song.


So, I'm going to try to get back on a regular posting schedule, but things are still going to be a bit crazy in my personal life, and my supply of books is entirely different (and less reliable) here in my new locale, so there might be some weeks without. Also, holidays coming up. So eat it, much like West Virginia did in the Backyard Brawl last night! Go Panthers!


katie said...

im so glad you are back!!

(p.s. my word is "tjiqgruo," which is the way claudia spells the name of mary annes cat.)

Amanda said...

haven't even read it yet, but am so glad you're back! :)


Anonymous said...

Cowboy shoes, yes! WTF are those? Also, the white jean shorts = yuck.

Glad you're back!

greer said...

i could never get over the fact that this bitch faked her own death, ruined everyone who cared about her's life, and then kristy wants to play matchmaker?

Annalisa said...

This was always one of my favorite BSC books because of the descriptions of the old mansion. It was so intriguing to me how the beds were still pristine and fully made up after all that time. When I re-read the book last summer, it finally struck me how Dorothy was a huge bitch to let everyone think she was dead, and then be so casual about it! "It would give Will a turn to see me again!" she said (or something like that)--more like a heart attack!

My hometown is basically the real-life Stoneybrook (it's even mentioned by name a few times), a quaint Connecticut suburb with Stamford as the closest city. There are lots of Mets fans there, but more of them are Yankees. I knew very few fans of other teams besides New York teams.

I'm so glad you're back, too!

Author By Night said...

Man, I think I remember this book, and I'm not sure I got the logic even then.

And yes, it was creepy that an old guy had them all stay in his house, but then, I also think the way the BSC talks to/about fellow sitters and their KIdS in the show is creepy. ("I LOVE kids." "Stacey is such an AWESOME dresser, and an even BETTER friend."

Amy said...

Glad to see you're back! I read through most of your entries one looong afternoon, and laughed at all the books I haven't read or really thought about in ages!

(Am I hallucinating, or is there one out there where Kristy or Mary Anne goes digging for a box based on the phases of the moon... or something?)

Anonymous said...


Haven't read it, but I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE BACK!

megan said...

Heyyyy leave my WV team alone ;P

hehe. Great to have ya back!!!

Stephanie said...

okay, so, i know when i was a kid, my parents sure as hell wouldn't have let me ride in a van loaded with people driven by a 17 year old.

i never understood why, in general, everyone's parents were so permissive about letting their kids ride with Charlie.

katee said...

Welcome Back!

So I googled "cowboy shoes" and looks like you can buy Cowboy ankle boots. Silly looking things. So yeah, Claud and Stacey would be all over them.

shelley said...

Umm....can someone please give me a breakdown of what the Friends Forever series is and when it showed up and why?? I started reading FF#5 and I'm totally confused...the writer is suddenly trying to be "cool" and use slang and shit, wtf?!

Why do stacey and claudia hate each other?

Who the fuck is Jeremy?

Why are Maryanne and Logan broken up?

When did Maryanne's house burn down????

Where are Dawn, Jessi and Mallory??

Is this like a totally different series or a continuation of the old books? I'm totally lost and it's pissing me off lol. Any help would be appreciated :)

shelley said...

"This fear of mine is a deep, dark secret. Everybody thinks I'm fearless..." I really doubt that anyone thinks she's fearless.

Kristy is afraid of her, deep, dark lesbian feelings for Stacey :)

Also, why does the one chick on the Krashbashfuckers have to be so butch?? Way to perpetuate a stereotype AMM...Awesome job.
A carpenter?? Honestly? Well, maybe she has the hotts for Tyler Florence and want to work with him on Extreme Makeover Home Edition...Woo!

Stephanie said...

shelley - mary anne's house burned down in the last BSC book, #131.

Jeremy was this guy who moved to Stoneybrook from Olympia, Washington, and both Claudia and Stacey liked him. Apparently he was into Claudia initially, and Stacey "stole" him, leading to the two of them refusing to speak to each other.

Mary Anne broke up with Logan because he was trying too hard to "take care" of her after her house burned down.

Dawn moved to California, Jessi became more devoted to her dancing and left the club, and Mallory went to boarding school in Massachusetts.

Finally, the FF books pick up where the BSC left off, with less emphasis on sitting and more on friendships and so on. I can't stand them - the characters all became "talking heads" and had zero personality.

Anonymous said...

amy @ 4:43: that sounds like kristy and the missing fortune. they're looking for an inheritance/treasure from one of kristy's old relatives, find a letter that she wrote, and figure out a clue is the full moon. they find the treasure that way but digging into the spot that the moon is shining directly over. or something like that!

sara said...

I'm 17 and I have a 13 year old sister... and there is no way in hell I would drive her and seven of her friends around, much less a bunch of small children. I don't care how much they're paying me, it's not worth it.

And they just paid Charlie for gas, they didn't pay him to put up with them!

UneFemmePlusCourageuse said...

Suggestion--I don't know how, exactly, this is done, but some of the blogs I read have an wishlist as one of the sidebars--if you made one, then maybe some of your commenters would be able to send you books you want to review but can't find.

