Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Random Sighting!!!

Check this out!!! Her crime should have been founding the BSC!!

A post-BSC career?!?!?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Stacey and I both look good in black and white; or BSC Super Special #6: New

Apparently, "they're not sleeping till they see all of it--"  Well, good for them.  But I think they probably did get some sleep.  After all, they're only 13 and they are chaperoned. 



First, let's examine the cover:




So, Mary Anne looks all touristy, and that makes sense.  And Kristy's wearing that lameass touristy Statue of Liberty thing. But, seriously?  Claud and Stacey (remember, the sophisticated ones) are wearing Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts.  Stacey, the New York girl.  I'm sorry, but I really doubt it.  And, confession time, I was totally obsessed with the black tights/cuffed jean shorts combo.  Very Brenda Walsh. 

Okay, so the plot of this one...SMS is on another (mysterious) two week vacation.  Claud and Mal get permission to take a two week art class in New York, and all the BSC get to go, too.  Because Mr. McGill and Laine's parents are insane.

Mary Ann and Stacey: Because they can't get enough of children, they get hired to show two little Brit brats around the city for two weeks.  And they're being followed! And they think it's some sort of international intrigue!  But it's really the kids' bodyguard!  Um, exciting?

Jessi: She falls in luv with a boy ballet dancer named Quint.  Only, he doesn't want to audition for Julliard cause the boys in the neighborhood pick on him.  Or something.

Kristy: She finds a stray dog that reminds her of her dead dog Louie.  She wants to bring him home to Stoneybrook, but she's not allowed.  So, she finds a new home for him.  (Boring.)

Dawn: She's a fucking chickenshit.  She's afraid of everything.  (And, I know I've said this before, but she's from SoCal, not Bumfuck, Montana.)  Then she meets a boy on crutches, and he shows her the city and gets her to eat chocolate.

Claud and Mal: So, their art teacher, McKenzie Clarke, gets along great with Mal and constantly criticizes Claudia.  She's all hurt and thinks she has no talent. (Heh.) But finally, she talks to him, and he's on her ass cause she lacks discipline and without discipline, her talent will go to waste.  And Mal learns she doesn't have what it takes to be an artist, but she only wants to draw dippy shit for children's books anyway.

Yeah.


  • So, Claudia, before her classes start, keeps referring to teacher/artist McKenzie Clark as HIM.

  • "Stacey would be packing black leggings (some with stirrups on the feet, some without) and baggy black and white and red tops.  She would probably pack or wear her black cowboy boots." 

  • Mary Anne brought Tigger to the train station in a carrier so she could say goodbye to him.  Dumbass.

  • Oh, and there's this whole thing about all the BSC parents all worried about roaches.  Sometimes, I think ANM confuses Stoneybrook with the tiniest town in Iowa or something...They live, like, two hours (tops) from NYC by train.  And that's probably with lots of stops.  They are not out in the sticks...

  • I miss street vendors and truck food.  I used to get the best Thai fried rice from a truck outside Hillman Library.  Mmmm. [drooling]

  • "I was beside myself with the thought of actually staying in the Dakota for two whole weeks.  The old movie Rosemary's Baby was filmed there.  Famous people live there.  Famous people have died there, too."  But we won't mention them by name.  ANM always mentions weird children's books that no one born after 1968 would have read, but she won't mention John Lennon, despite the fact that VH1 used to play "Imagine" in the 80s more than I can even tell...And how many of our parents were obsessed with the Beatles or their solo stuff?  Plus, in the 80s?  Julian Lennon had a fucking hit single.  Whatever.

  • So, the Brit brats?  (Not actually bratty, but I like alliteration.  So sue me.  It's "creative license" or something.)  Their parents dress them like dolls.  It's totally lame.  But hilarious.  "Alistaire [who's 7, btw] was wearing a white sailor suit with navy blue trim, white knee socks, and black shoes that buckled at the sides.  The looked a little like Mary Janes, only they weren't shiny. [Huh?  Mary Janes don't have to be patent leather...I don't get it...] And Rowena was wearing a white sailor dress, similar to Alistaire's suit, white tights, red Mary Janes, and a red hat."  In ANM's mind, Brits always dress like it's the 1940s.

  • Shut up about the crime, Dawn.  You act like there's no violence in SoCal at all.  She automatically thinks a loud bang is a car bomb.  What?  She's not from a warzone, either. 

  • Stacey loves signaling the waiter for the check.  Cause she's 5.

  • Because the acronym for the Fine Arts League of New York is FALNY, ANM spells it Falny.  Because you can't pronounce an acronym like a real word if it's all caps or something...Sorry, I get a little fixated on semantics.  In case you couldn't tell.

