Oooh, and keep your eyes peeled mid-March, cause I'm going to try to set up a Claudia's Room March Madness bracket! 'Cause I love me some college basketball, no snarkiness at all.
Okay, this is another cover that actually shows shit that happens in the book...
No, David Michael hasn't joined a Rooster Cult; he's in a play (The Brememtown Musicians) and he has a totally lame costume.
Is Watson really that fat? I always pictured him as bald and kinda lanky...I think I recall that from an illustration from one of the Super Specials.
And why does Emily's jumpsuit have color-coordinated shin guards? Cause bitch totally stole that look from me.
Watson has a heart attack, then decides to take some time off work, and Nannie moves out cause she thinks they don't want or need her around anymore. But things get crazy, and then Nannie moves back in, and Watson works from home 3 hours a day and everything is all better.
S-s-s-s-s-subplot: Mrs. Marshall is a fucking bitch cow hag. She keeps hiring one sitter than springing another three kids on her (bringing the grand total to FIVE FUCKING YOUNG CHILDREN FOR ONE SITTER). When the girls start bringing help in the form of another BSCer, Mrs. Hag gets pissy and refuses to pay for two sitters. And she not once doubts the wisdom of leaving five kids with an 11-year-old. Finally, things blow up and Stacey refuses to sit for them when Mrs. Bitch Cow [that's totally a "word," RNL. Whatever, I'll make it up if I want!] pulls that shit again. Then Kristy finally confronts her and tra-la-la happy fucking ending.
The finer points:
- Watson. My good man. Try using a shovel if the car is stuck. Before you try to push. Just saying this as someone who got plowed into a few New England parking lots and driveways...
- And the "Karen" for Most Specific Job Description Ever in a BSC Book goes to...Watson Brewer! CEO of Unity Insurance in Stamford! You can give your acceptance speech when you get out of the hospital!
- Kristy is "nuts" about her grandmother. Which just seems...like an odd way to describe a familial relationship.
- I hate fake gossip. I don't care about Sabrina Bouvier. And at this point, ghostwriter, you're just showing off. "Oh, look at me! I've read other BSC books before writing one!"
- The only outfit (other than David Michael's costume): "This winter Claud's been into hats. She buys old hats in thrift stores and covers them in sequins, buttons, and really outrageous feathers. Usually she wears them with one of her super trendy outfits, like a red long underwear shirt with tiny black-and-white polka dot suspenders, pinstripe trousers, and ruby sequined slippers." When was that super trendy? And how the fuck would Kristy "Queen of the Sweatshirts" know what was super trendy. Super trendy. Say it, it's fun!
- "Luv with a capital L." More like lame withe a capital F-U-C-K-I-N-G.
- Kristy doesn't go in for all that "goopy stuff." Ew, she's so dirty...
- Did you know that you can't like reading, knitting AND sports? I certainly didn't...Now, which one of these am I going to have to give up?
- Aw, Logan "manages to charm everyone with his Kentucky accent." I might know somebody like that...[Ahem. Speaking of Kentucky accents, I had an apartment full of Kentucky boys last weekend, and I don't think one of them liked to babysit. Shocking.]
- I really have no desire to read that super special with the weddings...It's referenced in this book, and it doesn't sound amusing. AT ALL.
- SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE DAMN TOILET MONSTER! FUCK!!!!!!
- Aw, Kristy calls Watson her father. And, like, saves his life or something.
- Can they really hold the school bus for a kid to run back inside? I think all my bus drivers would've been all "He-ELL no!"
- This book apparently ran so low on plot that they summarized like five other BSC books in passing.
- The no one ever ages in these books phenomenon even extends to Dawn's six months in Cali; the kids haven't aged a day in six months. Literally.
- Ever noticed how many parents in the 'Brook are so desperate to get away from their kids they leave them in less than safe situations?
- Has Eleanor Marshall always said a w instead of an r? "Tweasure," for example. Cause it's more nauseating than cute.
- Also, did the BSC really never ask how many kids they'd be sitting for? I kinda recall it in the past. And they don't have a per child rate? That doesn't seem like smart business...
- Ah, "QRU. Call for Help. Rescue Rangers. Alert! And Emergency Room." Remember in the 90s, when there were 30 million medical dramas? Good times.
- These people make banners for every single thing that ever happens...I need to start doing that. Oh, wait. No, I really fucking don't.
- Claymate? Oh, a Claymate! No, I don't think that's right either...Maybe they mean Play-Doh?
- "Charlie had installed an intercom system to let Watson call almost anywhere in the house." Is he a master electrician in addition to a chauffeur? Lucky guy...Besides, wouldn't walkie-talkies have been easier?
- Karen calls her mom & stepdad's house "the little house." Bet they luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv that.
- Karen has reading glasses and regular glasses? At 7?
- I realize these girls are really only kids, but they never fucking call the parents (of their sitting charges) out for being dickholes.
- Oh, it's so sad. Nannie feels pushed out...Watch me...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- [That was me getting bored and falling asleep.]
- Nannie winds up with kickass apartment for a few weeks. But she gives up a beautiful place of her own to take care of somebody else's kids, don't worry.
- They apparently never told any clients about the "more than one sitter for more than three kids" rule. Why doesn't that really shock me?
- In fact, they don't even tell Mrs. Marshall the rule when they have the opportunity. Dumbasses.
- Karen has a "meltdown." And acts like a 14-year-old. You know, sulky, emo-style. But she's only 7. They grow up so fast.
- Wait, Kristy has to pay for her own school lunches? For real? Cause that's pretty low-rent, Daddy Watson-bucks.
- "Good Cluck on Your Opening." Fuck. Ing. Lame.
- Blah, happy ending.
How do you like them apples? By which, of course, I mean your breasts. Heh.
That's all for this week, kids.
PS-I'm a little loopy, so forgive me any spelling or grammars slips. Thanks...