Great blog, by the way. I remember this book--I think I seriously loved it when I was about nine or so. Being lost in the middle of nowhere and old enough to baby-sit and with a cute boy sounded so cool. Does seem pretty damn stupid to me now.

(My word verification is 'oaqia'--sounds like Claudia trying to spell something in Spanish, or possibly Arabic)

brandy said...

Ahh! I'm so glad you are back. I'm hooked on this site!

Amanda said...

Yay! Welcome back! I'm so glad you updated. I've missed reading your posts.

And, yes- cowboy shoes? WTF?!?

My verification word is "eoykd"...sounds like the anti-dibble to me. ("I'm so eoykd at my parents, Jessi!") ;o)

Amy said...

Thank you, Anonymous! That is totally the one I was thinking of.

shelley said...

Thanks Stephanie!! You rock :)

I love how AMM made Stacey such a whore-to-be lol

Amy said...

Oh and Tiff -

I still have a boatload of BSC books in a box somewhere. If there are any you want to get your hands on, I'd be happy to send them to you if I had them! Drop me an e-mail if you like. (Address is in my profile.)

ashwini said...

I always loved that there were Mets fans in the BSC books; growing up in the 90s as a Mets fan was PAINFUL.

BSC as Golden Girls is a neat thought, but I can only come up with Claudia being Rose and Stacey as Blanche. I guess Jessi would have to be that cleaning lady they had for one episode.

Kristen said...


glad you're back :)

m0drnmoonlight said...

OMG I love you for posting this book! This was my favorite back in the day, and I was always so pissed when I went to every single book store and they didn't have it!

btw, I stumbled upon your site one day and I love it. Every entry is hilarious and I found myself thinking a lot of the things you wrote. Great job!

I appreciate the library references too...I'm a lowly page.

melissa d. said...

They are called ROPERS and I want them in red:

Paige said...

LMAO at "Kristy's area"

Also, I'm from that tiny section of the Midwest that says "soda." But yea...pretty sure that's not an East Coast thing.

eponine said...

Tiff! Wdzwtosp! (the name of a sub at SMS - that's who Stacy got her STDs from)

I am so delighted this is back! *runs to read*

Alice said...

"Once again, I'd had an idea that saved the day. I don't mean to sound conceited, but that happens a lot." Kristy is such a douche.

Also, whose idea was it to have Claudia make the fucking sign?

Also, I am so freaking excited for a new post.

Anonymous said...

I have to object- "pop" is not a midwestern thing. It's a northern thing (Chicago, Wisconsin, Minnesota, etc). I'm from the Midwest and we say "soda," not "pop."

Anonymous said...

"Also, whose idea was it to have Claudia make the fucking sign?"

she always makes the signs because she's the resident artist. somebody else should spell them, though.

AM said...

first of all, i freaking love these blogs. they complete my life.
second, this site was posted in a comment on some other entry... it's ebooks of a ton of the BSC novels. i'm reading mallory hates boys (and gym) right now, and it's effing ridiculous. AMM overuses parentheses like it's her job. or, rather, the ghostwriters do. i can't believe i read this shit.

"cituzb"... hmmm i'd say that's a dibbly-fresh term that stacey made up for herself, since, you know, she's from new york city and all. the "uzb" part comes from "unusually zangeriffic babe."

Mary Ann said...

Yayyyyy! You're back! Yesterday was my birthday, so seeing a new post made it even better! =]

Miriam said...

Watching Zac Efron and Shia LeBoeuf getting the business from each other would be totally awesome! …uh, I mean “dibbly fresh”…

Jenny said...

Oh man, not the pop vs. soda thing. The west half of Missouri says pop, the east half says soda. Nebraska calls it pop. I was born in CA and called it all coke. Whatevs.

So glad you're back, Tiff! ^_^
I never actually read this one, but loved the post anyways. Lxbdtb--baby gibberish from one of the little kids? You tell me...

colleenn said...

yay Tiff! and you're back with one of the books I'd never read before.

I've never heard anyone in my area me say "pop" except for my 7th grade teacher who had just moved to Boston from Chicago. Everyone made fun of her for it. My parents still to this day call it "tonic" (and I once in awhile use that term out of childhood nostalgia) ...I think you need to be at least like a third-generation Bostonian to ever hear that term floating around anymore. :)

Lizzie said...

Finally, a BSC book I've actually read. I can't believe I liked it so much. Good lord, I must have been a complete sap! Looking back at it, nothing anyone does makes sense and Kristy is sooooo fecking annoying! (I'm Irish, I can say feck.)

Elizabeth said...

OMG Thank Geebus you are back!! I was going nutso without your weekly posts. I just kept checking every day like a total stalker LOL.

I don't remember this book at all, but it looks like a giant piece of crap. Thanks for the funny blog.

Ryan said...

White denim shorts? I guess no one in the BSC ever gets their period. Seriously awful.

Anonymous said...

Northwestern Pennsylvania says pop.

And how can you slam poor WVU like that. It hurts.