  • Claudia's not allowed to call adults by their first name unless she knows them really well.  I suppose parents who forbid Nancy Drew would have a rule like that.

  • Jessi thinks Quint's name is romantic.  I...don't get it.

  • Oh, yeah...ANM's dad did "Claudia's" sketches for the book.

  • Oiny.  Only in New York.  Jessi's dad says that.  And this book ruined me so that whenever anyone says only in New York, I think Oiny.  Fuckers.

  • There's this whole thing about sneaking the dog in and out of the Dakota because Kristy thinks they don't allow pets in the building.  It's supposed to be zany, I think, but it's just lame.

  • Dawn's luv interest?  "His hair was brown and longish.  He'd let the back grow into a very chilly little tail.  And when he smiled, his cheeks dimpled."  Hee!  A tail!  And a really awkward sentence about dimples!

  • Um, Jessi just agrees to go over Quint's place...I doubt her parents let her just go over random boys' houses in the 'Brook, so why she thinks it's okay in New York?  But then, they left her to care for her siblings with no adult supervision for a fucking weekend, so I guess I'm not terribly surprised she has no common sense with this sort of thing.  And she gets kinda bent out of shape when Laine insists on walking her there and meeting his family.

  • This is what the Brits have the brats wear on their Circle Line cruise: "Alistaire in gray pants, red suspenders, a red bow tie, and a white shirt; Rowena in a gray skirt, red suspenders, a red headband, and a white blouse."  You know, I don't think my parents tried to color coordinate me and my bro even in family portraits. 

  • Actually, a ten dollar fee for a pay-what-you-can vet clinic is pretty cheap.

  • "Right here. On Madison Avenue. One of the finest shopping streets in the city.  Here you will find Laura Ashley [hee!] clothes, cowboy boots, boutiques, and bookstores.  It's the soup to nuts of the shopping world."  Dawn, I have some bad news.  Your boy's a friend of Dorothy.  Straight boys don't know Laura Ashley.  Just sayin.'

  • Later, Dawn gets all excited by (another) Laura Ashley store in the South Street Seaport.  Again, nothing says "California Casual" like middle-aged, stuffy floral prints.

  • In college & grad school, whenever I came across the word "cloisters" or "cloistered," I remembered this book.  Kinda sad, I know.

  • So, Kristy's a closeted rich bitch.  "I looked around the Leeches' [they adopt the stupid dog] apartment. It was small.  The furniture was old and worn.  But someone had crocheted afghans for the couch, and dried flowers were arranged in vases.  Plus, Mr. Leech obviously cared very much for his son..."  All I'm saying is, how nice was their furniture before Watson, anyway?  Single mom with four kids?  C'mon now.

  • Mal comes up with this stupid kids' story about country mouses visiting the big city.  And the girl mouse? "I gave her a hip mouse outfit--a huge sweat shirt and leggings.  But I had to erase the leggings.  They were not meant for mouse legs [OR HUMAN LEGS, DAMMIT!!!!]. I gave her high-tops instead. And some jewelry." And there's something about an evil gnome.  I used to have a recurring nightmare about being chased by an evil gnome.  Maybe this book is why...Hmm...

  • Mal and her art teacher keep talking about kids' books.

  • Jessi's in training to be a nagger.  [heh.]

  • "I'm sure Quint's parents thought we were going to tell them we wanted to get married, or something equally serious."  Yes, I'm sure that's what they thought about an eleven-year-old and a fourteen-year-old (or however old he is).  Jessi's not always this stupid, is she?  Well, she gets kissed anyway.  Her first kiss.  Blah.

  • When does "Firday" fall in the week, Claudia? 

  • Blah, Tavern on the Green and a show...I've seen all this on reality tv.

  • Hmm...the Pikes have a computer.

  • Claudia would be proud (or should I say prowed?):


Deer Mary Ann and Stacy,

We are back in Englund. It is nice. I licked New Yurk. I rememberized the names of your freinds. Rowena licked the toy store.

Love, Alistaire


Well, that's that. Can I lick a toy store, too?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I've been tagged!!!!

Okay, so I got tagged on my (rarely used, and mainly to bitch to a few friends) LiveJournal, but it's really more appropriate to post it here, because I am pathetic, and the nearest book is Super Special #6: New York, New York, waiting to get blogged.

Here's the meme:

book fun
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
6. Tag five other people to do the same.

Here's the result:

Mrs. Ramsey hugged Jessi protectively.

Emily fell off my suitcase and skinned her knee.

