Cover? Kinda boring...siblings showing support, red-white-and-blue cliché, dog wearing the title of the book around her neck. Kristy's wearing a turtleneck, as she does.
The plot: Um, Claud and Stace convince Kristy to run for class president against Alan Gray, Grace-Cokie's-little-crony, and Pete Black. But she's taken on a bit much, what with the sitting and the BSC and the Krushers and the family and the failing science grades and the campaigning. So, she drops out of the race. Blah. Oh, and Mal's running for 6th grade
Subplot: Jamie Newton gets a bike, and tortures all his sitters. And they all neglect Lucy in the process. Or something.
Short plot=lots of bullets.
- Wow, Stacey's soooo sophisticated. And I don't just mean she's got capital knockers. No, she compares the SMS PA system to the announcements on the NYC subways. I personally like the announcements on the MBTA commuter rail.
- Wow, Kristy's glad it's Friday. Whoop-di-shit. Just wait until she gets a job working for the female Michael Scott (I stole that from RNL).
- Mr. Zorzi is a sub. What the hell kinda name is Zorzi?
- Wow, a bunch of middle school kids just start following a couple of jokers. Big surprise. Middle school kids are sheep.
- A reference to Bunnicula. Wow, someone's well-read. Or something.
- Joking about nasty cafeteria food is wicked boring. And repetitive. And lame. And lazy.
- Seriously, I don't want to read about how cute babies are. Or how cute Kristy's siblings are. Or sitting in general. I don't care about a fucking "leaf dance."
- Kris-ty li-ikes Ba-art! Oh, wait. We already knew that.
- Okay. So, this book has tons of outfits. Which makes up for the lack in last week's book. Cause that wasn't me being lazy, bitches. There weren't any in the book!!!!
- "Today, for instance, Claudia was wearing lime green bicycle pants, a long, long bright pink shirt, and a cropped lime green striped shirt over that. She was also wearing black hightop leather sneakers with pink butterfly barrettes clipped to the laces. She had two feather earrings in one ear (lime green, of course), and a tiny pink heart in the other." Wait, a cropped top over a long, long shirt. That sounds...less than flattering.
- "And real, live fruit. I mean an apple is okay, but it's not my first choice." The fuck?
- "Like that Monday, she was wearing a black skirt and tights that were two colors: one leg was red and the other was black. And her shoes were shiny black and laced up to the ankles. She was also wearing this enormous black turtleneck sweater with red flecks in it, and one round red earring and one square black one. Her hair, which was in a mid-perm stage around her face, was pulled back with this silver lamé [and lame] band." While not crazy horrible, this outfit still SCREAMS 1989.
- Oh, this shit cracks me up!!! There's this whole thing about how the school play is Mary Poppins, and how it's soooooo babyish. But, if I'm not mistaken, isn't that Stacey's fave movie? So, are they calling her babyish? She is mighty quiet during this discussion. Or, could it be that someone wasn't paying any attention whatsoever to continuity? Perhaps...
- In reference to "right on," Dawn explains, "I think it's an old hippy expression." Stupid hippies. [Oh, so according to the American Oxford Dictionary--I heart Dashboard!!--hippy is a variant spelling of hippie, and, of course, it also means having large hips. I prefer to use the latter in this context. Just cause I hate Dawn.]
- Ooh! Another Claud vs. Janine fashion showdown!!! "Standing next to each other, Claudia and Janine couldn't have looked more different, even though that day Claudia was dressed fairly conservatively: white jeans, red shoes with big bows, a tropical jungle shirt with each button shaped like a piece of fruit, and her hair pulled to one side with a banana barrette. But Janine, with her short hair and bangs, her pullover sweater, and plain skirt and loafers, make Claudia look extremely exotic." Swap out the loafers for some Docs, and Janine wins. Big time. Fruit buttons?
- Ahem. "'I believe you would be glad to know that a pizza delivery has just been effected,' said Janine. She talks like that all the time. It's part of being a genius." Actually, it's part of being a pretentious ass. Trust me, I know. Also, shouldn't it be "affected?" Anyone?
- Kristy's campaign slogan/logo thingee? "K+." Um, clever?
- "According to Stacey, that was the way people in New York advertise things, especially rock concerts." Yes, the SMS president is a fucking rock star. Or something.
- "As every baby-sitter and little kid knows, a shrug is like a maybe--it means yes." No, it doesn't. It means "I don't care" or "I'm not sure" or "My indecision knows no bounds" or "I really don't want to, but I don't want to tell you that." You know...
- There's a whole bunch of shit about how Kristy's turning into Claud, at least grade-wise.
- Okay, so Kristy's wearing "an enormous sweater of a sort of creamy brown, with little black and green stripes running across it" with black pants and loafers. And her complaint is that she looks "preppie." See, I always spelled it preppy [And spell check agrees with me]. Also, the fug? I can't picture this sweater at all, except as some sort of mutant girly Cosby sweater.
- Lucky us! We get a Grace outfit, too! "Her makeup was about three feet thick, and she was wearing a pale blue sweater, matching stirrup pants, and a ton of jewelry." Wow, that sounds flattering. And classy.
- Oh, yeah. There's also this thing about Special Ed kids that I can't quite figure out. Maybe I was paying more attention to South Park than to this lame fucker.
- Um, does the middle school really have a fencing team?
- Wow, a baby Lucy outfit, too! [And you thought I was kidding about lots of outfits.] "Lucy...was wearing lavender overalls with pink stars on them, a pink shirt, pink socks, and little purple sneakers with shoelaces that had stars and moons on them." Wow, someone's really trying to indoctrinate this baby with traditional femininity. Also, she's a fucking baby. Why's she all dressed up for puking in the playpen? And does she need shoelaces? And didn't Claud wear this exact outfit in some super special? [I kid. Sort of.]
- Not done yet! "Stacey had pulled her hair back into a braid with a silver hat pin stuck through it. She was wearing purple capri pants, soft black flat ankle boots, black-and-white-striped socks, and a black-and-white-checked shirt, only the checks were all different sizes. She had square silver earrings in her ears." Again, can't really picture the shirt. And "soft black?" Is the material soft? Or the color? Or my mind?
- "Claud's hair was down, but she was wearing a hat. On the green hat ribbon was pinned "Kristy+" button. Her tights were orange and her dress was tie-dyed every color you could think of. She was wearing her feather earrings, and she'd drawn a star on her face next to her right eye." This is another über-Blossom outfit. Crossed with a dirty, dirty hippie.
- Kristy gives a big speech when she ends her candidacy. Cause everyone fucking cares.
- Oh, and Mal wins.
Hooray! It's done! I totally would have loved to see Grace win, just to piss Kristy off, and cause middle school elections ARE a fucking popularity contest. But Pete Black wins. And fairies and unicorns dance around in celebration.
Next week, "Maid Mary Anne." Probably.