But glad to have you back!

Anonymous said...

P.S.-Kristy is Brad and Bart is Janet.

Tiff FTW!

coquelicot said...

"Little cowboy shoes? I don't know what those are. Also, anyone who can imagine wearing these outfits should be taken out back and beaten with their little cowboy shoes."

I'm so glad I didn't have anything in my mouth when I read this. No matter how many times I read it, makes me LOL. Welcome back!

My word is miaikwu--sounds like some sort of art form that Claudia would try. Reminds me of origami.

Jessica said...

Seriously, I want a special fan edition: Charlie Thomas, Bitch Chauffeur.

Why does he gets his rocks off by carting preteens and kids around?

Courtney said...

In case anyone is interested it is not actually illegal to simply take off and disappear from your life if you're an adult (although I am not sure about if you go far enough to fake your death. That probably is) It just seems like it b/c it's an incredibly selfish thing to do considering all the heartache and public dollars likely to be spent on a search for you.

Ali said...

Yaaay you're back!!

I have a friend who says "jorts" I love it.

I laughed out loud at the "little cowboy shoes" line. You're not rusty at all!

Kristin said...

Anonymous said:

have to object- "pop" is not a midwestern thing. It's a northern thing (Chicago, Wisconsin, Minnesota, etc). I'm from the Midwest and we say "soda," not "pop."

Hate to break it to you, but Chicago is in the Midwest.

Manteli said...

My stepmother says pop - she's from Albany, NY.

However, I'm from Los Angeles and we always said soda. When we sang the song and we couldn't say beer? We always said pop, not soda. It flows better.

100 bottles of pop on the wall, 100 bottles of pop...


100 bottles of soda on the wall, 100 bottles of soda...

Heidi said...
This link (if it works) is to an Amazon list of all of the BSC books, for anyone interested in revisiting these. I'm glad you're posting again, I missed reading the posts! Even though from the last sentence there, you're probably also a Steeler's fan, and I'm from Cincinnat-but I like your blog anyway=) And I realize that's some ballsy trash talking considering last night's game, but hey, I'm not a fair weather fan!

Donica said...

awww this is one i actually like...

um... but i'm from St. Louis...
we don't say pop, we say SODA... and that's the midwest.

just saying .. :)

welcome back btw

Anonymous said...

you mean the awesome celin dion song...

Elizabeth said...

In Texas we say "Coke" for everything, except for Dr. Pepper, which is the official soda of Texas. We would never call that a coke. 'Pop' is just dumb. Just sayin... lol

"ghhmb" - sounds like someone got punched in the gut! Or Gumby.

Emma said...

aw hellz yeah!!!!! tiff's back!!! yay!!!!! um, yeah that dude with the house was a total chimo (CHIld MOlester). creepy. and again, it's SO COOL how my comment started the whole word verification thread!!!! love!! btw, my word is 'brgcok'. it sounds REALLY perverted, but sorta like the last name of a new family that moves to the 'Brook.

p.s. i'm from STL, and we say soda. i go to chicago a lot, and they say pop. i think they say pop in omaha, too...

p.p.s. stuff going on in tiff's personal life! ooooooh! ;D

p.p.p.s. i'm totally channeling my inner claudia right now by rocking a cap-sleeved, low-cut, thin sweater that's brown with pink pairs of eyeglasses on it, a pink, lacy cami (underneath the sweater), a gold necklace that says Emma in cursive (cuz that's my name), jeans, and my hair is in a side pony. but it's totally cute because i'm smiley and bubbly enough to pull it off ;D

Anonymous said...

YAY! Welcome back.

I vaguely remember reading this book...a little sketchy on all the details you've snarked about. I think I skimmed through a lot of it.

To weigh in on the pop-soda thing. I'm Canadian, and when I was younger, I was generally given the impression that "pop" was a Canadian thing and "soda" American. I've since been told that some Canadians say "soda pop", and that some just refer to the soft drink they want by name "Pepsi, 7up...whatever".

It's nice to know there's similar differences in the States.

My verification is "unzqq" which I believe is the sound a very pregnant, Stacey makes as she tries to get up off the floor at the end of a BSC meeting because Kristy won't let her miss a meeting for any reason.

SaintCecilia said...

So Excited!!!!

valuemeal2 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
valuemeal2 said...

We sang "100 bottles of pop on the wall" when we were younger, and no Californian in her right mind would ever refer to the fizzy sugar drink as anything but "soda".

Also, that tie dye Claudia outfit isn't really so bad. I would wear something like that, probably now even.

PS, am I the only one who gets annoyed when people talk about Sweet Valley and non-post related things in these comments?

Juliet said...

Welcome back!

And what a great, book to come back on. How did you even figure out where to being with this one?

drxupcx=some game the Pike twins invent about a mad doctor who mutilates his patients

Anonymous said...

thank you, tiff!

Rhiannon said...

cowboy shoes are such shit. They are cowboy boots with the tops cut off- hence not a boot but a shoe. I owned a pair in black way back in 1995 when I didn't care about fashion. My aunt had three pairs in different colors. You could wedge them up someone's ass they were so pointy.