In the midst of her tears, I spied the headlight on our train, and soon the engine was roaring into the station.

Okay, I tag PoBal, Neurochic, and anyone on here who has a BSC book right next to them when they read this!!!

***

And, cause I'm feeling generous, I figured I'd let you in on a little more about me...and this pretty much says it all:



Now, add about 27 years and some alcohol:

Monday, March 19, 2007

And it's not only that one likes music and the other science; or, BSC #60: Mary Anne's Makeover

Have you ever noticed how, when it serves to further the subplot, the BSC have a shit-ton of jobs with the same family?  Like three or four jobs in one week or so?  And sometimes, ANM makes some kind of half-assed excuse, like Mrs. Whoever is doing a project for the PTA or whatever.  But in some books, there's no rhyme or reason to why the parents are just never there...Yeah.

So, this is another one I totally thought I did already, so here goes...

Mary Anne spots a cute hair cut in a magazine, and decides to get all her hair cut off, despite the "It's not you!" response from her oh-so-supportive friends.  Mr. Richard Spier decides to make a father-daughter event of the makeover and winds up buying her makeup and a bunch of clothes from Steven E! (That's the ritzy store in the mall--and don't worry, she has to pay for half of the clothes with her baby-sitting money.) And, as the oh so witty cover says, "Everyone loves the new Mary Anne -- except the BSC."  Yup, for some reason, the girls are all bitchy to MA after she changes how she looks.  Oh, wait!  That's right, no one's allowed to change in the BSC!  That's why they're being little slags to her!  So, Mary Anne starts hanging out more with Logan, and starts hanging out with some other girls who are never mentioned before or after.  Oh, and there's this whole rumor going around about how some high school boy is all about MA and wants to ask her to some high school dance.  Mary Anne even stops going to BSC meetings.  Finally, everything is smoothed over in a completely-glossed-over way.  Far too easy.  Of course. 

Subplot: Carolyn Arnold builds a time machine.  And kinda thinks it'll really work, for just a minute.

Okay, let's discuss the cover for a minute:



So, first of all...those leggings?  HIDEOUS!!!!  Even Hodges Solileau (remember him?) knows that leggings make your legs look big!  No one looks good in them!!!!  Also, Claud's outfit isn't terribly outrageous.  Though they rarely were on any of the covers, if you really think about it...Also, Stacey/Dawn (can you tell which?) needs to give up the mom jeans.  Also make her look like she's got a little bit of a gut.  And Logan's jeans have the longest crotch I've ever seen.  And MA just looks kinda...like W.C. Fields.

Anyway.

  • Carolyn is obsessed with both Back to the Future and the flux capacitor.  But not Brokeback to the Future, which is my fave fake trailer of all time.
  • Ah, more references to real things... the end of Beauty and the Beast made MA cry.  Big surprise there.
  • Logan is "super cute.  His hair is dark blond and curly [wait, what?  I don't recall any other descriptions of his curly hair!], his eyes are deep blue [she could be describing my little brother, who is single, in his mid-20s and holding down a good job, ladies in the greater Boston area!], and he has an athletic build without looking like a jock.  He's outgoing and friendly, but also thoughtful and sensitive (which he would never admit)."  [At least, he's thoughtful and sensitive when he's not being controlling.]
  • I love how whenever people are so different from each other, it's always like, one likes health food the other likes junk food, or one dresses simply and one dresses trendily.  Or one's good at math and one's two IQ points out of special ed. 
  • Lots of outfits in this book!!!! "For instance, that day I was wearing teal-colored stirrup pants [HOT!!!!] and a bulky ski sweater with a colorful snowflake print, over a pink turtleneck."  This is pre-makeover, so it's really shocking when, post-makeover, she wears an oversized sweater and leggings.  Um, wait...
  • About Claud: "She can put together the oddest collection of clothes--a slouch hat [what?], a sequined vest, an oversized button-down shirt, stirrup pants, and lace-up boots--and she looks stunning. Stunningly like Blossom, that is.  Plus, it's hardly outrageous when it's pretty damn close, minus the hat and the vest, to what Mary Anne's wearing on the fucking cover.
  • And now a reference to Home Alone.
  • Okay, now seriously?  Why the fuck don't any of the girls even consider the haircut when MA shows them?  They're just like, "REJECTED," without even looking at it.  Bitches.  They're all laughing at her.  Supportive group of friends, my ass.
  • Somehow, I have a hard time picturing Richard wanting to do a makeover as a father-daughter thing.  I seem him suggesting a day trip to Mystic Seaport or something, but not suggesting a trip to the mall.
  • Okay, so I actually kinda like this: Carolyn would want to travel back in time and babysit for her parents...
  • Is 8 really old enough to know fantasy from reality?  Especially when the BSC members routinely believe in ghosts, blah blah blah...
  • The dress that MA gets: "...a fiery red, off-the-shoulder crepe dress with shirred sleeves, a fitted bodice, and a skirt that flared to mid-calf."  I really can't picture what this would actually look like, but it sounds...hot?
  • The other purchases from Steven E.? "some stockings and a pair of shoes to go with it [the dress]; an oversized, indigo cable-knit sweater; and a pair of floral paisley print Lycra leggings with a French terry top."  Yup.
  • Hate Hunter's "accent" and "allergies."  Fucking hate!!!!
  • All the boys think Mary Anne's hot now! Hee!
  • Oh, so one of MA's "new friends" is named Sabrina Bouvier...does that sound familiar?  I don't know, like a little JonBenet clone maybe?  Yep, that was also the name of the girl that won the Little Miss Stoneybrook pageant!  Hee!!!!
  • Okay, isn't A Separate Peace manditory high school reading, not middle school?  I read it in 10th...
  • I fucking love when Mary Ann and Dawn fight!  Dawn says MA got a "boy haircut and clown makeup," so MA tells her to "go choke on an alfalfa sprout."  Hee!!!!
  • Blah, Dawn's a jealous little bitch.
  • Okay, a middle school dance with boys in tuxes?  Really?
  • Oooh!  Dance outfits!!!!  Kristy in a long dress and heels.  Claudia: "a lamé outfit that was all sharp angles and flashy colors."  Way to not really give any details at all, ANM (or ghostwriter or whatever).  Stacey: "a slinky silk gown that belonged to her her mother."  Um, if you're only 13, you shouldn't be wearing anything that could be described as slinky.  Just sayin'. Dawn: a dress "made of black velvet, with a sheer bodice trimmed with beading and lace, and a flared, above-knee skirt." Sounds a little fussy for California Casual, no?
  • Oh.  LAME!!!!!  Logan would go back in time to...the first time he saw MA.  Ew.