Amanda said...

It's pop here in Detroit, and if you say it different we'll shoot you.

Hehe :) We get such the bad rap, but honestly, just let us bling in peace and we'll get along just fine.


Anonymous said...

You know how you tell if someone is from WI or IL? WI = soda, IL = pop. That's the way it is, yo! I live in WI and we find it dibbly unfresh when people say "pop." Just sayin'. Also, if you know what a "bubbler" is, I'd be impressed.


Horray! Tiff is back and that is the best non-denominal mid-winter holiday gift of all time! Yay!

Also, to Emma: You sound like a nutjob and no one can pull off a side pony tail. No one! HTH!

And, I think the "word verification" thing has run its course. Enough already.

B. said...

In Australia we say '100 bottles of beer on the wall'


Besides '100 hundred bottles of soft drink on the wall' just isn't catchy.

Paige said...

I'm from SE Wisconsin where we say "soda" AND "bubbler..." but my friends from everywhere else in the state say "pop."

colleenn said...

Re: anonymous @ 1:21 and paige - is "bubbler" the same thing in WI as it is in MA? If I heard "bubbler" I'd think you meant "water fountain." Is "bubbler" something different in WI?

Frema said...

Holy hell, have I missed these reviews.

Also, I may be the only Chicago native who says "soda." I know it's weird!

eponine said...

We sang 100 bottles of pop on the wall and if you said pop in any other context, you'd be laughed out of connecticut.

Then again, I live in the part that thinks its part of nyc (where the brook would have been), so I can't testify for the rest of the state, but we most definetly say soda the rest of the time

Melissa said...

Glad to see you back :) I was having BSC bashing withdrawal.

My word verification is "hmdigk" - ??

silverrose43 said...

i just wanted to let you know that i LOVE or is it LUV your blog, its awesome and funny.

also don;t know if you ever saw this but it's funny

how to dress like Claudia!!!

Siff said...

When I visited the East Coast, all the waiters knew I was from the West because I asked for pop.

Cool that you did this book: I'm specifically from the Seattle area, which is having insane amounts of rain (we normally just get a drizzle, but 3-4 inches in a day?). While getting soaked Sunday, I thought of the part when Claudia's outfit ran in the rain! Hooray for psychic requests!

WV? Unfajhta. Is that to fajitas what antipasto is to pasta?

Anonymous said...

I'm from Chicago but have always said soda, and all of my family is from here too. Wonder how we went so wrong :)

stephanie said...

You are back! Love this post! So many exclamation points I am using!

Pamela said...

Wdhunit = Kristy and the kids tried to figure out wdhunit.

Anonymous said...

I have missed the snark, glad you are back! While I loved this review, can I ask what became of Mallory and her cooties?

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

Yay! I've been waiting and waiting for a new review! This was a great one to come back to!

P.S. I'm from Omaha, NE and we say "pop"'s definitely a midwest thing...and I mean TRUE midwest, like Iowa and NE and Denver. None of that fake north/northewat midwest crap like Wisconsin. ;)

Manteli said...

Wow anon@1:21, chill. Sometimes people like to have fun.

(I agree about side pony tails though)

Anonymous said...

why would charlie get to drive all these kids around anyways? he's only 17. who trusts a van load of children to a 17 yr. old?

chris said...

Well, I may be from the "fake" midwest, Anonymous Midwest Girl, but North East Ohioans say "pop".

I have a feeling that there is not a definitive Soda-Pop Divide, a la Mason-Dixon, rather pockets of "pop".

Emma said...

yeah, i probably am a nutjob. ;) (totally kidding) regardless, i totally wore a side pony and people said it was cute. everyone at my school who wears their hair in a ponytail (which is pretty much every girl at my school) has it slightly off-centered. mine was just more off-centered than theirs. :P

p.s.: my word is 'migqbe'. it sounds like one of claud's snacks, or maybe a NY boutique that stacey likes to go to.

Anonymous said...

Ryan said...

Thanks for the link to scribd. I've been reading a bunch of the later books, including one of the "Friends Forever" books. Too bad it was a Kristy book. Anyway, my brain is pretty much numb at this point, so I don't know HOW you do it, Tiff, honestly.

Oh, and I live in Louisiana, where everyone calls it "coke" but I say "soda." Just in case anyone was interested.

ssfltkx - one of the moves Stacey had to do while prepping for the cheerleading tryouts.

Anonymous said...

stacey tried out for cheerleading? i must not have read that book.

"lkavm" sounds like 'look, have him'. so claudia was eating lotsa food while telling stacey she could go out with jeremy. claudia later regretted what she said, so she ate more food in an attempt to eat away her sadness ;)

Anonymous said...

It seems like in the later BSC books they totally set Mallory up to be a depressed, suicidal psycho. When did she become so fucking awkward and dysfunctional??

Anonymous said...

Yay! you've updated your blog! I'd never read any of the BSC Mysteries because they came along after I decided I was too old at 12 for the BSC, but it's hilarious to hear about them through your blog!

Just adding my 2 cents to the whole soda/pop thing, because both of them are weird terms for me. I was born and raised in North FL and have always called it 'coke' whether it be pepsi, Coca cola, RC, hell, sometimes even Dr Pepper- any dark fizzy drink is by default a 'coke'.
When I lived in Scotland for graduate school, I thought it was REALLY weird that they called it 'juice'.

Oh and for the record,everyone I knew always sang that there was definitely 99 bottles of BEER on that wall.
Oh, and because all the cool kids are doing it, my word verification is rgdmej.
A Swedish lipstick color?

Mary Ann said...

Ashwini-- "I guess Jessi would have to be that cleaning lady they had for one episode."

OMG, I LOL'd. That was one of my FAVORITE Golden Girl episodes!

nedaqax - the antidepressant Mal had to start taking when everyone at school started picking on her before she went to boarding school.

Moi said...

Welcome back! I think I missed your BSC recaps a little too much ;)

I wonder why they didn't call the team the Brushers....?

Krista said...

Haha, the first comment made me laugh a little too much.

When I was little (read: in middle school/early high school), I lusted over Claudia's earings. Now I'm just ashamed by that lust.

Anonymous said...

Saying "coke" for everything is so retarded. That's like asking for Kleenex when you want a paper towel or something.

Anonymous said...

I'm from Kansas City (again, echoing the Omaha chick's statement, the "real" midwest), and we called all that stuff coke. Even if you were looking for, say, a Sprite or something, you'd say, "Do we have any coke?"

I think this shows it isn't a regional thing, but probably differed from grade school to grade school or family to family.

megan said...

Oh yea, I'm from WV and we say pop. But I know ppl from VT and they say soda. Some VA ppl say soda and some say pop.

It's just weird!

my word is fsrcbiyv, and i have no idea what that would be lol

Robyn said...

Oddly enough, I'm pretty sure that this pop vs soda thing was discussed in one of the BSC books. Foget which one, but I'm pretty sure it was Dawn who when she came to the east coast, asked for a soda and ended up with club soda.
It all ties back to the BSC...

ps - toxipu, the anitbiotics that get rid of Stacy's STD

Erin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Erin said...

FWIW, I was born and raised in Washington, DC, and we say "coke" for everything. Which inevitably leads the waiter to say, "We have Pepsi, is that okay?"

I totally remember loving this book back in the day and thinking it was SO COOL that the BSC always stumbled into the most amazing adventures.

jpazeabt: a new flavor spicy Dorito that Claudia has under her bed

Anonymous said...

You just made my day! Welcome back, and please never leave us again!

Anonymous said...

First of all, Welcome Back!

I wanted to say that I was, for some reason, laughing for the last 10 minutes solely on the "baby dyke" comment. Hilarious! I'm one of those people that sees something funny and I will still laugh at it a day later. I can already see me in my Astronomy class tomorrow, zoning out, picturing the carpenter/motorcycling Basher (which "basher" totally ADDS to her butchiness) and trying not to laugh out loud.....

Emma said...

*Erin: Whenever I ask for Sprite at a restaurant, the waiter always says, "We have Sierra Mist/7Up." Totally pointless, considering that Sprite, Sierra Mist, and 7up are essentially the same thing.

*My word is "wvkmtk", which sounds sort of like Claud trying to do her math homework with her mouth full of Mallomars (if you pronounce it 'wivikmatik', it sounds kind of like arithmetic).

*I have no idea how Claud didn't get caught with all that candy in her room. I have candy in my room, and my mom ALWAYS finds it. Does no one else get that hollow books (where Claud most frequently pulls food from) look totally fake? How would Mrs. Kishi not wonder what she kept in there? Gaaaaah! I wish Claud would get caught, just one time!!!

*And I think Mal gets all depressed because of that TOT program in which she has to teach a class of 8th graders and everything goes wrong, causing everyone at school to torment her for the rest of her life (Kristy In Charge).

Stacie said...


I do have to tell you that at the high school where I taught last year, the senior boys had "jort day" on which, on one of their no-uniform days (private school = uniforms), the senior boys all took jeans and cut them into shorts. It was very scary and disturbing.

Margaret said...

I'm so glad you are posting again! hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Forgot to add, the heebie-jeebies and backwards talk stuff SO bothered me. So, heebie-jeebies = pre-game jitters. Um, no. What a lame ghostwriter. And I doubt the triplets really could think of the backward pronunciation of some of their words all that quickly.

Anonymous said...

i'm from wisconsin. we don't take credit for "pop" either.

Emma said...

*Woohoo! Comment #100! Yesssss!
*A question for all: What is the weirdest oufit any of the BSCers has ever worn?

Anonymous said...

Yay you're back! :D

Lol I totally remember the tie-dye!

astrogirl529 said...

I have just come across your awesome blog! I was a huge BSC fan and still have my books, game, calendars, postcard book etc etc!! I have been reading your blog all afternoon, fantastic.

Anonymous said...