So much stupid.  So little time. 

Back to March Madness (I'm writing this on Saturday).  Seriously, I totally should have started a bracket group for this blog.  Cause I can't think of anything more ridiculous than a Claudia's Room pool.  Damn, I wish I'd thought of it in time.  Go Pitt!!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

And this little Blankie will fit into your purse; or, BSC #54: Mallory and the Dream Horse

Sorry this is late, guys...I had a busy weekend, and it took me for fucking ever to read this lameass book.  Plus, laundromat.  But it's here, so cease your hand-wringing and frantic checking of your RSS feeds.

So, in this train wreck, Mallory finds out that this farm on the outskirts of town is offering English-style riding lessons.  And she and Jessi decide to take them, only Jessi's parents veto that idea.  But through "bargaining," Mal can take the classes if she pays for half.  So, she does.  And not far in, she falls off the horse!!!! But she gets back on!!!! Though, undercutting the uplift aspect of all this, she's miserable and scared shitless.  But she sticks with it.  Or something.  And she tries (unsuccessfully) to make friends with the rich kids in her class.  Finally, she makes it through, and she even wins 6th place (out of twelve) in the class horse show/competition/whatever.  Oooh. 

Subplot A: The Pike kids are putting on a neighborhood talent show.

Subplot B: Nina Marshall (4) is having trouble at preschool, cuz she brings a giant (titular) blanket everywhere she goes, and the other little shits make fun of her...

There was far too much "Aw, shucks, aren't kids cute/clever" and "Aw, poor kid...how can we help where her parents obviously can't" in this book.  I hate when she pulls that shit.  Did anyone really read these books to read about the little kids?  Bring on the middle school drama, bitch!!!

Anyhoo...