Down here in Oshtraya, it is always "100 bottles of beer on the wall"

Because we don't say soda or pop, most people say soft or fizzy drink. When I was four, I called it nice. I would say to my mum, can I have a cup of nice? I guess because she might have said, would you like a nice drink? My brother called it gulp gulp, like the sound you might when you swallow, he would just make that sound.

I just got my internet back, and now I see you're back, yayyyyyy! Two positives! Except my toe really hurts. I mean really, it's swollen up to two times its size. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.

My verification word is mwzwvc, maybe that's a name of some toe disease I have.

But I think it might be something that Claudia would say, with a mouth full of marshmallows when Kristy came out of the closet. I heard that Jodie Foster just came out.

K.E.N. said...

so glad you're blogging again!
i'm from Florida and i honestly don't know what i call the fizzy stuff....probably because Florida is the melting pot of old people from all over the place.
i think i say "soda"...but i probably just call it by name, like "i want some Dr. Pepper" b/c that's pretty much the only one i drink. i know a lot of people call all soda/pop "coke."

Anonymous said...

I'm in Houston.
most people call it Coke or soda.
nobody drinks Pepsi.

and to the person who said we're "retarded" and that's like "asking for Kleenex when you want a paper towel:" no. you're being silly. Kleenex is to tissue what Coke is to soda and Xerox is to copier. Kleenex has nothing to do with paper towels.

Anonymous said...

I think the point is that kleenex has nothing to do with paper towels. Because likewise, Coke has nothing to do with Sprite. But I don't think anyone else is "retarded" for doing that....everyone/place is different, so as long as people get what they want to drink, whatever, right?

knfwnswc - one of Dawn's vegetarian dishes.

Anonymous said...

"Does no one else get that hollow books (where Claud most frequently pulls food from) look totally fake? How would Mrs. Kishi not wonder what she kept in there?"

Maybe she does know and they're just fattening her up for the kill.

Also, is the "backwards talk" saying words backwards? My brothers and I used to do that all the time on road trips, and my older brother is still really fast at it.

kiwimusume said...

You're back!! :D

I owned this book when I was a kid and never really liked it. I always found the ghost story books really boring.

That "storm on the way home from a baseball game" premise has totes been done before, in the last Kristy mystery where the kid goes missing. *eyeroll*

I really doubt a 6-year-old could read an old-timey (1930s) diary. First of all, cursive. Second of all, faded ink. Third of all, I have trouble with it, and I've worked in fucking special collections and archives.

I know!!! I was reading Mallory and the Mystery Diary awhile ago, and the kid who was having trouble reading was able to read the old-ass diary by the end of the book! What?

I've always pictured Dawn's room as pretty neat, and the idea of Sharon telling Dawn to clean her room seems a

It IS neat!!! In the book where she first comes in, Mary Anne goes over to her house and it's the only neat room in the house. Consistency, please?

Jessi's note says: "Being lost with eight kids has to be the baby-sitting adventure of all time!"

Yep, being stranded somewhere with 8 little kids is every girl's dream! I worry about these girls.

My verification code is bffqgjk. That is totes an acronym they've made up about themselves - Best Friends Forever Quite Great Jolly Kool, perhaps?

Also, to anon @ 1:21 who bitched about the word verification fanfic and Emma's side ponytail, and anon @ 2:16 who referred to the poster who called softdrink/pop/soda "coke" as "retarded" (if you are, in fact, different people), if you're going to bitch about other posters, at least own your comments and leave a name. I've seen this in the replies to other entries too, and it's always annoyed me.

New verification code! gliin. That is totally a made-up brand of cleaning product that Stacey had to use to clean up Jamie Newton's barf.

Anonymous said...

kiwi...please. Not everyone wants to sign up for an account or whatever it is you need to do to have a name displayed. Why should people who are anonymous (like me, OH NO am I annoying you?) be called out for that?

Mary Ann said...

Can't we all just get along?



Word Verification: yhcau. That would be a place they went in that Super Special where they all (somehow) went to Hawaii.

Erin said...

Agreed. Let's just hold hangs and sing "Kumbaya."

sbvaok: a weird Eastern European health food Dawn discovers and tries to introduce to the rest of the gang. Vegan baklava, perhaps.

kiwimusume said...

(Conveniently) Anonymous,

I don't have an account. I just type my name into the little box where it says "nickname". Not hard, really. And I'm not saying everyone has to do that, it just seems incredibly convenient to me for people to bitch about other posters (like the hair thing and the "retarded" thing) from their safe little cover of anonymity. Not to mention cowardly and kind of lame. Next time you call another poster "retarded" or whatever, I dare you to use the nickname box. Go on! Give it a try! You might like it! :D

My verification word is jbmsca - looks like another sound made by someone talking with their mouth full.

bscfan said...

Oh stop trying to lump all anons together. THAT is lame.

I'm the anon who posted to you at 5:38 and I'm calling myself bscfan. Satisfied?

And please, look again at the retarded comment you specifically mention. The anon who left it did not say the POSTER was retarded.

Ryan said...

Wow, this is just like when Stacey left the BSC. . .

Dairi Burger said...

Don't feed the trolls.

Mary Ann said...

I keep coming back to check... and wish, pray, and hope that there will be a new entry tonight! I need my BSC fix! =]

Anonymous said...

I liked this blog better when people just snarked the books instead of each other. WTF, people.

Mariah said...

In speaking of "BSC Fix" mentioned a couple of comments above me, I just went a bought a Word Seek from the store (OK, long story short, I'm going on a trip tomorrow and I'm easily amused by word seeks). Anyway, there's totally a word seek about the BSC! haha. I about died when I saw it. And the little intro before the puzzle is great. Allow me to share:
"Ann M. Martin sold over 175 million copies of "The Baby-Sitters Club" series books, which were written (some by ghost-writers) about middle-school students running a business." Haha @ the ghostwriters. The list of words to find are all pretty guessable i.e. club members, family members, Stoneybrook, but there is one curious entry; in between "Super Specials" and "Treasurer" there is "Tomboy". Maybe not that funny, but I died laughing simply because it is so random as opposed to the other ones. I mean, there isn't "artistic" or "shy" or any other words used to describe the other members. There's just tomboy. Hee. :-)

jennifer said...

I wear side ponytails all the time!!

Now, i have to admit ... there's a difference between the side ponytails that are trendy NOW (down at the nape of your neck, only slightly off-center) and the side ponytail that I assume Claudia wears (sticking out from above your ear like streamers from a bike handle).

That's the kinda thing that only a girl wearing one mustard earring and two hotdog earrings could pull off. :)

Anonymous said...

Whoever posted the website--genius! I've been reading BSC books on that website all week. Tiff, you should definitely take a look. There are some books you haven't reviewed yet up there.

Anonymous said...

for some reason this was one of my favorite kristy books. i think because it was one of the few in which she actually acted like a 13-year-old girl. and i liked the idea of finding a big old house to explore.


Ryan said...

My two year old TOTALLY dresses like Claudia.

Anonymous said...

To whoever said: I don't have an account. I just type my name into the little box where it says "nickname". typing in a random nickname that in no way relates back to you personally is good, but just leaving the box blank is cowardly? Really? Because I didn't think it really matters. At all. Because we're talking about the fucking BSC. The BSC!!

Does anyone really care to fight that much about commments left on a BSC blog? I am calling the lame card on that one. (Not the blog, of course, the bickering)

And in BSC related commenting, I just have to say that cowboy shoes sound ridiculous but they would probably look really good with Claud's jumpsuits. And, what's with all the jumpsuits, anyway? I've never seen a person really wear a jumpsuit in real life (unless they were a pilot or something) and these bitches have like thirty of them. Weird.

Also, I've never read this particular book (or maybe I did and it was so craptacular I blocked it out of my mind), but if I was in the same situation at the same age, and I knocked on someone's door and they didn't have a telephone, I would thank them and move on to the next house with a damn phone.

I mean, what kind of witless moron brings a buttload of kids into a stranger's house with no phone. I nominate Kristy for Idiot Douche of the Year Award (which is completely made up, but if there were such a thing, she'd be the hands down winner).

Hope you don't all think I'm a cowardly lamey mclamerson for posting without making up a random nickname, y'all.

Peace out.

Mehreen said...

So I've FINALLY caught up on the postings. I had to stop reading comments because it took so long. I have to say, at first I was offended by the snarkiness because the BSC was considered the great literature of my time (childhood) but I hated how they were perpetually stuck in the 8th grade, and I guess the snarkiness is necessary at this point. I went home and looked for my pile o' BSC, and my mother heartbreakingly informed me that she believd my father has disposed of my collection. I may never forgive him...are you going to do Get Well Mallory? I always wanted to get the "kissing disease" after she got it! (and also because Michelle said it was the best diet ever in Romy & Michelle)

Anonymous said...

I googled "little cowboy shoes" and this is what I found:

I can totally see Stacey wearing these.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, let's try that again.

Michelle said...

someone else posted this link awhile ago. I just wanted to share it with you, in case you can't find a particular book to snark on...this has a bunch of them, early and later ones.
there's also some tantric sex books listed at the end...oddly enough...

valuemeal2 said...

"and to the person who said we're "retarded" and that's like "asking for Kleenex when you want a paper towel:" no. you're being silly. Kleenex is to tissue what Coke is to soda and Xerox is to copier. Kleenex has nothing to do with paper towels."

I think that was exactly the anonymous person's point, and I completely agree with them. You know, like how Kleenex is a brand of tissue, but people refer to it as kleenex even if it's Puffs or whatever, but if you wanted a paper towel or toilet paper, you wouldn't ask for a "kleenex" because you'd get a tissue if you did.

Likewise, it's not a "coke" unless it's brown and flavored like cola. If you ask for "coke", that means exactly one thing, or maybe two if you don't mind Pepsi instead (and I sure as hell can't tell any difference between the two... or the other generic cola flavors from Safeway or whatever). Sprite is clear, and tastes NOTHING like Coke, so why the HELL would you ask for a "coke" if you wanted something that wasn't flavored like cola?