  • Book's tagline: "Mallory's gone horse crazy!"  Skank has always been crazy.
  • Also, from the summary on the back: "But then the lessons begin and Mallory discovers that dreaming about horses can be a lot more fun than actually riding them."
  • Okay, so all of the stupid stuff about Mal & Jessi loving horses reminds me of that line in Lost in Translation: "I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet."
  • Um, what do "graceful fingers" have to do with ballet dancing? 
  • I really doubt that Mal would always be so amused by the shenanigans of her brothers and sisters.  Um, she's an awkward adolescent.
  • "Well, Dawn is sort of dating Logan's cousin, Lewis.  Sort of.  It's hard to call it dating since he lives in Louisville, Kentucky.  But they write each other and, as Dawn says, they definitely have a strong friendship."  I love when one-off boys get mentioned again.
  • Who wants an outfit?  "Claudia can put together strange combinations of clothes--like one of her father's old shirts over tie-dyed tights, with a big belt and a funky vest--and look like she stepped out of a fashion magazine."  Or a zit cream commercial.
  • Did you know that Stacey is the reigning "Queen of Dibbleness?" 
  • Seriously?  These girls do not know more than their charges' parents.  Especially when they spend all of an hour every few weeks with the kid.  Yet they solve all their fucking probs.  My ass.  And probably yours too.
  • Plus, I'm sure Kristy would understand if Mal were late to a meeting because she had to talk to Mrs. Marshall about Nina's issues. 
  • Heh.  "Just like Star Search."
  • Oh, and there's this whole Jessi is jealous and Mal is a brick wall and can't understand why Jessi's acting all weird when she starts to talk horses subplot thingy.
  • Oh, yeah!  One of the girls in Mal's class is Allison Anders.  Though I'm sure it's not this Allison Anders: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0025978/
  • Okay, so after Mal falls off the horse, her mom takes her to the hospital.  And Mal's doctor meets them there, fresh from the golf course wearing the outfit of the week: "bright yellow pants, an electric blue polo shirt, and a visor." Yup.
  • Okay, Claud can't even spell "laugh" when she's writing a joint entry in the club notebook, and Stacey just fucking spelled it for her.
  • "At first I thought I'd go wild, like Claudia, with tie-dyed tights and a bright purple oversized T-shirt knotted at the bottom, and maybe a big red belt.  But then I decided since I didn't know the kids well I really should dress more conservatively...I was wearing a gold-and-brown kilt, a matching gold cotton sweater, and penny loafers."
  • Oh, so the solution to the Nina/Blankie drama?  Blankie gets destroyed in the dryer, and Dawn accidentally tears it apart.  But, because Dawn's so quick on her feet, she shows Nina how to hide the pieces. Blah.
  • Apparently, D-Day is actually of "Dying-of-Embarrassment Day." Sure, I'll bite.
  • Oh, and Mal's obsessed with Pax, the dream horse.  In fact, according to Jessi, "He really is the most beautiful horse in the world...You're so lucky to have known him, even if it was for a short time."  Because Jessi is a 45-year-old mother. 
  • Um, Nicky Pike can use stilts? 
  • Oh, and there's this whole lameass "We're so good at solving problems" thing where all the BSCers are, like, congratulating themselves for something or other.  Boring.

Whew.  Look at the pretty horsie!



Monday, March 05, 2007

I want the pink flower; or, BSC Video #6: Claudia and the Missing Jewels

Okay, due to some time constraints and an awesome weekend in Pittsburgh, I'm totally cheating this week. Yep, I'm posting about one of the videos! (PS-Extra mega special thanks to www.dibbly-fresh.com for the screen caps!)

So, Claudia's selling the ugliest earrings ever made at a craft fair, right? And Miss Olga, because she thinks Claud is "a talented young designer," orders a bunch for her shop, giving Claud a $50 bill as deposit. And Claudia leaves them at Kristy's for some reason I can't quite gauge. And they go missing! Oh no!!!!!!! So, they blame Julie (the weekend help at Kristy's). Turns out, Karen stole them in a cry for attention. See, Kristy's been treating Karen like the pit stain she is...So, they throw a surprise birthday to apologize to Julie.

And, cause I won't fuck with a classic, here's the list!


  1. They all have crazy raincoats. Of course.


  2. In this show, they ALWAYS had the girls talking in unison. And making dumbass faces.

  3. Speaking of dumbasses:

    I hate you, Karen. I think you might even be more annoying here than in the books.

  4. There's this whole plant sale thing. I'm not sure why. But Lil' Pete both carries a cactus [I carried a watermelon?!?] and steals flowers from the garden where they're selling the plants...to sell.


  5. Hee. "Claudia's Treasures" or "Treasures by Claudia."

  6. This is Julie. She walks funny and has two different sets of glasses: one for school and one for movies. Huh?


  7. Oh, when Kristy and Claudia find out the "jewels" are missing? Kristy's first reaction is to call an emergency meeting of the BSC. Yep.

  8. The BSC are all superspies, following Julie to figure out if she's the thief. And being "undercover" apparently involves wearing neon sunglasses:


  9. Oh, the Jersey accents!

  10. Um, there's not a parent in this show. Yeah.

  11. "This is a special tree, and you are a special girl. But you can't just take things." Truer words have never been spoken...Except maybe, SHUT THE FUCK UP, KAREN, YOU LITTLE IDIOT!!!!

  12. Happy ending!!! Hooray!!!