Honestly, I think commenting on this blog has become too out of hand. It was never like this on the earlier entries, and should probably just be disabled. We should just be glad Tiff is providing the gift of snarky BSC recaps to us without spamming her comment pages with word-verification remarks and insults to other people who are reading. Unlike the BSC, this isn't middle school, guys.

Just my 2¢.

ajane said...

^ I think we were relatively back to normal... but thanks.

Adrianne said...

I just found this website and have had some laugh out loud moments. Seriously, this has been so much fun to read, and remember when the BSC was the coolest thing to read. Love it!

Cailin said...

to valuemeal2:

oh my gosh, it's a blog. calm down! we're discussing the BSC for crying out loud, who really cares?

valuemeal2 said...

Cailin: I'm not the one who started the drama, I was just giving an opinion. I don't think I'm the one you need to tell off.

Sherilyn said...

I love your blog but I've been using the word JORTS since at least fact I've even been to a JOUTFIT party...

Anonymous said...

glad you're back =]
Hmm. Kristy's such a fake. I mean in no 6 she's all 'wow my first pair of actual heels and flower in my hair' and the rest of the time she's a slob. wtf?

Anonymous said...

An anonymous said "You know how you tell if someone is from WI or IL? WI = soda, IL = pop. "

Not true. You're lumping all us Illinoisans in with Chicagoans. I'm from the non-Chicago part of Illinois, down near St. Louis, and only the Chicago transplants and those who spend a ton of time around them actually say "pop." I say soda, along with just about everyone I know. My sister sometimes says "pop," but she's been with a Chicago transplant for the past 5 years. (I tend to refuse to hand her a "pop." She has to actually call it soda around me!)

Just please, please please. Don't lump all of Illinois in with damn Chicago.

Michelle said...

wow ok it took forever but I made it to the end of the comments.
Valuemeal2 I agree with your earlier comment about being annoyed about nonBSC related comments. I get a little annoyed with reading the same sounding comments over and over, like everyone feeling the need to post their state and whether they say soda or pop. Actually, I accidently did it here up higher when I gave the scribd link again, apparently I didn't read up above that someone else had posted it again.
Sadly, the BSC books have been taken off that site so its useless now anyways. I did a BSC search on the entire site and there was one left, Dawn's Big Move.
Someone else mentioned about Mallories cooties...what DID ever happen with that, there was like a 3month pump up for it and then nothing lol.
Emma, rock the side ponytail. Just don't dress like Pebbles from the Flintstones please.
Ok this will probably reflect poorly on me but when I hear bubbler I think of a type of pot smoking device involving water.
oh and you don't have to make up a blogger account to sign in, you can sign in with a gmail account and a whole bunch of other things too, like AIM. Not that we all want to spread around our AIM screen names I'm sure. Although imagine all the BSC chat room possibilities...

Anonymous said...

Tiff come back! We miss you...

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metamorphstorm said...

"So the girl on the Bashers? Patty? She wants to be a carpenter and ride a motorcycle when she grows up (*cough* baby dyke!). And then be the president. Yeah."

Because in Stoneybrook, a girl can't possibly like sports and have feminine or unisex interests instead of those considered completely masculine...

I think I read this one as a kid (ten, fifteen years ago). I don' really remember it, except for the mention of the girl Basher.

metamorphstorm said...

I managed to get halfway through the comments before I felt the need to point a few things out (honestly, I enjoy reading the comments as much as I enjoy the actual blog posts!)

1.) When the series first started, Charlie was a brand-new driver and thrilled for any reason to use the car. He readily agreed to drive Kristy to club meetings, and he actually cut their offer to pay him in half - they offered him a dollar (each way, if I remember right) and he said fifty cents each way was plenty. Why I remember this when I can't remember 90% of my History classes . . . *sigh*

2.) One of the earliest commenters (Anonymous 10:13) said that as a Canadian, they were raised thinking "soda" was what ALL Americans said and that "pop" was exclusively Canadian. I have to agree; I was raised the same way. We occasionally hear "soda pop" or "soda," but mostly I think we say "pop" or ask for a specific brand, like cream soda or orange crush. It's not like this is the first Canadian-VS-American-words illusion I've had shattered, thanks to the Internet!

3.) About "little cowboy shoes" - I nearly spat a mouthful of POP onto my laptop. The comments about the cowboy shoes are just as funny as the original bit in the blog!

4.) The word verifications are usually only somewhat amusing. Some of them are truly laugh-worthy, in a good way. I've never seen any other blog with so many comments, much less so many clever ones. Who knew the BSC would end up uniting so many strangers?

5.) - (This is long, wow) - Adults making a big deal over kids saying the word "beer" is that makes kids curious. I sang the song (properly; we never said pop or soda or Coke; we said beer) as a kid, and I was never curious about it. Then I read that in Stoneybrook (or at least, Scholastic books) all the kids say "pop" and I had to wonder what was so bad about beer!